Problems with Wife!
 

Hey Guys,

I am so worn down by my wife and her attitude about me getting in the woods, it does not even sound worth it anymore. I just can't understand the problem. I do more than most husbands and bring home great money. She doesn't even have to work. She HATES when I go hunting. It's like I'm choosing hunting or her every time I mention it. I am beat down and ready to concede she wins. I give up. Anyone else feel this way?

Mike

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

I wouldn't give up. My wife knew the day she met me, what hunting meant to me and that I was going to do it regardless and if she didnt like it to hit the road. She is still hereand still knows the rule.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

I was lucky and married a woman who's dad likes to hunt deer as much as I do. She grew up with him hunting a lot so she has no problem with the amount of hunting I do. In fact, her dad and I hunt together. That means a lot to her so she has no problem whatsoever with it. Every gun I own has been gifts from her (with her fathers direction of course...:)) There was one occasion when she mentioned how much money I spend on hunting to which I replied that a) this is my one hobby I have, the rest of the year I work my butt off, b) lets take a look at the checkbook to see how much money has been spent on scrapebooking in the last year. She put a grin on her face and said, "no, lets not do that" and everything was good again...:D

Maybe you can sit down with her and talk it out. Ask her what bothers her the most. Maybe its just too much time away that bothers her and you can come to a mutual understanding of how much is too much. Sending her flowers is ALWAYS a great idea. Of course if all else fails, bribery is your friend....:D

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Question is - will you really be happier staying at home? My wife was that way when we first got married. I almost gave in until the realization hit me that I DESERVE to hunt - It's my right - it's what keeps me happy! You could be doing something far worse. Would she prefer you take up the hobby of bar-hopping? I think not. Hunting is something wholesomethat is passed from father to son/daughter/wife that nothing in this world can compare to. Ask her if she would like to go one day - if she refuses (for whatever reason), tell her the truth - that she is selfish - and don't let her go shopping anymore;).

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Maybe you just need to tell your wife you are going to do this and not let her say otherwise. You are a free man in a free country, right? I consult my wife on most things and usually reach a concensus decision with her, but on important matters I would be ready to follow my own path. I'm not sure deer hunting qualifies as an "important matter," though.

I would ask her to explicitly state her objections. If she can't explicitly state her objections, than she really doesn't have objections. Get these objections written down on paper. Examine each objection separately and try to resolve them one by one. If she doesn't want to hunt because this takes time away from her, offer to compensate for this time away from her with special time with her -- a date, a weekend out of town doing something she likes, etc. If she objects to hunting because it costs too much, offer to offset the cost of hunting by savings you make on your own. If she doesn't trust you to be away for a deer season -- getting in trouble by drinking or chasing other women -- try to work on this trust issue. In the final analysis, if you have addressed each of her objections and she still doesn't agree to your going -- and deer hunting is important to you -- I say just make a command decision and get on out to the deer stand!!!

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

I do hunt with her father. The truth is that she has seen her mother do the same thing to her father and now it is one week at the cabin and season over for him. I don't ask anymore to spend two weeks at the cabin. We have 2 boys at home so I have changed my hunting a bunch. I now have 5 or 6 places I can hunt right near my home in the morning or evening and still get home by 6:30pm. I hate to lay down ultimatums, but it is sure coming to the point where she is going to make me choose. I should be thinking of what stand to get in right now and I am seeking counceling. This is so sad, I don't know how it got here. I have never abused the privelege. Her father just accepts the fact that he will hunt for one week and moves on. This is a guys that used to hunt out west growing up. I don't even know how to talk to him anymore. He went from outdoorsman with pride to being a cabana boy with shopping and playing golf with his wife 3 times a week. I'm dying here.

Mike

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Get a dog and ditch the wife .... she said "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" .... well your "sickness" is hunting ...she needs to get over it !

Roll Tide
DD

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

SAD SAD SAD ,I have no constructive advice.You made your bed ,quess you have to sleep in it. So sorry

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Did you promise her a Rose Garden?

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

365 days a year you work whats one or two weeks.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

You didn't say how many years ya'll have been married, but with two boys I guess it is 5+ years. Sounds like there isn't an easy answer. Has this been gradually building the entire time of your marriage? Unless ya'll can have a complete understanding of the amount of time you want and need while hunting sounds like nobody will be happy. No easy answer, good luck. Professional counseling?

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Hunting is only for a couple of months a year. I bet she shops more than that???

I feel sorry for u, but u need to sit your foot down!

My ole lady knew from day one what I would be doing during hunting season.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Sounds like a little more is wrong than just her being unhappy with you hunting. If she's alone all day not working, she's probably bored to tears, then wants plenty of attention from you leaving her feeling abandoned when you take off hunting. Could be wrong, just a hunch.

Not sure how to solve it whateve it is, I think you need to start with a foundation and understanding though. My wife loves the fall and wishes to spend every second she can with me, but realizes that I wouldn't be any fun to hang with unless I got my hunting fix.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

That is a total downer. When I get married there will be an understanding that this time of year I will be in the field a lot. My girlfriend who I currently live with is very understanding of me going out for a long weekend with the boys and hunting. Your wife should have known this going into it.

There is no reason you should quit hunting you'll jsut end up being angry with yourself.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Tell her first to get a job & then a life .That way you would be able to take more time off to go hunting ,& with all her new friends at work she would not miss you as much.And with any luck her boss would take a liken to her and sweep her out of your life for ever.
You and the kids would be free to enjoy a good life and she would get a new start at destroying someone elses.

Or of course you could put your apron back on and try to get the dishes done before days of our lives is over!!!!!!!!

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

mine gets upset as well from time to time but she knew from Day 1 that hunting is a great passion to me and im not giving it up for anything.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Mines upset because I'm going today!!! Leaving right now!!!
Good luck...

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

I would have to agree with everyone. Did she know prior to you getting married that you enjoy hunting and all of the good stuff behind it? First, ask her if she likes to eat? Then tell her that you are a provider and you put food on the table for your entire family to eat. It's not that you want to spend time away from her, but that you have to spend time away from her to help her to survive by providing food. If that doesn't work, then there must be something else, other than you going hunting that she seems to be missing.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Your entitled to your hobbie . . . She should be happy that it is not collecting child porn or some other such twisted thing. If you were a big golfer you would be gone every weekend too. . . .She needs to know that you give her her space and time for her hobbies and thus you should get yours. If you two are to spend 24/7 tied at the hip there is a bigger problem a brewing, a bit insecure perhaps. Tell her that next week you have a 2 day pool tournement at the local topless bar, might make hunting sound pretty safe.

I bet if packaged right Hunting is a pretty good thing afterall . . . . Or you have someone that needs to grow up a bit.

Good luck. . . . .

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

I planned a trip to wisconsin for about a week and a half. This being my first planned hunting trip of our marriage, my wife was a little upset. We argued about it for a while when I told her how much it was going to cost me. I assured her all the money would be from my own saving not ours. Her final argument was "what if I took my own vacation for a week and a half, how wouold you like that?" and I said I wouldnt give a crap. End of story. I guess it made her realize that she was being a bit irrational, and that i really wouldnt care. If she took off for a week and a half, I would probably hunt the whole time. She was actually dissapointed for me when the trip got cancelled. Moral being, maybe you should tell her that this is what you want to do, if she has a problem with being alone, why doesnt she look for something that she likes to do.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Following mama's lead possibly and like said some other things going on. First try finding out what is bothering her at the root! That isif it is worth slavaging(meaning your happy with her in your life! Don't answer this question when your thinking about the grief she is giving about hunting! Rather re-count the entire year or years you've had... a broad spectrum look at your life together weighing the +'s and then looking at the -'s of the relationship.) If she is only focused on your hunting and it takes you away, then encourage her to get a hobby other than shopping to indulge herself in. This will give her something to do all herself but yet allow her to share it withthe family. Try setting up times where she can get away with her pals or whatever and have her own alone time. Being a stay at home Mom or wife is most certainly a job and can lead to depression and/or a loss of self indentity. We wisk off to the garage, woods, etcwhile the ladies are left holding the bag, so giving her a share is only fair IMHO. I am not saying men don't do things around the home, we all have our duties but try taking on her role as well just so she can have a day or few hours all to herself. I know dad's who have never bathed their childern...what makes them feel this isn't in their fatherly duties? What the heck is women's work? Really??? I do wash, cook most of the meals, clean the house (this includes dusting fella's), bath my kids, take them to and fro, etc. If I never had a wife who would do such duties? If I never had a wife who would pick up the slack when I was off hunting? Extent her the same graditude at least some of the time. Ok enough of my blah.blahing!

Tell her what hunting means to you. Tell her it is part of the man she married to xx years ago andit makes you feel like your inadequate to her byasking youto change who you are. Also tell her your concern about feeling like your choosing hunting over the family or vice versa. Be honest and forthcoming, their is no point sinking your emotions or true feelings deep inside as they will come back in bad way later. Deal with it before it is too late for you both and if that point has already come then better to end now then continue down the path your on. THE KIDS aren't a good excuse..they will suffer from an unhappy home more than mommy and daddy living apart!

I have been with my wife for 15 years of which 11 married, we have 2 girls and I will never say there haven't been tough times but we have endured through them by remaining friends first and foremost. Communication is often broken between men and women,as we see things differently being a male and female. However never stop striving to remain somewhat in tune with each other. I see her as an equal, she has every right as me and in turn we accept each other for who we are. I won't lie she gets miffed with my hunting obession but also knows that it is part of who I am and accepts this fact. I try to make up for it in every way possible by encouraging her to do things by herself and fuel her own interests. I believe our secret is common interests, individual interestsand communication. If you can believe it I opt to chat vs jumping in the sack so that she can get things off her mind.[:o] I believe a relationship is about give and take. Sometimes your the boot and sometimes your the butt but as long as it is shared you can endure!

Extremely tough situation and wish you all the best!

Take Care

PS: IMHO any one who loves you won't ask you to change unless it makes you a better person. So evaluate what the person is saying before making a rash decisionto see if it will indeed accomplish this goal. Ifonly abandaid then it will eventually fall of exposing a infected wound!

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Just an after thought. . . .an ultimatum. . .let me see, a wife that gest to stay home and raise the children or she could be a single mom and have to work and then raise the kids. . . .

Call her bluff. . . .

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Go in one night when she is asleep and get her purse and open it up an findyour testicles and put them back on. Be a man and stop being so whipped or shut up and stop crying about it and stay home and be her lap dog. Have fun.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

When I go it's for 3 weeks and sometimes 4 and she's with me!!!;)Since 1967.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Man I wish I could give some advice but in the last three years I lost my wife of thirteen yrs. and two girlfriends, all due to my hunting. So, I'm in no place to give anybody any advice. GOOD LUCK!

P.S. If you learn the secret, let me know

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Leave late and come home early.

Not in reailty, just present it that way. I always tell my wife that I am leaving on (insert day of the week) well before my trip. As my "departure" date approaches, I push it back at least one day and spend some QT with the wife. She feel pretty good that I sacrificed a few days of my hunt for her, but in reality, I get my full weeks hunt.

I often come home a day early too. I do the same thing as I do when I leave.....not really missing anything,it just appears that way to her. She is surprised and feels good that I came hoem early to her!


I know it sounds bad, but I really do it to make her feel better. She is a stay at home wife and mother, but she is very cool about me and my hunting passion. I really do not need to do this, but I have found that she gets excited everytime I do................Try it.......it may work;)

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Hey Kybuckhunter,

How long have you been divorced and who is that guy raising your children. If you don't have anything to say that might help, Piss off! I'm sure in your little world things are just that simple. Just like you!

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Hey, IL Hunter...make it legal and see if she still feels the same way!

Heh.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

dump her

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

THERE IS A FLAG ON THE PLAY ..WE HAVE A 15 YARD PENELTY ON THE BLUE FOR ILLEGAL USE OF THE MOUTH !

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

She can either grow up and accept that hunting is important to you , or shut the hell up . I count myself fortunate that my wife has no probs with it and has even expressed a slight interest , yours sounds like she will never accept it .
Take a stand , don't back down .

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Hey Virgin Mike I mean Virginia Mike.....I have been married one time and it's been 13 years now and I have two kids. I know guys like you and they are all the same. They are scared to death of their wife. Your a big boy and you shouldn't have to get permission to go hunting from your wife. I do believe you have to balance your family life and your hunting. I go on vacations with the family and do activities with the kids. I even took my 10 year old daughter on her first deer hunt this year and she killed a good 9 pointer. My wife wasn't real happy that she wants to hunt be she understands what it means to me.

You can come on here and sob and hope to find comfort in the hopes you find someone else on here that's in your shoes but don't get mad at me for stating the truth. If you and your domineering wife have trouble go see a councilor or do something that will let you work this out or your destined to live a miserable married life. Good luck.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Oh by the way Mike...I didn't go hunting tonight because I went to see my 10 year old daughter receive her black belt in taekwondo. Also I'm off for three straight weeks and I can hunt any day I want. My family is first but I hunt extremely hard this time of year and they understand this time of year is special to me.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

Not knowing your situation,I'd say take a stand.Offer to take her with you.Talk it out.I'm lucky,I told my wife this is what I do before we married and she know's I'm going.The only thing this year she put her foot down about this yearis I had to take my grand daughter once.I just smiled and said"sure".

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

wow, that must really suck to be in that position...it's not really fair that she'd do that to you or y'all's marriage.
she knew what she was getting into when y'all were married and if she truly loved you she wouldn't want to take something that means so much to you away from you.
can you get her out in the woods? maybe she can video or take pics...maybe y'all could go somewhere for a couple weeks and make it a family thing.
i love my husband but if he tried to take huntin' away from me then i'd be contacting my attorney...my husband introduced me to the sport and now that i'm a full fledged addict there's NO WAY i'm giving it up...it's all his fault that i'm a huntin' freak so he'll have to accept it or move on....but we don't have kids so it's not that easy for everyone.
i really hope that both y'all get some counseling because it would be ashame for her selfishness (no offense) to destroy a family....i mean you only get a couple months out of the year to hunt and you should be able to do that...she has you at home with her the rest of the year and should be thankful...i'm sorry if i've urked ya with my opinion...it's not my intention...i just think you as a man and hunter deserves someone who will support you and the sport you love so much....best of luck to both of you and hopefully y'all will come up with a compromise which will work for both of y'all.

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

My wife didn't really grow up in a hard core hunting family like I did. Her dad rifle hunted deer about 3 days a year and that was it. When we were dating she used to get upset when deer season rolled around and I went hunting instead of on a date with her. She used tojoke that the only way she could get any attention from me in deer season, would be to grow a set of antlers!She got used to it over time. She started to see how much it meant to me and my family. I talked many times with her about how it helped strengthen family ties, and how it wasn't a competition. I don't think she believed me when I told her that, given the power to choose, I would choose for my Dad to shoot a trophy deer before I did.

Fast forward 10 years..we have 3 children and my wife hunts with me. I do balance hunting and family. She knows that come September 15th...my time starts to be taken up with hunting. She also knows that throughout the rest of the year, I'm pretty much game for whatever she wants to do. If you're spending massive amounts of time hunting during season, and yet refusing to give her time the rest of the year, you need to look at what it is that's distracting you during the off season. Regardless of what some others have said, most marriages require a lot of work, or they aren't going to be good ones. If you are being responsible to your family in the off season, you need to let her know just how unhappy you are. Explain how much hunting means to you....have you ever tried to sit down and put into words what it does mean to you? Maybe you're having trouble communicating those needs to her. If she still doesn't buy it, you have some deeper issue that's hurting your relationship. That issue needs to be resolved or your marriage will not last.

Talk to her....it usually works.

GH

RE: Problems with Wife!
 

I wound up blessed with a wonderful woman, whose father hunts, even though she isn't crazy about venison. Two weeks before we were married, she left me speechless one day by saying, "I want to learn how to bowhunt." Once I scraped my jaw off the carpet, I responded the only way I knew how--"What???" She repeated what she said. I repeated my answer, as I took off my glasses. She said it again. By this time, I had managed to regain my senses, and said, "Okay!"

Later on, she said that she would have to fast for a few days before killing a deer, just to get the urge to hunt to the surface. However, she has no problems with my hunting . . . okay, she may have a problem with listening to me fume over and over about how a deer faked me out the previous weekend, but she doesn't get mad with me going hunting.

I thank God every day for bringing us together.