This old boy from Maine moves up to Alaska and buys 50 acres out in the middle of know where.Well a few months go by and the snow is falling.About a week befor New Years eve a gentleman walks up to his cabin door.He say "Howdy My name is Lars your closest neibore for 60 miles and I wanted to invite you to a New Years eve Party",well this ol'boy from Main agrees since it been awhile with out any conversation,so he asks Lars' what time and Lar's says 5:00 pm New years eve,ok.As Lars is walking away he turns and say's I must warn you there will be some drinking,the Ol' boy from Maine says I can hold my own share.Lar's also says there will be some fighting also,and the Ol'boy from Main say's I can hold my own in a fight to.So Lar's starts walking away again and stops turns and say' "one more thing there's going to be alot of sex also".Well this Ol'boy from Maine say"what should I wear" and Lar's answers back"What ever you wan't.It's just going to be you and me."
BBJ

BBJ,

I've heard that one before in a little different format. Makes me giggle every time.


Oldie but goodie.

This city slicker came down to go hunting. I told him we could go to my uncles to hunt, cuz he always lets me hunt. So we drive over to my uncles house, and I say I'm gonna go ask and I'll be right back.

I go in and see my uncle. He says: "sure you can hunt but I need a favor."
I ask what the favor is. He says that his old horse bessie has been sick for awhile. He just can't bring himself to put her down, Would I please shoot her for him. I said that I understood and would put her down. as I'm walking out I decide to have some fun with this citty slicker.

I jump in the truck a cussing: "that son of a gun wouldn't let us hunt. After all the things I've done for him."
I tear down the road. then I see bessie. I slam on the brakes and say: "I'll teach that no account SOB." I jump out and shoot the horse. just then I hear three shots. BOOM BOOm, Boom.

I run around the truck and yell: "what are you doing?" The city slicker says: "He made you so mad, I decided to kill three of his cows for Ya."

Sado: heard that one too.

True story. I was the city slicker from up north. At the time I had never hunted, rarely shot any firearm and had no real interest. Meeting my girlfriend's (now wife) family for the first time in SE Arkansas. It is a family tradition for the men to go duck hunting the day after Thanksgiving. Being a man, I decide I can tag along and see what it is all about. Of course, I have to borrow everything: boots that are too small cloths that don't fit. The morning is cold and raining - perfect weather for a duck. THree of us squeeze into teh single cab toyota tacmoa with teh dog in teh back. We get to the farm and the farmer wants to come too. I get to ride in teh rain with the dog to the "blind". But there was no blind. We are jsut going to decoy the ducks on a ond by sitting in the brush. Did I mention I had borrowed boots not waders. Anyway. I step into teh water and it is 2-inches deeper than the boots are tall. So I am standing on the bank of a pond with boots full of water a jacket that is too small and smelling like wet dog. We "hunt" for a few hours and nobody lifts a gun. We decide to call it a day. I get the privledge of climbing in the back of teh truck for the ride back to teh house with a cold wet dog.

They have never admitted that the whole thing was a test and that I passed. It has to be that or they wnated to show me how well they can shoot. Either way, it was a sad site.

My alcoholic uncle tells a particular deer hunting story, after a few beers. The story is about his best shot. He was hunting deer, and jumped a muley in thick timber. It was running flat out at 600 yards with a screen of trees between uncle and deer. He doesn't have a clear shot, but he opens up anyway. After several shots he's finally cleared a lane in the trees and he kills the deer with one shot (not counting the ones to clear the timber). He goes over to the deer and the bullet has killed the deer so thoroughly that all the guts came out on impact. He doesn't even have to field dress it!

Now that's a deer story.

I agree thats a good (BS) deer story!

A bear and a rabbit were crapping in the woods together. In their conversation the bear asked the rabbit if he ever had a problem with crap sticking to his fur. "No" the rabbit replied"I haven't"

The bear says "good", picks up the rabbit, wipes his arse, and walks away.

This is a true story, happened to me when I was 19 and station in Upstate NY.

It was the middle of january and a buddy of mine and I have cabin fever bad. So I get the bright idea to head out and do some predator hunting, after all there is only 4 feet of snow on the ground and the temp is 19 below zero. So off we go, complete with snowshoes and for some stupid reason I brought 2 of the 3 guns I owned, one being my 06 and the other a .22. Well as you can imagine, me being from southern PA, I never had much use for snow shoes and I fell quite a few times and the last time managed to get snow down the barrels of both my rifles, I opened the bolt on my 06 and handed it to my buddy (Joe) to blow the snow out of, while I did the same to my .22. Mission accomplished he hands the gun back to me and we shuffle on down the trail. After we get set up at our first calling location I look over at Joe and for the life of me it looks like he's wearing red lipstick, now thinking what in gods name is he doing wearing lipstick, when it dawns on me that it must be blood. I ask him if he puts his hand over the barrel and then blew or his lips right on the barrel? He asks why, I said your lips are bleeding and he tells me they burn like hell too. I take a look at the barrel of my 06 and there right on the end are 2 little pieces of lip skin, one on each side of the barrel. OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a "It happened to me story"

Well about 8 yrs ago me a my brother-in-law were going elk hunting for a week.Well we arive at camp,wich was set-up the 1st week of rifle.I start unpacking the pick-up and Rob starts to put stuff in the tent,well his dad had tied the door-ties into knots and we could not get them undone.Rob asks to barrow my knife(at the time I was using a Schrade Buck hunter with the stag handle )well I continue to unpack the truck and Rob is picking at the knots withe tip of the knife.
Well all of a sudden Rob says"BJ you have any toilet papper","I go why (back to him) you crap your pants" and I turn around and in disbelife here is Rob with this knie buried to the hilt in his thigh.My jaw just dropped,I said "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING!!" he gose well I was trying to get the knots out and the knife flew out of my hands and in to the air,I didn't see where it was going so I just sat there hoping it would hit the ground,then all of a sudden I hear this "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!" and whack it flies into my leg.Well I panic and grab a Ace ankle wrapp and a roll of TP and he pulls the knife out(I'm expecting arterie and bleeding to death 40 miles from town)he jerks his pant's down and I'm on my knee's and start wrapping his leg to stop the bleeding.Well we hear this low rumble coming down the logging road we are camped by,and not thinking here comes this pick-up with about 5 yolcals in the front seat of this 77 Ford Multi-color pick-up with mud tires,well Robs back is to the road,and all they can see is this skinny guy in Blue bikini underwear and some guy in a cowboy hat on his knee's in front of him doing something with his hands.[:-][:-][:-]
You wanna talk about remembering scens from "Deliverence"
Well get Rob bandaged up and hual but to this small town,and ask if there is a Doctor that is in,the gas station attendant points us in the right direction and we drive to his house wich is also his practice.I go up to the door and knock and this pretty little blond answers the door and ask what she can do,I explaine that my brother in law has stabbed him self in the leg and she says rush him in,well I rush rob into the office and this gall has her back to him and Rob just drops drawers and she starts to panic,I think she thought we were going to rapper her of some thing and she jabs Rob with this needle in the chest,"he yell what the Heck are you doing I'm stabbed in the leg"she explains she is a nurse and was panicing cause the doctor was not in.She looks him over and decides it is not life threating and put this brown stuff on him and closes the wound with butterfly stipps cause she cannot do stiches yet.Well she sends us on our way.The next morrning Rob has this fever and his leg is turning red and swollen.I tell him lets go back to a hospital and he says I'm fine "I'm here to hunt elk"
Well this gose on for another day,and now he can't even walk,thats it I pack up and take him to the Hospital in Helena.By the time I get there his leg has swollen up to 75 inches around(this a guy that only weighs 150lbs soaking wet)rush him to the emergency room and they are talking amputation,cause it is so infected,well Rob will have none of that so the do some tests on him.Come to find out he is allergic to the brown stuff that gall put on his leg.Well after 2 weeks of not moving his leg went back to normal,and come to find out the "zzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ!!"noise was the knife sliding down the tent ridge.
So there is my IT Happened To me Story.
BBJ