1:00AM-Alarm clock rings
2:00AM-Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:15AM-Throw everything except kitchen sink in the pickup
3:00AM-Leave for the deep woods
3:15AM-Drive back home and pick up gun
3:30AM-Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:00AM-Set up camp-forgot damn tent
4:30AM-Head into woods
6:05AM-See 3 deer
6:06AM-Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07AM-"Click"
6:08AM-Load gun while watching deer go over hill
8:00AM-Head back to camp
9:00AM-Still looking for camp
10:00AM-Realize you don't know where camp is
NOON-Fire gun for help-eat wild berries
12:15PM-Run out of berries, 3 deer come back
12:20PM-Strange feeling in stomach
12:30PM-Realize you ate poison berries
12:45PM-Rescued
12:55PM-Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00PM-Arrive back at camp
3:30PM-Leave camp to kill deer
4:00PM-Return to camp for bullets
4:01PM-Load gun-leave camp again
5:00PM-Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you
6:00PM-Arrive at camp, see deer grazing in camp
6:01PM-Load gun
6:02PM-Fire gun
6:03PM-One dead truck
6:05PM-Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer
6:06PM-Repress strong desire to shoot partner
6:07PM-Fall into fire
6:10PM-Change clothes, throw burned ones in fire
6:15PM-Take pickup and leave partner and his deer in woods
6:25PM-Pickup boils over-hole shot in block
6:26PM-Start walking
6:30PM-Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35PM-Meet bear
6:36PM-Take aim
6:37PM-Fire gun, blows up, barrel plugged with mud
6:38PM-**** in pants
6:39PM-Climb tree
9:00PM-Bear departs, wrap gun around tree
MIDNIGHT-HOME AT LAST
SUNDAY-Watch football game on TV slowly tearing hunting license
into little pieces, place in envelope, and mail to game
warden with very clear instructions on where to place it