Some huntin' jokes to brighten your day...enjoy!
04-15-2004, 10:36 AM
#14
Nontypical Buck
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Lancaster pa
Posts: 3,015
RE: Some huntin' jokes to brighten your day...enjoy!
OK here's a couple more.
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
Two newlyweds go on a fly-in hunting trip to Canada. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. He gets back and says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
"Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up," replies the young bride.
The next morning it's really cold out, so when the guy comes back from a morning hunt, he says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up." He does and again that warms him up.
After lunch, he goes out one more time for an evening hunt. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"
A friend of mine going to hunt in Alaska said he couldn't tell the difference between a black bear and a grizzly. I told him the easiest and most sure-fire way to tell which species it was is to run up behind the bear and kick it in the a$$. Then run and climb up a tree. If the bear climbs the tree and eats him it's a black bear. If the bear pushes the tree over and eats him it's a grizzly.
and one more!
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
Two newlyweds go on a fly-in hunting trip to Canada. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. He gets back and says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
"Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up," replies the young bride.
The next morning it's really cold out, so when the guy comes back from a morning hunt, he says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up." He does and again that warms him up.
After lunch, he goes out one more time for an evening hunt. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"
A friend of mine going to hunt in Alaska said he couldn't tell the difference between a black bear and a grizzly. I told him the easiest and most sure-fire way to tell which species it was is to run up behind the bear and kick it in the a$$. Then run and climb up a tree. If the bear climbs the tree and eats him it's a black bear. If the bear pushes the tree over and eats him it's a grizzly.
and one more!
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
04-16-2004, 10:41 AM
#15
Fork Horn
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Old Bridge, NJ
Posts: 304
RE: Some huntin' jokes to brighten your day...enjoy!
Here's one for the fellas....
3 buddies......a black guy, an italian guy and a polish guy decide to go up to the cabin for a weekend hunting trip. While there up at the cabin, they get hit with a big snowstorm which last for days. They soon realize they are running out of food and have to take matters into their own hands...
the black guy takes his gun and says he'll be back in a bit. He returns soon after with a rabbit. his buudies ask how did he get it... "well I just followed the tracks, and bam shot the rabbit."
the italian guy says he can do one better...he takes off with his gun and returns a bit later with a deer. his buddies ask how did you do that? "well i just followed th tracks, and bam shot the deer.
Not to be outdone, the polish guys takes his gun and tells his friends he'll be back soon. After a few hours he does not return....finally his buddies hear a comotion outside, they open the door to see an ambulance, and the polish guy getting out of the back...they ask him "what happend"? he says i don't know....I was following these tracks...and bam...
.
.
.
A F"ING TRAIN HITS ME!!!! [8D]
3 buddies......a black guy, an italian guy and a polish guy decide to go up to the cabin for a weekend hunting trip. While there up at the cabin, they get hit with a big snowstorm which last for days. They soon realize they are running out of food and have to take matters into their own hands...
the black guy takes his gun and says he'll be back in a bit. He returns soon after with a rabbit. his buudies ask how did he get it... "well I just followed the tracks, and bam shot the rabbit."
the italian guy says he can do one better...he takes off with his gun and returns a bit later with a deer. his buddies ask how did you do that? "well i just followed th tracks, and bam shot the deer.
Not to be outdone, the polish guys takes his gun and tells his friends he'll be back soon. After a few hours he does not return....finally his buddies hear a comotion outside, they open the door to see an ambulance, and the polish guy getting out of the back...they ask him "what happend"? he says i don't know....I was following these tracks...and bam...
.
.
.
A F"ING TRAIN HITS ME!!!! [8D]
04-17-2004, 09:05 AM
#16
Typical Buck
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location:
Posts: 549
RE: Some huntin' jokes to brighten your day...enjoy!
Game warden shows up at a hunters camp site to keep out the animals hanging in the trees. He tells the hunter looks like you did pretty well this season. The hunter says well I can't complain its been a tough hunt but very sucessful.
The game warden walks up the to first animal and says hey thats a good shot. Took this big ole elk right between the eyes. Hunters says yep he went down hard.
Game warden walks up to the secound animal and says man you are an excellent shot took this buck right between the eyes. Hunter says thanks I practice alot.
Game warden walks up to the third animal and is dumfounded. He says that is another tremendous shot to that blackbear right between the eyes. The game warden says I have a question though. Why does this bear have a bullet hole in each of his front paws?
The hunters say well you see its like this. When I shined the spot light on him, he raised his paws to cover his eyes.
The game warden walks up the to first animal and says hey thats a good shot. Took this big ole elk right between the eyes. Hunters says yep he went down hard.
Game warden walks up to the secound animal and says man you are an excellent shot took this buck right between the eyes. Hunter says thanks I practice alot.
Game warden walks up to the third animal and is dumfounded. He says that is another tremendous shot to that blackbear right between the eyes. The game warden says I have a question though. Why does this bear have a bullet hole in each of his front paws?
The hunters say well you see its like this. When I shined the spot light on him, he raised his paws to cover his eyes.
04-18-2004, 08:53 AM
#17
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 358
RE: Some huntin' jokes to brighten your day...enjoy!
A hunter returning home a day early from his annual deer hunting trip arrived at his house to see a stange vehicle parked in the driveway.
The hunter suspected his wife was having an affair and this was his chance to catch her in the act but he needed a witness so he quickly solicited the help of his friend and neighbour.
Quietly entering the house, the hunter and friend tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.
The hunter in a fit of rage put his gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the hunter slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at at his friend and asked, "What would you do?"
The friend replied, "I'd cover his a$$ up with that blanket before he catches a cold."
The hunter suspected his wife was having an affair and this was his chance to catch her in the act but he needed a witness so he quickly solicited the help of his friend and neighbour.
Quietly entering the house, the hunter and friend tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.
The hunter in a fit of rage put his gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the hunter slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at at his friend and asked, "What would you do?"
The friend replied, "I'd cover his a$$ up with that blanket before he catches a cold."
04-19-2004, 12:27 PM
#19
Typical Buck
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 590
RE: Some huntin' jokes to brighten your day...enjoy!
A Montanan and a North Dakotan are in their blind on a duck hunt. A single duck comes over the blind. It's the North Dakotan's turn to shoot, so he empties his gun but the duck flies away unhurt. The shots do come close enough to scare the duck pretty bad, so it poops on the North Dakotan's head as it passes. The Montanan sees his partner's predicament, and reaches into his daypack and comes out with a roll of toilet paper. He hands the roll to the North Dakotan. The North Dakotan looks at the roll of TP and just shakes his head, "What good's this gonna do? That duck must be a mile away by now."
04-21-2004, 01:11 PM
#20
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,445
RE: Some huntin' jokes to brighten your day...enjoy!
Two blondes decided to try deer hunting. They study deer beahior, practice shooting and are ready for opening day. They arrive at their spot, set up and one blonde rattles in a nice buck. The second blonde takes aim and drops it with one shot. Of course they are thrilled, and they field dress it and start dragging it back to their vehicle. About half way, they meet another hunter. He looks at them and congratulates them on the nice buck and the fine shot. He says, "I only have one question, Why are you dragging him by the hind legs? That really tears up the hide. " The blondes say "Yeah, we thought of that, but when we tried dragging him head first, we only got further away from the car".