Windwalker7

TRUE STORY

Years ago I was archery hunting in West Virginia. back then your first deer with a bow could be either sex but the second had to be a buck. This farm was loaded with deer. It was easy, back then, to see 30 or 40 deer a day with none being bucks.


I already hadgot adoe earlier in the seasonand had been hunting for a buck.

It was late mourning.I wasstill hunting along the edge of a clearing when I got those intestinal cramps every hunter knows. I had to go now.I got out my toilet paper I always carry and un buckled my pants. I was squatting thereand just dropped a couple terds when I looked up and saw a deer starring at me about 70 yds away. I looked through my binoculars and saw that it was a legal spike. What was I to do? I was caught with my pants down.

Iput one knee down and watched through the binoculars. It ducked its head up and down a few times and kept starring. It then walked to the edge of the clearing and jumped a barbed wire fence. It started sneaking up along the fence toward me. As it went behind some brush, I got my bow ready but still knelt there with my pants down. It got closer. As it went behind a large oak, I drew my bow. It stepped out and stood there. I released and stuck the arrow through the ribs. I had just shot my first buck with a bow and I did it while taking a crap.

squirrelkilla23

man wind, that's too funny.

i was once squirrel hunting with my pellet gun and i was walking down a creek bed, i see a squirrel down this steep rocky hill thing. well we had some rain earlier and i wasnt thinking. i kinda did a run, jump thing to try to gain some distance down the hill when i hit a slick spot and fell on my but, started rolling head over heals down this rocky hill. hurt like all hell. to add insul to injury i roll into the creek. soaking wet, dont know where the heck my pellet gun is, the squirrels gone and i'm mad. well i start walking up the bank to head up the hill to look for my gun, i slip and land FACE FIRST into a pile of cow crap.(it was farmland) it's in my eyes, my mouth, my nose, everything. i wipe my face off and find my gun, and go the frick home. the worst hunting day of my life! true story

hey NY, you should have tryed to send one into those guys legs to slow them down

pjhunts

Now that's funny......I'm crying!

MOTOWNHONKEY

I'm hunting some public land in the early 90's. I get to a spot where I want to try and see a Johnny on the spot across the street by these guys doing some construction. I figured I better take care of a little business before my trek out and make use of their facilities.I get back to my truck and realize that my wallet is missing with about $400 in it with all my liscence cards and stuff. I'm dead sick over this and after looking all over the place I figure it must have droped in that Johnny. Well I have some trash bags in my truck so I stick my hand in one and head for the Johnny. I got this bag up to my armpit and just getting down there close to the blue water I start gagging and dry heaving. I say screw it and in goes the hand, is that it? I slightly squeeze. Nope How about that? nope. Well you can imagine my pain. After a minute or so I give up in complete disgust and lack of self esteem. well the bag leaked and my arm was blue and stunk like well you guessed it crap. So I make the hour trip back home and run into the shower like one of those T.V rape victums. In the shower I swear myself to secrecy. I get out to get some fresh boxers and there is my bill fold on the dresser. I didn't know weather to laugh or cry but now my brothers call me the Turd Man Of Alcatraz.

saltflat

HA HA motown. I will be laughing at that for a long time. EWWWW sortin through tirds, sounds like fun.

Duckbutter48

If these stories were a contest for the worst\funniest then all I can say is


!!!!!!!WINNER!!!!!


"I slightly squeeze. Nope how bout that? nope."
ThanksI didnt need to eat my lunch anyway.
I had a good story too but It just seems like a let down after reading that.

TeeJay

Motown that is a good one but get this..........OK yes we bring our women to deer camp. Well we hunt out right between lost and found. 10 miles to electricity. So you guessed it no running water. We do have a outhouse, but it is tucked up there in the woods and ill admit it it gets a little creepy expecially in the dark. So the men just basicly walk over to a tree and water it, and the women go behind the tree and say "dont look". Well here is the story, my sister is walking from the cabin to the camp fire and stops to pick up this paper towl on the ground. Just then she has to sneeze, well guess what she sneezed into. You got it Mothers pee wipe. Tell me we didnt laugh. Yall can just guess what the coments were.

jaybe

Some pretty funny stories. This may not seem funny to you, but it sure was to me at the time.
Many years ago when I was a teenager, my cousin and I were out with our .22's basically after whatever we could find to pop (red squirrels, starlings, etc). We just came out of a woodlot and saw in the next woodlot hundreds of crows in the trees - some flying around, most sitting. It was too far away to shoot, and too much open ground between us to cover without being seen.
We decided to see if we could call them over - but had no calls. So we took pieces of grass with wide leaves, put them between our thumbs held together pointing upwards, and blew on them. They made somefunny screeching and squeaking sounds that weren't much like crow caws, but we kept trying, beginning to laugh at our feeble attempts.
Suddenly, the whole bunch of them took off and came flying right over to us and began landing in the trees around us. We couldn't believe it, and were laughing so hard we never did get off a shot before they figured out they'd been tricked and took off!
You would have had to have been there.

IM jaybe

spuddog

I started hunting late in life, only a few years ago and talked my buddy into letting me go with him and his brothers on a rabbit and quail hunt along the South Platte. We busted one covey (pretty good for not having a dog) and then turned to rabbits. I missed everyone and the other 3 all bagged a couple of rabbits each. Being my first time I was anxious to learn so as we stood around the truck at the end of the day I asked my friend to show me how he cleaned the rabbits. He said he just peeled them. His brother's gathered round and he grabbed a bunnie by the back legs and pulled its stomach fur and just ripped it clean off, peeled the rest of the hide off and pulled out the innards. At that point I smelled the worst bowel type smell I'd every known. I asked if he had broke the intestine of if it was gut shot and my friend looked puzzled. We checked and there was no sign of breakage. He broke off the head and legs and had a nicely cleaned rabbit.

These are good guys but I've seen them skin a deer and then eat lunch and never wash their hands. I've seen them clean a bunch of doves and then drive home with blood all over their hands and they don't think twice. Things like this just don't bother them.

Anyway I watched his brothers peel their rabbits and each time I kept getting this foul odor. I kept asking and no one else seemed to notice. I was starting to feel like a real weenie. Then as we packed up the truck they handed me the cleaned rabbits in a bag to load in the cooler. I was going into the back door and reaching over the back seat to put the rabbits in when I smelled it again. I made quite a noise this time. I said " you guys can't tell me you don't smell that", " that the most aweful smell I've ever dealt with", "What have these rabbits been eating?", etc, etc, etc. My buddies brother was at the door across from me and calmly looked at me and said "that was me. I've been feeling sick today." So the whole time I'm making a big noise about the smell, it's my his brother and the worst part of it is that we have a 3 hr drive home and he was the driver. I was dieing. He gassed off all the way home and none of them said a word. I was afraid to roll down a window, because it didn't seem to bother anyone else. If this had been my brothers and I, he would have been strapped to the roof.

Spud

stoneman

GREAT stories guys. I don't know if I could pick a winner right now. I've got a couple stories in mind, but none seem in league with some of these others, so I'm gonna wait.