The weather here is beautiful but a bit warm. Dogwoods are in full bloom and itsbeautiful.It's now 85 degrees...much too hotfor running up and down mountain ridges looking for turkeys.

Yesterday, I went to where we went on opening day. I heard several gobbles that were on the other ridge--the one where I have made a dent on the turkey population in recent years, you know, the onewhere I kill turkeys when you are sleeping against a tree or fiddle farting around with some long hair like Jaron.

Like a young fool I bailed off into the ravine and went charging up the other side of the mountain. After nearly dying of a heart attack, I finally came to the realization that I’m not as young as I used to be. Heck, in another 5 years, I'll be weakened down to the physical state that most people reside in now.

Anyhow, as I was sitting there listening to my heartbeat, it became apparent that every living creature within a hundred yard radius could hear it also. I had 9 squirrels, one half grown coon and 3 hens coming from different directions walk up to me and an owl land in the tree that I was sitting against. Apparently theycame to see what all the racket was. The owl looked at me and started hooting. I'm positivethat he was telling all of his buddies to congregatetheresoon--as he was sure that at my present heart rate--I was soon to die, providing them all with a free meal.

Fortunately for me my number wasn’t up yet...and although I might have argued it at the time--God saw fit to let me live another day. I must have too many bills to pay or perhaps he wants me to train up my grandchildren in the proper methods of survival when the Mexicans decide to initiate the Atzlan plan or something.

In the meantime, Mr. Turkey realized that it was me coming up the ridge after him, and after some dialogue with some of the Jakes that survived my endeavors last year, he realized that the absolute best place for him was on the OTHER ridge that I had just came from.

Don’t let those pea-brained turkeys fool you. They are smarter than you think. They discussed flying back and forth from ridge to ridge because they assumed that I would be stupid enough to follow...like I did yesterday. They know that they are only safe if they can get me to kill myself with a heart attack. Then and only then...will they be safe and not have to look over their shoulders everytime they come out of the roost.

Until then...know that I am out there sneaking and slipping ever so quietly. The next and last thing that a big tom will remember is the fireball from the muzzle-flash of my 3.5 inch 2 oz load of number 4's flying through his tiny little brain. As his spirit moves down the tunnel with the light at the end of it,he's gonna think, Hmmm...maybe I wasn’t as smart as ole Bob was after all.

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This was posted to me on a blog by my dad. Man he's a character ain't he. This is where I got most of my gene pool from. Now yall know why I'm so messed up. lol

It cracked me up though, figured some of yall might get a kick out of it.

Well....it happened again.

ME and the infamous FroMan went turkey hunting the same as we have done ever since he was knee high to a grasshopper.

Since I had already whacked a fair sized tom last Monday, we were both concentrating on letting him kill a tom so as to maintain just a little bit of respect amongst his hunting buddies, which seems to be at an all time low this year.

So FroMaN was pretty intent on killing a turkey, and he was a bit anxious about itbecause at the rate that they are hitting the ground he was afraid that there wouldnt be any left within the next few days.

My son may be in fact, the only turkey hunter left in these parts that dosent have any tales to tell.

We hear a few distant gobbles and take off like a scalded dog after them. We did manage to call up a hen and we did manage to walk up on another, but that aint much to talk about.

So we walk up to this litte oak flat and decide to sit and call a bit. We've seen turkeys there before and some scratches were evident. I sat down against a huge oak tree and he elected to sit at another tree about 20 yards away. "Yo Punk" I say..."get over here and sit with me". FroMan says "man I aint sitting at that tree...its got posion ivy all over it". If yall have read the last few posts of his, you'll arleady know that he has a massive case of posion ivy all over his back. I can testify that his skin likes poison ivy about as much as Bill Clinton likes to lie. It aint a pretty sight...

De ja vu hits me. For some reason, about the last 14 times he has chose not to sit close to me, I've managed to whack a tom while he was either alseep or watching with wide eyes in shock and disbelief at that fact that his ole man was shooting and killing within spittin distance AGAIN.

"Boy" says me..."If one walks up on me Im whacking it..."

Sure enough,about 20 minutes later, a young tom walks up and spots us. He let out 3 loud clucks that woke up FRO and I have to admit, I was about to doze off myself. Being the machine of death that I am, I spotted a tiny beard sticking out as the turkey made the mistake of flying off behind me. I threw up and shot and dead centered the poor thing.

It was spectacular. Never in my life had I seen such a display of turkey feathers rain down and down for minutes after. The tom never even flapped a wing when he hit the ground. Where he did hit the ground was another impressive display of feathers. There was about a 15 yard string of feathers just glistenin and dancinin the sunlight like a rainbowfrom where I made contact to wear he landed. It was a beautiful thing to behold that only a turkey hunter could appreciate.

As we are there admiring the Jake, feathers are settling all over FroMans shoulders and booney hat. "You might want to gather up some of these feathers "I say."That may be as close to a Tom as you get".

FROMAN just looks at the turkey in disbeleif. He mumbles over and over..."man I cant beleive you did it AGAIN" .

edited to add;

WHoops...I posted this under FROMANS name rather than my own, which in case anyone cares is HOTGUNS. Same story tho...so it dont matter.

Good stuff!