[bitter sarcasm]

You got it all wrong. This is an opportunity. Who needs shotguns, rifles, or bows? These are not the tools of a real sportsman. Frankly, I do not consider it a fair hunt unless it' s just the deer, me, and my trusty spork. Hey, anyone can put a broadhead through vitals on a whitetail at 75 yards, and frankly having dangerous weapons like that are just overkill. But try sneaking up on a deer with a Winchester Model 70 Sporkmaster, and you will know what it really feels like to be a hunter.

Of course, it has been discussed whether to pass legislation banning sporks, on the grounds that sporking a deer is also overkill, and children are dying every day to spork related injuries. If this legislation is passed, hunters will be limited to the implements of tickle torture, Irish limericks, and romantic comedies starring either Hugh Grant or Tom Hanks. We must rally against this legislation, because if they outlaw sporks, then only outlaws will have sporks!

[/bitter sarcasm]