FroMan

With many of you guys starting to date or who have been dating, I figured we could talk about the issues surrounding dating and relationships with others.

If you have any questions about any of the above (topic line), or girls, or anything, ask; I and some others will try to help out and offer advice.

--I'm one of you guys, only 20 and face the same decisions yall do everyday. But some of the decisions we make when it comes to dating the opposite sex, affects us far more than we ever imagine it could or will.

Please, be mature and keep this post as serious as you can. In all honestly, I feel kinda reserved about posting this. I figured most of yall can handle it. This is not a post to talk about sexual acts (other then discussing the effects of it or things surrounding it) or explicit material (personal stories, etc. Just share your opinions on the matters) so if you are going to be an idiot about it, don't post.

All posts, even thought to be slightly out of line, will be deleted and warnings will be sent.

Our generation is facing some serious decisions, and we have to make sure that we make the right ones. Ones that will affect us and our friends the positively.

Many of us do not get a chance to really discuss these matters thoroughly before we are put in situations, that we are not prepared for, and are more likely to make the wrong decisions.

So here goes...

What do you find acceptable when it comes to dating relationships? Physically/sexually (effects, what's too far, absitnence, pre-marital, etc), age gap, distance wise (geographic location), etc.

j3k2c1

Thanks Froman!!!

TREEDOG

Excellent idea! Lets keep it PG13.

Red Hawk

I am not the best at the whole dating thing considering i'm 26 and single (i'll start dating again when i am ready) but i'd be more then happy to help out anyone who needs advice. I have alot of my friends call me seeking advice. I won't give out my phone number unless i know someone after awhile but feel free to IM me on my yahoo...ID is seanmknox. I'll help anyone as much as i can.

huntingirl89

here are my thoughts:

in relationships, i think loyalty is a HUGE deal... almost every relationship i've been in i've been cheated on and i have sadly lost my respect for men (along with my trust)... i've been in a relationship where i was physically abused by a man, another where he started out perfect and then said that "sex should be shared not between two people, but with everyone" and he did just that... another where he was perfect in every way... except he couldn't control himself when tempted by another girl, and he fell to her... i've been hurt too many times by men and will not date again probably until i'm either too old or until one proves himself trustworthy... sorry guys, just don't trust any of you to be faithful... i've had my heart broken too many times that they've convinced me that i'm perfect and they love me and then they came down on me when i least expected it and crushed me... thats what you get for falling in love

on age, i don't think age really matters as long as you are the right people for eachother and everyone is getting treated with respect

on distance: long distance relationships just don't work... i've tried the internet thing and it just doesn't work out at all

after losing my virginity to a guy that i was convinced i would be with the rest of my life (he convinced me of the same and then cheated on me not once but three times) i am abstinent... i will never do it again most likely and will die alone living on my mountain side with my horses as an old spinster

Beagle001

great idea froman


my views are that abstinence is the way to go. for one way too many things could happen (std's, babys, you may not go forever with that person)

also the Lord wants us to be pure until marriage. that should be a big reason not to do that stuff.

chase_cooper2006

i think that couples should only start having intercourse after they both feel secure...i mean i know people who just started doing it for the hell of it and broke up a week later...i mean that a buncha bullcrap...as for me i tell the girl that i wont do it with her unless she is positively sure that she is ready to move on to that stage of our relationships and that she won't regret it if and wen we finally decide that were ready...

Red Hawk

I think an couple should wait on getting into an level of intimacy until they are way into the relationship. I think the longer one can hold off on the whole sex thing, even until being married or at least. If an couple in fact wants to take the next step into an more physcial level of expressing feelings, then there should be an strong bond of love or an potiental love behind it. I think abistence is the best way to go however because now a days, its very easy to get an STD, deadly or non-deadly. There isn't such a thing as 'safe sex' anymore.

Age Gap: I have mixed feeling about this one because I have friends who dated guys who are much older then they are, and i have friends who dated girls who were much younger then them. I think responsiblity for whatever happens during and afterwards is what would count.

Distance: I think long distance relationships can work out as long as its within an reasonable distance. I dont believe in online things because from my own past, it never worked out. I am not saying it couldn't work out, just that it never did for me. I think if you make an effort to see that person, and he/she makes and effort as well. Long Distance relationships require an lot of time, money, but more importantly, trust and communcation (which is key thing even in any type of relationship as well) I think however, distance would only matter if one lets it.

FroMan

Figure I'll chime in seeing that I've gotten a few responses.

I personally believe that abstinence is the way to go when it comes to sex. We aren't taught to believe this way in our modern society. Most of this belief I have comes from being a born-again Christian. But another part of me, also believes that this is the wisest decision someone can make. Like others said, it keeps you from gettin STD's, having babies, being stuck in Wedlock Marriages where both spouses are unhappy, etc. I really believe that all of this sex in our nation is a main reason why morals are lacking, and why the divorce rate is so high. When I say "abstinence from sex" I'm talking about all forms of sex. Oral sex, fondling, and all the other types of "sex" that we pass off as not being "sex" at all.

When it comes to someone feeling or thinking "what is too far", it probably means that you've gone too far, or are trying to get too close to something. I say back off. If you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable doing something, then you probably shouldn't be doing it at all. In marriage, this "uncomfortable" feeling is gone, and nothing but excitement and anticipation remains.

I also believe that I personally, owe it to my future wife, whoever that may be, to be a virgin when we get married. That way she will not have to worry about STD's, past girlfriends, and I will have the most personal relationship anyone on earth can have with another person, only with her, the person I truly love.

Saying this, the girl I'm dating right now (and will probably marry) is not a virgin. I wish soo much that she was. I kinda feel let down by the fact that she's not, I always thought I'd marry a virgin, but if she is in fact the one for me, I am proud and glad, that I waited for her and only her, when it comes to my sexual life.

I think that once someone gets older (college and up) that the age gap is less of an issue. Though I would venture out and say that 10 years is too much of a gap however old a person is. When people start dating, and are in school. I wouldn't date more then 2 years either way. There's way too much difference in kids physically, and especially, maturity wise, when they are still in grade school. 18-16, 19-17, is acceptable I guess, but the closer the person is (who you are dating) to your age, the easier the relationship will be to maintain.

This really is up to the people I guess, but I've found that distance doesn't work unless you are extremely committed to the other person. I really believe that this "long-distance relationship" stuff, only usually works in married couples who are forced to keep a committment to each other. Otherwise, I would advise you to steer away from these, usually only hurt comes out of it.

--Some more words of wisdom (or so I think)- If you are not willing to marry the person you are dating, get out of the relationship. If you stay in it, marriage may end up being a result, and then both will end up unhappy, because you feel like you got "sucked" into it.


If yall have any questions, ask them. I'm having a hard time thinking of other things to discuss, but I feel like we should talk about things anyways. How about, "how do you know you are 'in love'?" How long should someone date before they decide to get married? When should a person start dating? Am I weird if I don't feel like dating at the moment?

FroMan

Another thing about sex that I forgot to add...the physical, mental, psychological tolls that having an active sex life brings, are really not worth the trouble.

On TV and in society, sex has been made a game, a recreation, when I believe it is something spiritual and physical, for two people to have and use as the ultimate bond of friendship.

TV doesn't show the feelings of guilt, and the emptiness that results from having sex with 100's of people. I don't wish that on anyone, because I feel that if people abstain, they will have a happier life later on. Even without my religious convictions, I still feel that abstinence is the smartest thing to do...

But I have been known to know a few people who are quite dumb and ignorant...

--Real-life Situation

One of my closest friends is pregnant right now. The guy who got her pregnant left town and headed to another part of the state to be with his "girlfriend." And now my buddy is left to raise a kid all by herself. I don't really feel for her, she got what she deserved, but I do feel an extreme sadness for the child she is going to have. The one that is going to have to grow-up knowing that "I wasn't supposed to happen" and "where is my daddy?" That is a sad situation to be in...the mistakes of the mother will haunt this kid for forever.

-So the next time one thinks about sleeping around, perhaps, just for a second, don't think about yourself, and what you will "enjoy" but for the person that might result because of the act. So many times the woman is left with the bad end of the deal, because guys are scum, and run off and leave and don't face up to the responsibility. That is sad to me...I just would love to have no one on this board end up in a situation like the one my friend is in, whether male or female.