Interesting post, bow-addict -- especially for me, since I've been an avid bowhunter for years and hold a master's in English with an emphasis in teaching rhetoric and composition. I also hold a bachelor's of science in journalism with an emphasis in writing news and editorial content, and was a copy editor for several years before being named editor of a newspaper in central Arkansas. My graduate degree was awarded with academic distinction (4.0 on a 4.0 scale), and I taught composition at our local university for four years before moving on to pursue my own entrepreneurial ambitions. My master's thesis was a collection of short stories about my hunting and fishing experiences while growing up.
I say all that just to let you know I do know that of which I speak, and I wish to softly rebut a couple of IrishLad's statements, while simultaneously expounding on the points you inquire about regarding your essay. Hopefully, this will answer some of your questions, and feel free to print this out if it will help.
First of all, IrishLad's "pointers" reflect the erroneous misgivings gathered under the tutelage of many an old-time traditional "English teacher" who knows nothing of truly teaching composition. (It's a slam on the teacher, IrishLad, not you.
) In short, those teachers from yesteryear -- or that era's mentality -- believe all writing should be graded by how many grammatical mistakes can be found in a given piece of writing. They're clearly not grading content, or if the author was able to effectively reach his or her audience and make them "see" his world.
Effective writers are often rule-breakers; yet, there are really no hard-and-fast rules you've broken here, bow-addict. The "sentence fragment" noted above is undeniably
not one. You absolutely used the colon properly, and should be recognized for having the courage to integrate it into your essay. (Most college essayists aren't capable enough, or won't attempt it.) According to my Instructor's Edition of the
The Little Brown Handbook, Sixth Edition, the first reason listed for using a colon is to "introduce a concluding explanation..." (e.g., my deer stand), and is "
always preceded by a main clause." For those for whom a visual example would be better, let me give one provided by the handbook itself: "Soul food has one dissadvantage: fat."
As a quick aside, a semicolon is a useful punctuation tool used to keep from committing the grammatical crime known as a
comma splice, e.g., "I'm not trying to insult your intellect or massively crtique [sic] your essay, it was cool." Replacing the "," with a ";" would separate the two main clauses in this construction, thus yielding a correctly structured sentence, since a comma cannot separate main clauses unless they are linked by a coordinating conjunction. IrishLad is correct though in his information on properly using ellipses marks.
Enough of that, though. Rob is, of course, absolutely right in his answer which should have been given by the girl. And in no instance should an instructor's personal biases be allowed to govern or dictate his grading methodologies. Having said that, we are fully aware of the fact that the American university is one of the last bastions for communism in the world, and many a liberal will attempt to use the classroom podium as his bully pulpit from which to espouse his political ideologies. (On second thought, you may
not want to print this out and let your instructor read it. <img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>)
While there is a smattering of grammatical mistakes in your paper, if it were turned in by one of my students -- graded wholly on the writer's ability, not subject matter -- I would probably assign it anywhere from an 87 to a 91. Of course that grade is recited without knowing any criteria given beforehand with which the grade would be measured against; in other words, was it of adequate length? (It seemed a bit short in this BBS format.) Were there specific skill sets being looked for within this writing assignment? And there may be other criteria being looked for as well.
Overall though, your usage of similes and metaphors contribute to paint a nice picture for the reader. I as the reader would want to know how putting all those hours in as waiting time has transformed you into a better person. Why is that? And, what happened to the deer you introduced to your reader? You left us hanging a bit there.
Your sentence, "But wait!" seems to introduce us to a moment when something startling or surprising is about to be revealed. I would question whether the serenity of a sunrise is indeed a startling revelation, or more of a softer experience which seems to envelope us with its subtleness.
Overall though, this has the basis to be a very good piece. If your instructor believes in the revision method of writing (which basically means that most pieces need to be revised or developed several times before they are perfected, both from the reader's and the author's point of view), you've certainly got a great starting point. If this piece is to be accepted as in its final state, you've got academically a B+ paper. More importantly, though, you've been able to verbalize and capture one of the key elements of why hunting is important to you as a person. No matter the end of the story in your writing class, don't let this be the end of your writing.
Discipline -- not desire -- determines destiny.