RE: Good Deer Hunting Reference Book?
First off welcome to the board and the sport of hunting. I would say you' ve found one resource all ready and thats here. You have at your key board many experienced and avid hunters who can probably answer any specific question you need to know about deer hunting or hunting in general. Books, mags and videos are other sources. I would think if you haven' t taken a hunter safety course that maybe an excellent starting point or join a sportsman club for some local support. Although a real good way and would help with the family relations, is talk with your new father in law. If he has asked you knowing you have no experience, than he doesn' t mind teaching...so just ask him!!!
As to caliber that is personal..for WT deer 243 up. I would say 270, 3006, 308 are pretty standard, with minimal recoil (or Kick) and will get the job done.
Good luck and enjoy!