Leave wife??
10-22-2007 | 09:37 AM
#21
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 153
Likes: 0
From:
RE: Leave wife??
Depending on what the lies were about (every one seems to think it is about being unfaithfull, or maybe that isacouple'sworst fear....) somethings simply don't matter. Does it really matter that she spent $25.00 on something when she said she spent $10.00? My wife had a slight problem with buying "stuff" on her credit card. She never actually lied about anything, but she never told me she had wracked up a pretty big balance. Once I found out about it (same as lying to me) we resolved it, end of story. The practivce wasn't repeated (to my knowledge).
Just remember this too, no matter what the topic of lying is based on, be prepared if you are indeed going to resolve it, you may not want to hear it at first.
As Isatarak said though, you may be wise to put your things in order for the just in case. Either way if you let it you will become miserable until it is resolved. God says in his word that if you have a problem with someone you should go to them, speak with them about it. Whether you are a christain or not, this is still great advice. It clears the air and will let you turn it loose. Timing is also key. For example bringing it up right before you are both headed to work is not a good idea. It is better to broach the topic when you have ample time to discuss it.
My prayers are with you that you can find peace with this situation.
Just remember this too, no matter what the topic of lying is based on, be prepared if you are indeed going to resolve it, you may not want to hear it at first.
As Isatarak said though, you may be wise to put your things in order for the just in case. Either way if you let it you will become miserable until it is resolved. God says in his word that if you have a problem with someone you should go to them, speak with them about it. Whether you are a christain or not, this is still great advice. It clears the air and will let you turn it loose. Timing is also key. For example bringing it up right before you are both headed to work is not a good idea. It is better to broach the topic when you have ample time to discuss it.
My prayers are with you that you can find peace with this situation.
10-22-2007 | 09:50 AM
#22
Fork Horn
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 260
Likes: 0
RE: Leave wife??
It is not like I am some expert on marriage, only been married 4 yrs.
I hate to see any marriage break up. You need to have very good reason. If she killed someone, you should help hide the body. Just kidding, but I hope you get my point.
She was good enough for you to marry. She might not be the girl you thought she was, but nobody ever is. She may be a total bitch, but they all can be. The grass always looks greener but seldom is. There is no reason to assume your next marriage would be any better.
If you are going to leave her just because she lied, you better not get married again. Every woman will fail you in some way, just as you will fail her.
I hate to see any marriage break up. You need to have very good reason. If she killed someone, you should help hide the body. Just kidding, but I hope you get my point.
She was good enough for you to marry. She might not be the girl you thought she was, but nobody ever is. She may be a total bitch, but they all can be. The grass always looks greener but seldom is. There is no reason to assume your next marriage would be any better.
If you are going to leave her just because she lied, you better not get married again. Every woman will fail you in some way, just as you will fail her.
10-22-2007 | 09:52 AM
#23
Giant Nontypical
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 5,012
Likes: 0
From: Chatsworth IL USA
RE: Leave wife??
ORIGINAL: Bob H in NH
I strongly feel that every marriage has a make/break point, typically around 5-8 years in (the infamous 7 year itch). If you make it through whatever this issue is, more often than not, you will make it long term. If not, then you won't.
Only you can decide if its worth fighting for.
I strongly feel that every marriage has a make/break point, typically around 5-8 years in (the infamous 7 year itch). If you make it through whatever this issue is, more often than not, you will make it long term. If not, then you won't.
Only you can decide if its worth fighting for.
I want to leave it at this...I personally believe that the courts make divorce too easy. It is so easy that it makes people just right off the marriage as a bad thing and not try and make it work. I am not saying I don't agree with it, because there are deffinatly times when it is neccisary. Marriage is like a job...if you don't work at it...then you will fail.
10-22-2007 | 10:07 AM
#25
Nontypical Buck
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,089
Likes: 0
From: England , UK
RE: Leave wife??
Germ , your a married man . If your good lady reads that , you willhave some crawling to do. 
On a serious note , this ain't the time for laughing aboutcynikals problem.
QUOTE...I personally believe that the courts make divorce too easy. It is so easy that it makes people just right off the marriage as a bad thing and not try and make it work.... well said IL_BOW_MAN
Good luck fella , whatever your choice .
On a serious note , this ain't the time for laughing aboutcynikals problem.
QUOTE...I personally believe that the courts make divorce too easy. It is so easy that it makes people just right off the marriage as a bad thing and not try and make it work.... well said IL_BOW_MAN
Good luck fella , whatever your choice .
10-22-2007 | 10:10 AM
#26
Boone & Crockett
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 11,682
Likes: 0
From: Michigan/Ohio
RE: Leave wife??
Sorry man
thought we could use a little humor, getting a little deep. My wife loves that joke
On a serious note, most people do not change I have notice. Take that for what it's worth
thought we could use a little humor, getting a little deep. My wife loves that joke
On a serious note, most people do not change I have notice. Take that for what it's worth
10-22-2007 | 10:10 AM
#27
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 13,082
Likes: 0
From:
RE: Leave wife??
Dude, believe me when I tell you I know PRECISELY what you speak of. I thought of leaving my wife quite often, and in fact slept at my parent's house quite a bit.....BUT, I learned something. Our struggles aren't against flesh and blood, but are of spiritual nature.
Before you make your decision, would you read a book, maybe even 2?
They are both byJohn Eldredge, the first is Wild at Heart, and the second is The Journey of Desire. They are incredible, and if you put what he's talking about into practice...........ThingsWILL change.Leaving my wife is no longer an option, nor a desire.I could go on and on....but anyways......
Before you make your decision, would you read a book, maybe even 2?
They are both byJohn Eldredge, the first is Wild at Heart, and the second is The Journey of Desire. They are incredible, and if you put what he's talking about into practice...........ThingsWILL change.Leaving my wife is no longer an option, nor a desire.I could go on and on....but anyways......
10-22-2007 | 10:10 AM
#28
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 128
Likes: 0
From:
RE: Leave wife??
Never leave your wife unless she tries to murder you
Seriously, I have toughed it out for a while and I am so proud of the relationship we have now. It only gets better when you learn to deal with each other.
Leaving is the easy way... tough out the rough way and the rewards are worth it.
Seriously, I have toughed it out for a while and I am so proud of the relationship we have now. It only gets better when you learn to deal with each other.
Leaving is the easy way... tough out the rough way and the rewards are worth it.
10-22-2007 | 10:22 AM
#29
Typical Buck
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 753
Likes: 0
From: Virginia
RE: Leave wife??
I think that a lot of the good advice you've gotten boils down to a couple of things:
1) What are your priorities? 100% truthfullness, no matter how minor the falsehood? Faithfulness? The houses and other material things? Your child? Your relationship? The security of "having someone"? Hunting? Something else?
2) Can you trust her again and should you? Everyone messes up. Everyone. Probably the most important things in a marriage or any long term relationship are compassion, trust, forgiveness, committmentand perserverence. Is this lying a pattern or a screw-up?
3) Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Divorces can get nasty. Hide personal stuff that has sentimental or othervalue primarily to you away from your communal abodes. I'm not talking about the car, you machines, etc. That she will notice and ask about. Taht will corrode whatever trust you have. I mean family hierloom, pictures, rings, etc. Sometimes a spouse will start grabbing things like these to use as bargaining chips in the divorce.
One other thing, as someone else mentioned,is your tagline. I could see how a wife might look at that and decide she wasn't a high priority with you. That might cause her to lower her committment to your relationship, which can really undermine an otherwise good relationship.
We don't have a lot to go on to base our 2 cents on. That's why I'm being general. Counseling, whether from a therapist of a good, neutral third-party friend you can both trust, can be very valuable. I'd consider it. Whatever happens, good luck!
1) What are your priorities? 100% truthfullness, no matter how minor the falsehood? Faithfulness? The houses and other material things? Your child? Your relationship? The security of "having someone"? Hunting? Something else?
2) Can you trust her again and should you? Everyone messes up. Everyone. Probably the most important things in a marriage or any long term relationship are compassion, trust, forgiveness, committmentand perserverence. Is this lying a pattern or a screw-up?
3) Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Divorces can get nasty. Hide personal stuff that has sentimental or othervalue primarily to you away from your communal abodes. I'm not talking about the car, you machines, etc. That she will notice and ask about. Taht will corrode whatever trust you have. I mean family hierloom, pictures, rings, etc. Sometimes a spouse will start grabbing things like these to use as bargaining chips in the divorce.
One other thing, as someone else mentioned,is your tagline. I could see how a wife might look at that and decide she wasn't a high priority with you. That might cause her to lower her committment to your relationship, which can really undermine an otherwise good relationship.
We don't have a lot to go on to base our 2 cents on. That's why I'm being general. Counseling, whether from a therapist of a good, neutral third-party friend you can both trust, can be very valuable. I'd consider it. Whatever happens, good luck!
10-22-2007 | 10:31 AM
#30
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 661
Likes: 0
From: Antioch, IL
RE: Leave wife??
ORIGINAL: IL_BOW_MAN
I will 100% agree with that statement. My marriage went through a rough patch just over a year agoright at the 7 year mark. It wasn't easy, it wasn't pretty but we made it through it...so far. Long story short, she did some things that made me somewhat not trust her anymore.I still trust her 100%, but that is based on the whole new line of communication that the events have opened for us. In the first 7 years, I can honestly say I can count the number of fights on one hand, even if I was missing a couple of fingers. After the events last year, I can still count the fights on the same hand and not use any more fingers. She came to me with the truth and I didn't have to pry it out of her. We talked about it rationally like adults, never yelled, never screamed. We found the help of some very close friends and relatives that we knew we could trust and count on. I give them 100% credit on us still being together. Neither one of us wanted to leave, we wanted what we already had, except we knew we needed to change some things to make it right and make it last. I will be the first one to admit, it is/was a lot of work. It is really easy to fall right back to where you were and forget about the promises made to each other.
I want to leave it at this...I personally believe that the courts make divorce too easy. It is so easy that it makes people just right off the marriage as a bad thing and not try and make it work. I am not saying I don't agree with it, because there are deffinatly times when it is neccisary. Marriage is like a job...if you don't work at it...then you will fail.
ORIGINAL: Bob H in NH
I strongly feel that every marriage has a make/break point, typically around 5-8 years in (the infamous 7 year itch). If you make it through whatever this issue is, more often than not, you will make it long term. If not, then you won't.
Only you can decide if its worth fighting for.
I strongly feel that every marriage has a make/break point, typically around 5-8 years in (the infamous 7 year itch). If you make it through whatever this issue is, more often than not, you will make it long term. If not, then you won't.
Only you can decide if its worth fighting for.
I want to leave it at this...I personally believe that the courts make divorce too easy. It is so easy that it makes people just right off the marriage as a bad thing and not try and make it work. I am not saying I don't agree with it, because there are deffinatly times when it is neccisary. Marriage is like a job...if you don't work at it...then you will fail.
my little problem crept up around January this year, we're working thru it, things are going well, just celebrated 9yrs... so ya, i'd definitely agree on the 7yr itch thing as well... in the end, this has made me a better husband though, i learned a lot, but it'll take a while to rebuild that trust... and I may not be able to rebuild it 100%, but i'm trying...