Okay, Deer camp is coming up
11-07-2006, 02:28 PM
#1
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Missouri
Posts: 1,429
Okay, Deer camp is coming up
I need new material for lights out! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! At lights out of Deer season eve the jokes always start up and go for at least an hour. Well, I haven't heard any good ones lately. I don't want to be the old geezer who tells the same jokes as last year, so help me out.
11-07-2006, 02:35 PM
#2
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location:
Posts: 1,572
RE: Okay, Deer camp is coming up
ORIGINAL: ShatoDavis
I need new material for lights out! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! At lights out of Deer season eve the jokes always start up and go for at least an hour. Well, I haven't heard any good ones lately. I don't want to be the old geezer who tells the same jokes as last year, so help me out.
I need new material for lights out! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! At lights out of Deer season eve the jokes always start up and go for at least an hour. Well, I haven't heard any good ones lately. I don't want to be the old geezer who tells the same jokes as last year, so help me out.
[blockquote]
A 110-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
"I've never felt better," he replies. I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season but one day he's in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver, squeezes the handle, and BAM! the beaver drops dead in front of him."
That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot that beaver!"
"Exactly", said the doctor.
[/blockquote]
"I've never felt better," he replies. I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season but one day he's in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver, squeezes the handle, and BAM! the beaver drops dead in front of him."
That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot that beaver!"
"Exactly", said the doctor.
11-07-2006, 02:35 PM
#3
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location:
Posts: 1,572
RE: Okay, Deer camp is coming up
Mumba Snake
[blockquote]
[blockquote]
A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up." "What happened?" he asked.
"Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck."
"Go on," the friend said.
"Well, I sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end, and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes."
"So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.
"Did you ever *goose* a tiger?"
[/blockquote]
"Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck."
"Go on," the friend said.
"Well, I sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end, and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes."
"So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.
"Did you ever *goose* a tiger?"
11-07-2006, 02:37 PM
#5
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location:
Posts: 1,572
RE: Okay, Deer camp is coming up
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
When he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"
Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really tried!! When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said - 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?', I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
When he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"
Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really tried!! When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said - 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?', I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
11-07-2006, 02:38 PM
#6
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location:
Posts: 1,572
RE: Okay, Deer camp is coming up
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.
Before long their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.
Before long their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself.
11-07-2006, 06:14 PM
#7
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: WV
Posts: 4,485
RE: Okay, Deer camp is coming up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1AeCsIKq8g
Another member posted this in another forum. I had to watch it a dozen times
The Best Penguin Joke Ever!
Another member posted this in another forum. I had to watch it a dozen times
The Best Penguin Joke Ever!
