Hunting partner - what to do
 

Just some background first. This is my 3rd year hunting. My folks purchased about 40 acres so I started and have really enjoyed it so far

I have a friend who has been hunting a long time that I have taking out a good bit over 3 year, whitetail and turkey. He has taught me some good things and appreciate it, however here is a list of things that has been bothering me and its not enjoyable hunting with him because of
1. He took probably one of the better spots on land and would probably get mad if asked him to sit at another spot
2. We found a nice stand from previous owner, he took the stand to his other land and never asked
3. I had a nice buck on trail camera so he set a camera up and wants to keep throwing out bait
4. He wants to put a food plot out next year ( but near his stand)
5. He keeps asking to go up to land without me
6. Turkey hunting, he will not let me do any calling, because I suck right, and he is great
7. I had a chance to shoot a nice gobbler, but he wanted to try to call in 2 at a time to both shoot

We got into last week and he is mad, but I believe it would probably be better just to cut ties now. I don't want to lose as friend because we have been friends long time. Anyway just wanted to vent and get some thoughts

Thanks

You own the land... Or your parents do.... But you're managing it. Man up and manage it.

If he wants a place to hunt he'll follow your rules. Otherwise he can pack up and head out.

-Jake

Thanks Jake, will do. Like I said, mainly wanted to vent my frustration

I agree, he is NOT being a friend period
getting access to private land is a privilege, NOT a right
and he should be thankful and respectful to ANY wish or request you have for him, if not,
tell him go find some place else to hunt
odds are this will change his mind, or NOT, either way
, you should not be tolerating this behavior from him,

as for calling turkeys, it IS a skill, and you get it by DOING IT< so NOT letting you call, is NOT helping you in the big picture
so, I would part ways with hunting with him on them period, unless your only goal is shooting and NOT HUNTING them yourself!

and STEALING a stand without permission is just that stealing?
that sort of shows the person character to me? and NOT a good one!

Appreciate the response mrbb. I have spoking to a few other friends who have took him and they also though he was the worst person to hunt with

Thanks for the tip on Turkeys as well, that's what I was thinking.

Time to find a new hunting partner. He is using you and stealing from you in the process. Cut and run before it gets worse and he starts hunting on his own and brings his buddies. Also if the property is not posted do so immediately and require written permission to hunt.

I agree, you don't have a friend, you have a leach! A friend wouldn't just assume he can do what he wants to do on your parents land, that is not how a friend acts. Cut your losses now. I suspect you will find a new friend who will really be a friend because he cares about you and not what you can give him. Give him his walking papers on hunting the land, tell him it isn't working out for you,then you will find out how much of a friend he is. While you are at it, tell him to bring back the stand he stole off your property and in good condition. The longer you tolerate him, the worse he will get.

Pretty much what everybody above said. Your house, your rules. He doesn't have to like your rules but he does have to follow them. If not, time for him to leave. What kind of turkey call are you using. I've found that I have a great weakness for box calls. :biggrin:

Thanks for everyone reply, I agree with all

Yes, I have been using a box call and think I was doing just fine, I get calls back. Its just he believes to be best at everything :)

So you were OK with all that when you needed his help?

Did you ever hunt his land with him in his hunting spots before you got your own?

We're only getting one side of the story here. But if the story is accurate: there is no justification for that behavior, period.

Stealing a stand is stealing a stand. Whether somebody needed or got help or not.

-Jake

Actually it would appear he didn't need his fair weather friends help, his so-called friend needed him. The guy is a puke and a user, the OP doesn't need him.

So what happened?

I can see where you are coming from. However I never asked for his help, I just mentioned that I have learned from him some, but this is because he always wanted to tag along.

What finally set me off about this, which I forget to mention earlier. We were bow hunting and so our stands are about 80yds off. He texted me not to rattle, but I could hear him rattling. Like I said before, I had a very nice buck on camera which is why I think he told me

likeI stated before, you DON"T need him telling you what to do on your land(be it your parents or< its NOT his)

be different if he was explaining WHY you shouldn;t do something , as in TEACHING you, but just because he doesn;t want you to do something, is just wrong and NOT very nice, nor helping you at all, he is trying to fill HIS tags and NOT your's


I doubt you had to twist his arm to teach you anything, odds are he volunteered his help
so, you DON"T own him anything, you already gave him LOST of access to land, he apparently doesn;'t appreciate!

I would sit him down and explain your side, and see what he says,m if he gets upset, tell him, GOODBYE< you don;t need his help anymore, nor his company hunting your land, and he should go else where in the future!

doesn;t have to be mean or nasty, just be honest!

Well I had somebody I'd had enough of one time. I just told him "We're done. Thats it. Good luck, but don't call me. Don't come over. Don't give me nothing and don't ask for nothing."

Anything less than blunt straight out plain spoken and they are always wondering what they did (I don't care, we ARE DONE). They want to patch it up (I don't want it and I don't have any of what you want for you). Call... blah blah blah worse than a jilted girlfriend.

The way I read/remember it, didn't sound like any stealing. Him and his friend found a stand some trespasser gave away. His ex friend put it in his own car when they left and I didn't hear any declarations the OP cared or wanted to keep it. Probably let his ex friend carry it all the way out of the woods, put it in his car and take it home. Now he is practicing his break up lines on the internet he wishes HE had it.

Sounds like it is time to limit who gets to hunt your land. The 2 turkey thing would have done it for me. No I in team and he is all about himself. Getting and keeping a good like minded hunting partner is often difficult. I had a good one but he became "ethically challenged" and I couldn't spend any time with him after that.

Yep, time to move on. IF you would invite someone else on to this property, have a set of rules in mind and explain them before that person hunts and make sure they agree to abide by them. I've been lucky to have a good small group to hunt with over the years. Usually they even know where all my stands are, but I may not tell them exactly where I saw that big buck;)

Everybody here is right. Friends don't walk all over, and use each other. So I guess technically, it would be wrong to wait until he puts the food plot in next spring to run him off.

Good luck this season either way it goes!

I can agree with your mention of 'being blunt' with him. Probably the best option

And the stand issue is not really what its about, I have plenty of those. It was just one of many disrespectful things. I don't see it as stealing because I was there and did not say anything

Sounds to me that he isn't into hunting but killing and him killing is all that matters. That's not a hunting friend. I've had one like that, actually came as a friend of a friend. He always got mad if someone else shot a deer, would grab the first decent spot when we scouted, then get mad if we later found a better spot and he already had hung his stand. We actually discussed going on an outfitted WT hunt once, with bows, the place had a 125 pt minimum. End result was we didn't go, one reason was he stated he was shooting whatever he wanted an would gladly pay the fine.

I actually bowed out since he was related to my friend (who WAS a good hunting partner), and figured friend vs family is not a good decision to put him in.

This brings to mind an old saying. Beggars cannot be choosers. Its your land. You should get the best spot or it should be your choice. I hunt on a friends property and I always offer him to hunt a spot before I chose it. I am the beggar and know my place. We never have any issues and share costs on all the hunting improvements we do food plot, stands, cams, etc. and share everything. I think your friend is not being a very good friend.

I have a 40-acre piece of hunting land (two actually, and another 20) that I hunt. I bring friends, or my kids, but we always hunt together. When my friend hunts, we agree up front to either divide the quarry by region, or one of us gets the right of first refusal. We never separate except on the rare instance where I'm trying to drive game to him. Kids always get first rights.

This guy sounds like a slug. As a fairly new hunter myself, I can appreciate your desire to have a mentor, but a true mentor would go with you to help YOU hunt, not get himself some goodies. Even after only six years of hunting, I'm personally more than happy to let my guest shoot - its fun either way.

If you lived up here, I'd say let's get together and be inexperienced as a team!

I agree with the others that he's not treating you like a friend should.
I do think there are a couple of things you might consider though.
If you are going to cut him off this year that might be a little harsh. I can imagine having my license bought, my plans made and my hopes up only to be told I can not hunt - almost at the last minute.
That would be a crushing blow and may make him vindictive.
If you two already have your plans made it might make his selfishness a little more tolerable if you know this is his last hunt with you and you tell him AFTER this hunt that next year he won't get to go.
Another thing that comes to mind is the deer plot.
If he has a tractor, plow and disc or tiller and is willing to use it on the plot, that is not a thing to be taken for granted.
If that is the case you might tell him he can hunt if he does the plot but you two are going to swap stand locations. And mean it!
If he has no equipment it's a different story.
Ultimately it is all about standing up for yourself which reading between the lines it doesn't sound like you've done enough of with him.

Good grief man, a little harsh!! The guy should be told post haste to gather up his gear and hit the road. Why would you worry about being harsh to an a-hole like his so called friend?. The best way to remove a thorn is quickly. What is with this woosey poosey don't hurt his feeling crap I am seeing here. You cannot stand up for yourself and be a wuss! Who cares if the clown has made plans, he can make different plans, especially since his plans do not include the guy who owns the property, all he does is order him around on his own land. Dump him now and quickly! I am still waiting to see if the OP has made a decision yet.

I agree it isn't like you are making it so he can't hunt. Lots of people do very well hunting on their own land....land that their taxes pay for. In other words federal or state land. Plenty of it if someone is willing to do a little work.

Yea he has other places to hunt, so not cutting him off. And I do have access to equipment for a plot, so not worried with that either

I actually spoke to him last weekend a little, as he was bugging me about checking his camera. I told him then that I was going to hunt alone during muzzleloader, which is usually best for rut here, and I wanted a chance to harvest the nice buck. And that we could both go back 'sometime' during rifle. He was pissy, so haven't really spoke to him since. I should see him in person soon, I plan on discussing then rather than texting

He has some other hunting spots so not worried with that. Also I have access to equipment for plot

I did speak with him last weekend and stated I wanted to hunt muzzleloader alone, as that is best time to harvest the buck I am looking for. Even stated we could both go back during rifle. He was pissy so have not really spoke since. I should see him soon and talk to in person rather than text about all this. I am not worried about it anymore, everyone has helped me make my choice. If he does come back its my way or highway
Thanks!

Don't back down, remember you have been getting the shaft from him. He is not your friend, he is a user.

What the OP did not and probably can not tell us is to what extent their friendship intertwines with other aspects of their lives.
Maybe they work together, bowl on the same team, restore motorcycles together. Coach Little League, go to games, play golf or chase skirts together. We only know about the unfairness his friend has shown in the hunting aspect of their lives.
Friendships are not always easy.
My own hunting buddy has always been stingy.
I own the land. Pay the taxes, own the camper we use, even pay the electric power we use.
He will usually cough up the $ if I ask him to buy a tank of propane but he won't do it unless I ask. He is Not a generous man and I have always spent more than he to go hunting with him.
And yet, tomorrow when we go up for the opener it will begin our 21st year of deer hunting together.
Some here may ask, "Why put up with the stingy SOB? Kick him out!"
I put up with his ways because I Like the man.
Every year we have a great time hunting.
We have a lot of fun stories to share of missed shots or great shots made or him gutting my deer when I was on crutches, or his forgetting his blaze orange at home. Or when he slipped and fell face first into the gut pile...
I hunt with him because I trust him absolutely when we are afield. That is hard to find.
Because though I have several friends, he's the only hunter amongst them.
Mostly though I still hunt with him because I've learned that it's better to have an imperfect friend than a perfect enemy. And hasty, hot headed rejections of someone are a good way to make an enemy.
Go ahead and criticize me for these thoughts. Call me a patsy.
Tell me my friend is just using me. That I'm a fool or weak, or worse...
I just know that often it takes strength and patience to be a friend.
And a friend is worth much more than money, or the best stand, or having to wait for a twofer on the turkeys - which Would have made a good story to tell.

Ultra makes a good point.

And there are sometimes concessions that have to be made for a relationship that we care about having.

I didn't see any sign of that type of relationship in the OPs post.

There was no "I really want this to work out" tone to it.

-Jake

You should always listen to the other side of the story (perspective) with an open mind. You never know when your are doing stupid things yourself and not realizing it.

A good example is sometimes it only takes one thing that annoys us and we start getting really annoyed with everything somebody does but really its just that one thing and it just keeps building because we never addressed that one thing.

Like for example he keeps a stand you think he shouldn't have and next thing you know your mad because he wants to try to get a double while turkey hunting.

Obviously the picture you have painted here makes your friend look to be in the wrong and he probably is but it is wise IMO to hear the other perspective with an open mind, sit on it for a day or so then make a rational decision.

Rockport, the original post does not sound like the writings of someone who made a spur of the moment decision. It sounds like this has been going on for a while, he's had plenty of time to think about it, and has finally (more or less) made up his mind and is simply boiling over about it on this forum.

Nobody doubts the wisdom of having an open mind in such situations, but I suspect he's already been through that stage many times. There's a point at which "being open-minded and reasonable" evolves into "being a sucker who puts up with abuse indefinitely".

I get the sense that the op just quietly let it build and build and come to a head. All I'm suggesting is bring it all up and listen to the other perspective before making a decision and I'll add he probably should have done that a long time ago.

I'm far from suggesting being "a sucker who puts up with abuse indefinitely". I simply think that for yourself you should always listen to the other side, think on it for a day or so, then make the call with no regrets knowing that you did your part.

Its not completely about who the other guy is or for him, its about who you are and how you do things.....Then if you feel the same kick his butt straight to the curb with no regrets. If nothing else its good practice for not letting things go there in the future and learning how to deal with conflict soon and rationally next time.

Also the original post is only giving you one perspective and I don't know about you but Ive been around the block enough times to know how that can be extremely misleading.

Ive been on the other side of that.

It can be misleading to us, receiving it all second hand, but not for the OP. The common "listen to what the other person has to say" is IMHO overrated. Most people tell you more about them through their actions than their words. The OP has plenty of information based on the other person's actions. It has also been well pointed out that since the OP owns the land, burden of persuasion lies entirely with the other party. In other words, the OP doesn't have the burden of being fair or reasonable - the other person does. Failure to meet that burden is more than sufficient for the OP to dispatch his "friend".

Whatever works for you but like I said I wouldn't do that for him, I'd do it for me. Self evaluation is almost non existent in this country today so I'm not surprised if most disagree.

I learned this coaching select youth athletes. You must be able to self evaluate, hear conflicting perspectives, and take the time to make sure you are right before making final decisions and its worked very well for me and trust me I'm not soft. It makes you rational not soft.

Its not about who this guy is and what he has done, its about who I am and how I do things.

This is a good point. I am not sure what it finally was that I got annoyed with, I don't think it was the stand. you are correct that everything now would just annoy me because I am already fed up. With that being said I think I should just stick with hunting without. I have put to much time into it to not have a good time

HuntingVA, you don't owe him or anybody else a reason for deciding not to hunt with him anymore. Ok, so perhaps you've been browbeaten so much that you've taken an irrational view of everything he now does. I say "so what?" He earned this perspective - it is not your duty to give him second-chances until the crack of doom. Nor is it an indicator that you've been "damaged" by this incident.

Dump him....

Though I wouldn't want to argue with him face to face if he is toting a weapon of some sort.

Some hunters can get awfully greedy...like wanting to have the best hunting spot all of the time, to a point where it gets to be a fixation with them. Then they'll claim it as their own territory, even though they don't even own it, and consider it as an affront if you trespass into "their" hunting honey hole.