RE: Am I lying to myself?
well, I had typed you a great explaination about what you are experiencing, but I am doing this on my smartphone laid up in bed after a surgical procedure on my back today, and on pain pills. This recovery bed isn't real comfortable .... and somehow I lost my long wonderful reply, so I will say for now .... no, you are not lying to yourself...... and I will elaborate tomorrow after I get home to my laptop.