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Leave wife??
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RE: Leave wife??
That is only a decision you can weigh out.. If she's lying about screwing around, and she is still doing it, then that is one thing, but if its something else thats another.. If you find out she is still lieing then i think you should make a move.. but this is something only you can make a decision about..
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RE: Leave wife??
Uggg,
Sounds like you two have some talking to do. Tough to give a opinion when I don't know either one of you or your relationship history and this is justmy opinion you need to decide what is right for you. The houses don't mean crapyou cansell them,it's your daughter that needs you both. And hopefully depending on how you feel about her you can set aside the past and move on. If you CAN"T put away the past then you have a problem. You need to think on how you feel about her. IF you still love her you need to work it out for you andyour daughter. If you don't you need really think what's best for you. And if it's worth being with someone you don't love or trust. But you can't try and work it out and keep throwing her lies back at her either. It will never work,if you both agree it's the past then leave it in the past. Start over and love that baby girl. Mine is 26 months and I am going to give her a kiss right now.;) Good luck I hope it all works out. |
RE: Leave wife??
If there is no trust on your part, than its only going to create more arguements, jealously, insecurity and possibly deep fights with her. In turn, this will eventually drive such a wedge between the both of you that there will be no working it out, or letting "time heal the wounds |
RE: Leave wife??
Can you post a pic of her? I will let you know the answer to this then.;)
ORIGINAL: cynikalHC Okay sorry about this post but I am sure this is the only place that I can get an unbiased opinion. If my wife has lied to me in the past about things and now I dont ever believe anything that she says to me anymore should I even waste anymore of mine or her time together? The only catch is we own two houses together and have a 22 month old daughter that we both love very much. Sorry about the unrelated post to hunting but I didnt know where else to get some unbiased input. |
RE: Leave wife??
This sounds familiar , i was in the same position as you and you alone can only make that decision . If she has been unfaithful to you and she lied or is still lying , then in my opinion it over . You will never trust the woman again and in some cases for good reason .
I took my wife back after she slept with somebody else  , because i loved her so much and we have 2 beautiful boys . I wanted to keep a family and would do anything to try , 3 months later i found out she was ****in him again and again i took her back to make a go of our marraige and for the kids , 2 months later i find out she's at it again with the same guy . We split and 5 months later we got back together , she said its what she wanted and i was missing the kids to much . 6months after that we split , i could not trust her . She was going out with her friends and i lost all my faith in her . By the way , i busted the guy up some and trashed his car  . I see my kids at the weekends and i can do what i want . Divorse cost me 10,000 .If any of this sounds familiar , get out fella . There are plentymore fish in the sea :D. If none of this sounds familiar , forget it ...just venting |
RE: Leave wife??
I strongly feel that every marriage has a make/break point, typically around 5-8 years in (the infamous 7 year itch). If you make it through whatever this issue is, more often than not, you will make it long term. If not, then you won't.
Only you can decide if its worth fighting for. |
RE: Leave wife??
Wow! Sorry to hear that! Only you can make that decision on what to do. If you need some one to talk too give me a ring! I'm only a pm away my friend! Good luck, my current relationship kinda stinks too so we may have a few things in common!
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RE: Leave wife??
Hmmm. Two houses.....one for Mommy....and one for Daddy.
Little girl has two fancy bedrooms, one at each happy house. Would you rather your little girl have two happy homes or one miserable one? Only you can say for sure. |
RE: Leave wife??
cheaper to keeper
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RE: Leave wife??
That is nothing that we can decide for you. If you can not trust her though it sounds like you will always have a problem. It would be better for the child if the two of you can work things out in a freindly manner and stay together. However, if that can not be done and you are only doing it for the child and arguments are occuring all the time, that is bad.
You know why divorce costs so much? Because it's worth it. :D I have no expirience in this, I just remember reading that once. |
RE: Leave wife??
*puts on the dunce cap*
my wife and I ran thru a problem like that a while ago, less than a yr ago, my fault completely, without going into details it boiled down to a trust problem on her part and I was the cause... we've been working it out... but saying it's easy would be disingenuous... for the sake of the kid, you should try to work it out... if you can't, then you've gotta leave cuz it can be worse for the kid to have a poor example of a relationship if you are fighting and etc around him/her... your kid is the priority and you guys need to talk about it in order to work it out... respectfully of course... yelling and cursing each other will make it worse... |
RE: Leave wife??
Go to counseling first!!!! See if you can work it out with a counselor before you throw away your marriage. If I were in your shoes I would want to know I tried every possible avenue before throwing in the the towel.
If you go to counseling and it works out you have saved your marriage, if it doesn't, then you know in your heart you did every thing you could possibly do. This to me equals a win win situation, just my .02 cents. :) |
RE: Leave wife??
ORIGINAL: robbcayman Go to counseling first!!!! |
RE: Leave wife??
Only you can make this decision, I know I tried everything to keep my first marriage together, she didn't want to stay together. It cost me
40,000 but today I am happy, she is miserable. The grass is not always greener on the other side. |
RE: Leave wife??
Man, don't give up hope. Seek both individual and joint counselling and do everything you can to save it. It isn't easy, but do it for yourself, your relationshipand your child. It takes both to fix what is broken. I know that of which I speak. It has taken 10 years to fix a problem in my marriage but it was worth it. Then change your signature line from "we interrupt this marriage for hunting season". Attitudes like this even if unspoken are easily picked up on. If it seems more than you can handle, seek guidance from "a higher authority" (God as you may see him). Good luck and don't cave in to the easy path.
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RE: Leave wife??
ORIGINAL: FRALEY Can you post a pic of her? I will let you know the answer to this then.;) ORIGINAL: cynikalHC Okay sorry about this post but I am sure this is the only place that I can get an unbiased opinion. If my wife has lied to me in the past about things and now I dont ever believe anything that she says to me anymore should I even waste anymore of mine or her time together? The only catch is we own two houses together and have a 22 month old daughter that we both love very much. Sorry about the unrelated post to hunting but I didnt know where else to get some unbiased input. Haha is Fraley only out to get some tail?!;) |
RE: Leave wife??
All good advice, but I'll give you some based on my experience. There is nothing wrong with trying to save your marriage, but be prepared.
Hide any sentimental family items of yours. Hide any vehicle titles. Don't underestimate her. They will do things you never imagined and will justify every bit of it. You might even consider hiring a private investigator. I know these aren't pleasant thoughts, but again, I'm speaking from experience. Very expensive experience. |
RE: Leave wife??
tough situation man. would be nice to know more details, especially the specifics about the lying and such....
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RE: Leave wife??
Depending on what the lies were about (every one seems to think it is about being unfaithfull, or maybe that isacouple'sworst fear....) somethings simply don't matter. Does it really matter that she spent $25.00 on something when she said she spent $10.00? My wife had a slight problem with buying "stuff" on her credit card. She never actually lied about anything, but she never told me she had wracked up a pretty big balance. Once I found out about it (same as lying to me) we resolved it, end of story. The practivce wasn't repeated (to my knowledge).
Just remember this too, no matter what the topic of lying is based on, be prepared if you are indeed going to resolve it, you may not want to hear it at first. As Isatarak said though, you may be wise to put your things in order for the just in case. Either way if you let it you will become miserable until it is resolved. God says in his word that if you have a problem with someone you should go to them, speak with them about it. Whether you are a christain or not, this is still great advice. It clears the air and will let you turn it loose. Timing is also key. For example bringing it up right before you are both headed to work is not a good idea. It is better to broach the topic when you have ample time to discuss it. My prayers are with you that you can find peace with this situation. |
RE: Leave wife??
It is not like I am some expert on marriage, only been married 4 yrs.
I hate to see any marriage break up. You need to have very good reason. If she killed someone, you should help hide the body. Just kidding, but I hope you get my point. She was good enough for you to marry. She might not be the girl you thought she was, but nobody ever is. She may be a total bitch, but they all can be. The grass always looks greener but seldom is. There is no reason to assume your next marriage would be any better. If you are going to leave her just because she lied, you better not get married again. Every woman will fail you in some way, just as you will fail her. |
RE: Leave wife??
ORIGINAL: Bob H in NH I strongly feel that every marriage has a make/break point, typically around 5-8 years in (the infamous 7 year itch). If you make it through whatever this issue is, more often than not, you will make it long term. If not, then you won't. Only you can decide if its worth fighting for. I want to leave it at this...I personally believe that the courts make divorce too easy. It is so easy that it makes people just right off the marriage as a bad thing and not try and make it work. I am not saying I don't agree with it, because there are deffinatly times when it is neccisary. Marriage is like a job...if you don't work at it...then you will fail. |
RE: Leave wife??
Do you know why divorce
is so expensive....... Because it's worth it:D |
RE: Leave wife??
Germ , your a married man . If your good lady reads that , you willhave some crawling to do. ;)
On a serious note , this ain't the time for laughing aboutcynikals problem. QUOTE...I personally believe that the courts make divorce too easy. It is so easy that it makes people just right off the marriage as a bad thing and not try and make it work.... well said IL_BOW_MAN Good luck fella , whatever your choice . |
RE: Leave wife??
Dude, believe me when I tell you I know PRECISELY what you speak of. I thought of leaving my wife quite often, and in fact slept at my parent's house quite a bit.....BUT, I learned something. Our struggles aren't against flesh and blood, but are of spiritual nature.
Before you make your decision, would you read a book, maybe even 2? They are both byJohn Eldredge, the first is Wild at Heart, and the second is The Journey of Desire. They are incredible, and if you put what he's talking about into practice...........ThingsWILL change.Leaving my wife is no longer an option, nor a desire.I could go on and on....but anyways...... |
RE: Leave wife??
Sorry man
thought we could use a little humor, getting a little deep. My wife loves that joke:) On a serious note, most people do not change I have notice. Take that for what it's worth |
RE: Leave wife??
Never leave your wife unless she tries to murder you :)
Seriously, I have toughed it out for a while and I am so proud of the relationship we have now. It only gets better when you learn to deal with each other. Leaving is the easy way... tough out the rough way and the rewards are worth it. |
RE: Leave wife??
I think that a lot of the good advice you've gotten boils down to a couple of things:
1) What are your priorities? 100% truthfullness, no matter how minor the falsehood? Faithfulness? The houses and other material things? Your child? Your relationship? The security of "having someone"? Hunting? Something else? 2) Can you trust her again and should you? Everyone messes up. Everyone. Probably the most important things in a marriage or any long term relationship are compassion, trust, forgiveness, committmentand perserverence. Is this lying a pattern or a screw-up? 3) Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Divorces can get nasty. Hide personal stuff that has sentimental or othervalue primarily to you away from your communal abodes. I'm not talking about the car, you machines, etc. That she will notice and ask about. Taht will corrode whatever trust you have. I mean family hierloom, pictures, rings, etc. Sometimes a spouse will start grabbing things like these to use as bargaining chips in the divorce. One other thing, as someone else mentioned,is your tagline. I could see how a wife might look at that and decide she wasn't a high priority with you. That might cause her to lower her committment to your relationship, which can really undermine an otherwise good relationship. We don't have a lot to go on to base our 2 cents on. That's why I'm being general. Counseling, whether from a therapist of a good, neutral third-party friend you can both trust, can be very valuable. I'd consider it. Whatever happens, good luck! |
RE: Leave wife??
ORIGINAL: IL_BOW_MAN ORIGINAL: Bob H in NH I strongly feel that every marriage has a make/break point, typically around 5-8 years in (the infamous 7 year itch). If you make it through whatever this issue is, more often than not, you will make it long term. If not, then you won't. Only you can decide if its worth fighting for. I want to leave it at this...I personally believe that the courts make divorce too easy. It is so easy that it makes people just right off the marriage as a bad thing and not try and make it work. I am not saying I don't agree with it, because there are deffinatly times when it is neccisary. Marriage is like a job...if you don't work at it...then you will fail. my little problem crept up around January this year, we're working thru it, things are going well, just celebrated 9yrs... so ya, i'd definitely agree on the 7yr itch thing as well... in the end, this has made me a better husband though, i learned a lot, but it'll take a while to rebuild that trust... and I may not be able to rebuild it 100%, but i'm trying... |
RE: Leave wife??
aa
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RE: Leave wife??
So are you saying your marraige is ok then ?
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RE: Leave wife??
wow that was an easy fix . I'm not sure how to interpret this post ?
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RE: Leave wife??
I just wanted to make sure that everyone knew I appreciated all the feed back and info. I am still debating on what exactly needs to happen.
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RE: Leave wife??
I say wait on top of the roof of the garage, and when she gets out of her car, double ham her with a blunt.. You will feel much better, trust me on this;)DFA
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RE: Leave wife??
Hey Germ, you were a little late on that one!!!;)
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RE: Leave wife??
ORIGINAL: Wheatley Hey Germ, you were a little late on that one!!!;) I really hope all works out well for you. |
RE: Leave wife??
Not very funny
You had us all worried[:o] |
RE: Leave wife??
I think maybeyou and hershould seek a good marriage counselor at least for starters.
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RE: Leave wife??
If she screwed up once, and repented and changed her ways, I'd say fine...work it out.
If she has betrayed you repeatedly, go home one day and clean out her crap and kick her ass to the curb. Your commitment ends when you become enslaved to another's ill nature. Life is too short to waste any time on a hopeless cause, even for your daughter's sake. She (daughter) will love you no matter what, and you could be a better Dad to her without the other's baggage. Think and then think some more. You'll know what to do. Do you think that you Love her, but she doesn't Love you? If that's the case get outta there. The hurt will subside faster than you think, once you realize your Love was unrequited. And once you find real Love, you wont even remember the "bad" one. |
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