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A Story
A lttle while back, i posted a story that i ahd written, about a day in the field. it was a fictional story, but none the less, i wrote it, and it has always been a big dream of mine to become an outdoor writer. Now I already know that there isnt a big field in this kind of writing, but still, I love to hunt and fish, so why not write about it?!
Anyway, like I was saying, I posted a story on here, and asked for some feedback. Does anyone remember the story? If not, I am going to repost it, and hopefully, I can get some feedback, because I dont want to try and do something that I am not good at, and the best people I can think that would know a good hunting story, would be hunters themselves, so please let me know what ya REALLY think! (I know it looks long, but it is a short story, please read it) It was as if madness or obsession had come over me. Suddenly I had nothing but killing on my brain. The time had finally come, it was opening day of the archery season. I waited all year for this day, and I was stoked! I woke up an extra hour early, to make sure that I had everything that I needed. All my gear was neatly arranged in the corner by the door, and the truck was warming up. The weather report said that it would be very chilly for a September day, but it wasn’t going to be too bad. I knew that it was a perfect day for hunting. The 30 minute drive to my land was just enough to get the sleep off of me, and when I arrived, the woods were still as calm as water. I gathered my gear and got out my maps. I had three prime locations to choose from. First one was to the north, it was an old box elder that had been blown over between two ridges, to create not only a perfect obstacle to steer passing deer in my direction, but also as a blind. The second was perched in a tree, about 16 feet up, overlooking a shallow spot in the creek where four trails connected, and the third was a hike. I stumbled upon this stand location while tracking a low hit doe in the years before. It was an old apple orchard that had been abandoned because of the rising creek water in the spring. Now it served as prime land for whitetail. The trees still sprouted buds and produced enough apples to keep the deer happy, but was a total wetland in the spring. I have been hunting this area the 10 years that I have owned this piece, and there are reasons why. First off, there is the 20 minute ride in the truck to the trail, then another 30 to 40 minute walk to the stand site. In order to even hunt this spot, you must have a climber, and be a damn good shot. You only have room for about a 15 yard shot, and that’s with having only three shooting lanes, and 20 feet in the air. Plus, you are at least 1 hour from another man. With all that information about how tough the spot is, then you should know that this is almost deer heaven. As I turned back outside the truck, the cool morning air was turning colder, and for some reason, something told me to get moving. I grabbed my stuff, and headed out. Along the walk, a lot of things play games with a mans head, especially in the dark. Every twig I heard snap, every bird I heard leaving its roost, sent my heart into over drive and it felt as though it could beat right out of my chest. I could hear the distant frogs from the creek and the hoot of howls, and the yipping of coyotes in the hills. It was a very peaceful, yet scarey journey. I reached my honey-hole with plenty of time to get set up right for the wind, and it seemed as though the cold weather was picking up. Since the time I awoke until now, the temperature had been dropping. The air was cold and the clouds looked like they were full and about to burst. It didn’t bother me. I was wrapped in a cocoon of warmth, and had no worries about the weather. I wrestled the climber onto the tree and made my way. As I reached the height I was comfortable with, about 18 feet, I cautiously pulled my pack and bow up to me. I nestled in and got everything setup, now waiting for the first splinter of the rising sun. As I sat there, time seemed to move slow and steady. The forest was starting to wake up, and the birds were chirping. As the sun rose, and light filled the dark woods, I couldn’t help but think about the day ahead of me. My mind and body were filled with anxiety, and aching for that first glimpse of a deer. I was blessed with the love to hunt and the obsession to keep doing so. Daylight was well upon me now, about 7 o’clock, and it was cold. It could only be about 35 degrees, and it was spitting snow on and off. I watched as the woods seemed to fill up with wildlife. The squirrels were busy finding food, and chasing each other up and down the trees. They sounded as if they were fighting to the death when they would come crashing through the crisp leaves. A group of turkeys moved through and gave me a start! All the commotion they made sounded as if a herd of deer was coming my way. This is the one of the better parts of bow hunting. Being able to see all of natures beauty in its own natural movements. Then suddenly something snapped me out of the realm of day dreaming and brought me back to reality, kicking and screaming. There was a loud crack behind me. I froze almost instantly, and waited for the quiet to come, then there it was again, only this time it was louder and moving closer. As my heart started to beat faster and faster, sending body shaking thumps through me, I slowly turned towards the noise. Eyes frantically trying to catch something moving, I noticed a small bush about 35 yards out moving ever so gently. I paused and as if I was trying to look completely through the bush, I could see the faintness of an ear twitching. I reached for my bow, not knowing what was going to come out from behind the shrub. As I sat there watching, waiting, my I was telling myself to calm down, to relax. Just then, it happened. The object I was so patiently waiting for, stepped out from behind the bush, and my stomach sank. There standing well within bow range, was a gig doe. She was chewing rapidly, and acting as though thee was something that she was supposed to be doing. Her tail was flicking wildly, and she kept looking to her right side, back to the creek bed. I took a quick glance over and standing there was three more does that I could see. I relaxed and let up on the bow, and as I eased myself back into a comfortable position, my heart was still racing. I watched the four does parade around the orchards, picking up food and frolicking with each other, with not a care in the world. They hung around me for what seemed like hours, then they disappeared into the thickets. The weather was picking up now, and I thought that for the first time ever, there might be a snowy opening weekend. My body was starting to feel the effects of sitting still and stiff, along with the cold, and I decided to have a cup of coffee, and stretch a bit. It got to be around 9 o’clock before I seen another deer. This time it was a respectable 7 pointer. He walked right to me, then turned to take a quick bite before heading back to the creek bottom. Excitement is what keeps a man on the stand, is what I have always thought. That is why I put so much time in fine tuning the best spot that I have to hunt. As the day grew longer, and the deer sightings dropped off, I was watching the edges where the orchards met the swamp, and something caught my eye. It was a little sparkle, a mere glimmer of light that had reflected off of something. I grabbed my binoculars, and scoped the terrain. There he was, the buck I was hoping to see! About 65 yards off, I could see the massive tines shooting splinters of bark from a sapling. His head was gigantic, and his body was that of a horse. I couldn’t count the tines, but I knew they had to be big. He was along ways off, and wasn’t following the trails, he was just meandering about, so he could take any direction he wanted to go. I knew that I would have to pull out all the stops on this one to be able to even get a closer look. Through all the years that I have hunted, all the magazines and articles that I have read, and all the tips and tricks one thinks he knows, nothing prepares you for this. The time that you are face to face with what you want, knowing that it is going to take all you have to get it. I quietly picked up the grunt tube and made a few soft, slow grunts. No response. Then I made few more, this time a little longer and louder. Still, no response. I thought for sure that this buck was never going to get the message, so I pulled out the rattles and gave just a few clicks together, and the giant shot his head up. He stretched his neck out so far, it was as if it were just floating there. I gave a couple more clicks, and this really got his curiosity going. He wasn’t a dumb buck though, he didn’t walk right to the noise or charge in for a fight, he waited and watched. Looking for any sign of danger or the source of the noise. To him this meant one thing; a fight for new territory for the upcoming breeding season. I managed to keep it together the whole 15 minutes he stood there, just looking.. I picked the grunt tube up again, this time giving three hard blasts. The buck had heard enough, and now decided to move. With his head cocked down, and his chest pumped up, he headed towards me. Ever so gracefully, with each step he took, my heart skipped beats. He stopped at around 40 yards, and continued to gaze in my direction, never taking his eyes off the grounds level. “He don’t know I’m hear” I told myself. I watched as he took his time coming across the clearing, I knew he would reach my shooting lane soon, so I tried to gather my composer for the up coming shot. As I slowly started to stand, my bow in hand, he noticed something he didn’t like, and started off the other direction. I had a shooting lane over there too, but it was no where as good of shot as here. I slowly reached for the tube again and gave a quick two snort combo. The buck wheeled around, and stopped, just inside the thicket. I could finally see his horns, and that was the prettiest thing I have ever seen! Six points on the left, with one drop tine, and another seven points on the other side, with at least a 30 inch spread. It was the biggest deer I have seen on this property, and I knew he wasn’t just another buck. His coat was almost black, and his face was stubbed and grey. As he stood their, all that I could was freeze. I wanted nothing to interfere with me and my trophy. While he stood in the thick spot, I examined my chance. If he was to keep on the same path in which he is facing and come to the calls, then he will be well within 20 yards of my stand, and that should also offer a good shot. That was my only chance at him, for if he were to turn around again, the opportunity would pass me by. It was as if he knew I was thinking about him, because just then, he started on the move. He picked up his heavy racked head and pranced out of the thicket, he was headed straight to me. At about 25 yards, he turned slightly, just enough to reveal his vitals, and to give me the chance to draw on him. When I pulled the bow up, and began gracefully pulling the string, the bow felt like air, like it was a part of my body. The draw back was clean, and smooth. I didn’t even have to find my sitting point, everything was right on line with each other. I found the pin through the peep sight, and placed it right behind the left shoulder. I gave a slight whistle, and the giant stopped. The sound of a thin piece of carbon shaft, a four bladed broad head and then a sharp, distinctive smack, suddenly broke the heavy block on my concentration. The massive animal bucked his back feet hard against his stomach, and then disappeared in a cloud of snow and mud. I watched as the beast ran into the thicket, then about five minutes later, popped out the other side towards the timbers. He was just walking! Stepping about as if nothing had occurred. “How did I miss”! was the only question running through my mind. I stood there watching him, as he headed down to the dark timbers of his home, it was as if he was trying to break my spirits, to let me know that I had missed. He was gone within the dark woods, but I still couldn’t believe that I missed. It was only a 18 to 20 yard shot, broadside. I know that the bow is on and that the shot felt perfect, there was no way. I waited another half hour before getting down from my perch. I gathered my equipment and headed to the where I had shot, to find my arrow. I looked, and looked again for that arrow, but could find nothing. I decided to take the route the buck did, just in case it was a low hit, and as soon as I got to the thickets, I found the arrow. It was covered in blood and meat. I followed a thick blood trail all the way until I got to the opening before the woods, where I last seen the buck. Here, I found puddles of pinkish blood, I knew that he wasn’t far. That is a sure sign of a lung hit deer. I made my way about 10 yards into the forest and there he was, piled up on an old log. I couldn’t handle it, and I ran to him, grabbing his massive tines. Just as I counted before, a damn good 11 pointer. My excitement was out of control! This was what it was all about, this is why my love for hunting grows more and more throughout the years. As I stood over this monster, I thought about how proud I felt to have taken such an animal, and the honor behind going head to head with the smartest animal in Wisconsin.  |
RE: A Story
One of the first things a writer needs to learn is the use of paragraph's.;)
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RE: A Story
it was all paragraphed out and spaced correctly, but when i paste and copied from MSW, it showed up like that...sry
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RE: A Story
but instead of picking out the writers errors, i was asking for what people thought of the story? i can add and change things as i go but, i want a critique on what my story is like: please respond!
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RE: A Story
 I always thought that the smartest animal in wisconsin was "stone cold" Steve austin?or is he in minnesota??? |
RE: A Story
seemed to be well thought out and flowed pretty well, but just one question.in the middle of the storyyou said this:
Six points on the left, with one drop tine, and another seven points on the other side Just as I counted before, a damn good 11 pointer |
RE: A Story
thank u, no i didnt pick upon that, thank you, i will change it
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RE: A Story
but instead of picking out the writers errors, i was asking for what people thought of the story? i can add and change things as i go but, i want a critique on what my story is like: please respond! Clean up your grammatical mistakes....and I'll give it an honest read/critique. NOBODY likes to fight through a story to understand it....and proper grammar can make OR break a good story. It's true in written AND spoken word. |
RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: GMMAT but instead of picking out the writers errors, i was asking for what people thought of the story? i can add and change things as i go but, i want a critique on what my story is like: please respond! Clean up your grammatical mistakes....and I'll give it an honest read/critique. NOBODY likes to fight through a story to understand it....and proper grammar can make OR break a good story. It's true in written AND spoken word. |
RE: A Story
I agree with Jeff. GRAMMER MATTERS! I won't struggle through it. It is not a well written story if it has a lot of grammatical errors. So, you're not good at writing. I can't tell you if you are a good story teller, I can tell you that IMHO you are NOT a good writer. Sorry about being so blunt but you want opinions, theres mine!
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RE: A Story
I see you just joined recently so you probably haven't had the pleasure to read the stories of my favorite poster ... Antler Eater. Do a search and read his tales.They'll inspire you to be a good writer if that's your dream.
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RE: A Story
Also remember, writing is a process. The stories you see in magazines, etc. are done by people who often have literary degrees and have the help of a large editorial staff. Their stories are likely reworked and reworded a dozen times before it gets considered to be put into the magazine. Why do think there is a such a delay with stories in mags? Someone writes about their September elk trip to Colorado, but we don't read about it until January - editing.
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RE: A Story
Most outdoor writers I've read and hunting stories as well were not fictional. Is there a market for that? I'm just saying most want to read true hunts and real hunting information. You should definitely take some college level composition courses or classes, as far as the grammatical stuff you should be capable of working that out right now assuming youwent toschool andattended yourEnglish classes. Anyway, good luck.
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RE: A Story
As someone who initially pursued the same career you are considering to the point of getting my undergraduate degree in journalism with a minor in wildlife and fisheries science I think I can give you some insight that will help you. At least I hope I can.
As the others have said, clean up your grammar and spelling errors. I won't belabor that point. Now, let's talk about your content. The story is good and flows well, but there are some things you can improve upon. You know what you want to say, but you are not conveying what you are feeling to the reader. You tell the reader what you are feeling. In a story you want to put the reader in your place, not report to them what happened. You want the reader to feel your excitement, your frustration, your desire, etc. It's all about the details. For example, you talk about how the temperature is dipping and you got cold so you got some coffee. Not bad, but if you really want the reader to feel how you felt write something like this: "As the hours past and the mercury fell my fingers could no longer detect the tips of my gloves. I clenched and opened my hands to get the blood flowing, butby the time it reached my extremeties it had lost all of its warmth. The moisture condensing on my face mask caused a loss of sensation in my chin and nose. I could hear mychin whiskers scraping on the cloth of my mask, but could not feel its friction. After pouring some coffee the pin pricks in my finger tips let me know that the caffenated nectar was doing its job and was like a burst of warming sun flowing to my corewith each sip." You have to pretend like you are the reader when you are writing so that you can give the reader all of the pieces he/she needs to live what you are writing in their mind. The best suggestion I could give on how to learn how to do this is to read some books by good writers. They will illustrate what I am talking about and are far better than I am at doing what I have described. |
RE: A Story
"As the hours past and the mercury fell my fingers could no longer detect the tips of my gloves. I clenched and opened my hands to get the blood flowing, butby the time it reached my extremeties it had lost all of its warmth. The moisture condensing on my face mask caused a loss of sensation in my chin and nose. I could hear mychin whiskers scraping on the cloth of my mask, but could not feel its friction. After pouring some coffee the pin pricks in my finger tips let me know that the caffenated nectar was doing its job and was like a burst of warming sun flowing to my corewith each sip." Tell me it was so cold your toes were aching....and I can relate. When you tell me your spit was freezing in the corner of your mouth....I can relate. Tell me that the thought of holding thatwarm coffeein your cup just made you feel better......whether you were drinking it or not.....and I can relate. I'm a good 'ol country boy hunter. "Core", "detect", "nectar", etc.....lose me REALLY quickly. Just my .02 |
RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: GMMAT "As the hours past and the mercury fell my fingers could no longer detect the tips of my gloves. I clenched and opened my hands to get the blood flowing, butby the time it reached my extremeties it had lost all of its warmth. The moisture condensing on my face mask caused a loss of sensation in my chin and nose. I could hear mychin whiskers scraping on the cloth of my mask, but could not feel its friction. After pouring some coffee the pin pricks in my finger tips let me know that the caffenated nectar was doing its job and was like a burst of warming sun flowing to my corewith each sip." Tell me it was so cold your toes were aching....and I can relate. When you tell me your spit was freezing in the corner of your mouth....I can relate. Tell me that the thought of holding thatwarm coffeein your cup just made you feel better......whether you were drinking it or not.....and I can relate. I'm a good 'ol country boy hunter. "Core", "detect", "nectar", etc.....lose me REALLY quickly. Just my .02  Admittedly I was pouring it on pretty thick there, but I wanted to show him that when writing a story, whether a short story or novel, SHOWING is more important than TELLING. Besides, I came up with that in about 30 seconds.;) |
RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: txjourneyman I agree with Jeff. GRAMMER MATTERS! THAT IS the best thing i've read here in a while! POW! |
RE: A Story
well im confused....
to be honest....im more of a down home writer...i want people to read what i write, that can go with the story, not need a dictionary or something to read it!!!! plus, adding fiction to a story is not something that is bad, alot of outdoor stories i have read are not the full truth, they embelish too.... also, if my grammer is sooo bad then how come MSW doesnt pick it up or any other editing system in which i have used....so unless your an english major or have an actual career in writing then, plz stick to waht u know...im not looking to get people "on my case" about my writing....also i have a webpage that has a couple of my writings and i have had no comments like the ones left here...and its sort of strange......cuz i host an english literary site that compliments every style of writing, and if you knew, there are alot of different styles of writng...and i dont see the "big grammer" mistakes...point them out |
RE: A Story
UMMM... why ask for opinions if you're just going to whine like a little girl when you don't like thereplies you askedfor. Your writing sucks. Theres an opinion for ya!
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RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: txjourneyman UMMM... why ask for opinions if you're just going to whine like a little girl when you don't like thereplies you askedfor. Your writing sucks. Theres an opinion for ya! |
RE: A Story
also, if my grammer is sooo bad then how come MSW doesnt pick it up or any other editing system in which i have used....so unless your an english major, or have an actual career in writing then, plz stick to waht u know...im not looking to get people "on my case" about my writing....also, i have a webpage that has a couple of my writings and i have had no comments like the ones left here...and its sort of strange......cuz i host an english literary site that compliments every style of writing, and if you knew, there are alot of different styles of writng...and i dont see the "big grammer" mistakes...point them out This took 5 seconds with a cut/paste in Microsoft word. |
RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: bowtechlove well im confused.... to be honest....im more of a down home writer...i want people to read what i write, that can go with the story, not need a dictionary or something to read it!!!! plus, adding fiction to a story is not something that is bad, alot of outdoor stories i have read are not the full truth, they embelish too.... also, if my grammer is sooo bad then how come MSW doesnt pick it up or any other editing system in which i have used....so unless your an english major or have an actual career in writing then, plz stick to waht u know...im not looking to get people "on my case" about my writing....also i have a webpage that has a couple of my writings and i have had no comments like the ones left here...and its sort of strange......cuz i host an english literary site that compliments every style of writing, and if you knew, there are alot of different styles of writng...and i dont see the "big grammer" mistakes...point them out It's like saying you want to be a carpenter, but you aren't good with tools. Grammar is a writer's tool and yours are pretty dull. Sorry to be so harsh. [:-] |
RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: bowtechlove well im confused.... to be honest....im more of a down home writer...i want people to read what i write, that can go with the story, not need a dictionary or something to read it!!!! plus, adding fiction to a story is not something that is bad, alot of outdoor stories i have read are not the full truth, they embelish too.... also, if my grammer is sooo bad then how come MSW doesnt pick it up or any other editing system in which i have used....so unless your an english major or have an actual career in writing then, plz stick to waht u know...im not looking to get people "on my case" about my writing....also i have a webpage that has a couple of my writings and i have had no comments like the ones left here...and its sort of strange......cuz i host an english literary site that compliments every style of writing, and if you knew, there are alot of different styles of writng...and i dont see the "big grammer" mistakes...point them out The first thing you need to learn is to take some constructive criticism if you hope to be a writer. I don't care where you are writing or who you write for, if you work in this professionthere will be someone there to tear apart your work and hand it back to you so you can do it all over again. That is the way it works. If you can't take it then you might as well look at another field. You asked for help and myself and others are trying to give it. Let go of your pride for a second and accept the criticism. It will only make you a better writer. |
RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: bowtechlove well im confused.... to be honest....im more of a down home writer...i want people to read what i write, that can go with the story, not need a dictionary or something to read it!!!! plus, adding fiction to a story is not something that is bad, alot of outdoor stories i have read are not the full truth, they embelish too.... also, if my grammer is sooo bad then how come MSW doesnt pick it up or any other editing system in which i have used....so unless your an english major or have an actual career in writing then, plz stick to waht u know...im not looking to get people "on my case" about my writing....also i have a webpage that has a couple of my writings and i have had no comments like the ones left here...and its sort of strange......cuz i host an english literary site that compliments every style of writing, and if you knew, there are alot of different styles of writng...and i dont see the "big grammer" mistakes...point them out Post a pic of that buck with the droptine and I'll like your story even more.;) |
RE: A Story
Okay then, for everyone that is reading this, when I am writing back in response or if I am just typing for this site, I am really not concerned with how i spell or even say thing's.
I am not trying to be "perfect" when I reply, that is why I dont usually use full words or capital leeters, it's called internet talk, abbreviations of words and/or sentences to make them shorter. I am sorry if that is too complicated for some. Also, I do take the critique's to heart and listen, I take the tips and tricks from the people who I believe are actually helping me. As for some other's, I fray away from them. I have no problem with having my work looked at or talked about, regardless if it is good or bad, I appreciate all the comments. And yes, I understand that things do need to be worked on and gone over a few times, in order to make it right. I am just saying that guy's that leave mean responses, not knowing that I know when I mispell words or ifstatements are out ofsync,I am just responding in as short of form as possible, and as quick as possible. I f I went through all of the post's, I bet I would find millions of mistakes, but thats the thing, nobody here is trying tobe "perfect" in the way they write, I mean just in the responses here aloneI have found alot of things that are wrong. The story was a rough draft and has been changed a few times, this specific story is on a web-site and has been revised, I just posted it here because of it being a "hunting" site. I am sorry for the way everyone seems to think of things and for some odd reason, majority of the "rude" remarks, seem to be coming form one team??? I am sorry that because my generation of people, have found new ways to communicatebetween each other, using the internet talk, short-form words and lingo, but dont hold that agaisnt me, I just use them- Also, if my grammar is so bad then how come MSW doesn't pick it up or any other editing system in which I have used....so unless your anEnglish major or have an actual career in writing then,please stick towhat youknow...Im not looking to get people "on my case" about my writing....also I have a webpage that has a couple of my writings andI have had no comments like the ones left here... its sort of strange......because Ihost anEnglish literary site that compliments every style of writing, if you knew, there area lotof different styles of writing...I don't see the "big grammar" mistakes... All fixed, the right way........I am sorry for trying to write in short form and not being so technical with everything that I say. I will from now on, to stop in the confusion. Thank You for all your replies......... |
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ORIGINAL: bowtechlove ..............I am sorry that because my generation of people, have found new ways to communicatebetween each other, using the internet talk, short-form words and lingo, but dont hold that agaisnt me, I just use them- Thicker skin might help in the future.....you know with all of those big meanies leaving the mean responses and all. ;) |
RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: bowtechlove Okay then, for everyone that is reading this, when I am writing back in response or if I am just typing for this site, I am really not concerned with how i spell or even say thing's. I am not trying to be "perfect" when I reply, that is why I dont usually use full words or capital leeters, it's called internet talk, abbreviations of words and/or sentences to make them shorter. I am sorry if that is too complicated for some. Also, I do take the critique's to heart and listen, I take the tips and tricks from the people who I believe are actually helping me. As for some other's, I fray away from them. I have no problem with having my work looked at or talked about, regardless if it is good or bad, I appreciate all the comments. And yes, I understand that things do need to be worked on and gone over a few times, in order to make it right. I am just saying that guy's that leave mean responses, not knowing that I know when I mispell words or ifstatements are out ofsync,I am just responding in as short of form as possible, and as quick as possible. I f I went through all of the post's, I bet I would find millions of mistakes, but thats the thing, nobody here is trying tobe "perfect" in the way they write, I mean just in the responses here aloneI have found alot of things that are wrong. The story was a rough draft and has been changed a few times, this specific story is on a web-site and has been revised, I just posted it here because of it being a "hunting" site. I am sorry for the way everyone seems to think of things and for some odd reason, majority of the "rude" remarks, seem to be coming form one team??? I am sorry that because my generation of people, have found new ways to communicatebetween each other, using the internet talk, short-form words and lingo, but dont hold that agaisnt me, I just use them- Also, if my grammar is so bad then how come MSW doesn't pick it up or any other editing system in which I have used....so unless your anEnglish major or have an actual career in writing then,please stick towhat youknow...Im not looking to get people "on my case" about my writing....also I have a webpage that has a couple of my writings andI have had no comments like the ones left here... its sort of strange......because Ihost anEnglish literary site that compliments every style of writing, if you knew, there area lotof different styles of writing...I don't see the "big grammar" mistakes... All fixed, the right way........I am sorry for trying to write in short form and not being so technical with everything that I say. I will from now on, to stop in the confusion. Thank You for all your replies......... |
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I can't wait to see this new generation's version of math.
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RE: A Story
It was as if madness or obsession had come over me. Suddenly I had nothing but killing on my brain. The time was finally here. It was the opening day ofarchery season.
I hadwaited all year for this day, and I was stoked! I woke up an extra hour early to make sure that I had everything I needed. All my gear was neatly arranged in the corner by the door, and the truck was warming up. The weather report said it would be very chilly for a September day, but it wasn’t going to be too bad. I knew that it was a perfect day for hunting. Thethirty minute drive to my land was just enough to get the sleep off of me, and when I arrived the woods were still as calm as water. I gathered my gear and got out my maps. I had three prime locations to choose from. The first was to the north.It was an old box elder that had been blown over between two ridges, to create not only a perfect obstacle to steer passing deer in my direction, but also as a blind. The second was perched in a tree, aboutsixteen feet up, overlooking a shallow spot in the creek where four trails connected.The third was a hike. I stumbled upon this stand location while tracking a low hit doe in years before. It was an old apple orchard that had been abandoned,due totherising creeklevel in the spring. Now it served as prime land for whitetail. The trees still sprouted buds (and produced enough apples to keep the deer happy)but the areahad beena total wetland in the spring. I had been hunting this area theentire ten years that I have owned it. There are several reasons "why". First, there is the meretwenty minute ride to the trail (then anotherthirty-forty minute walk to the stand site). Secondly, in order tosuccessfully hunt this spot, you must have a climber and be a damned good shot. You only have room foran approximatefifteen yard shot (encompassingthree shooting lanes).Compound this with the fact that you aretwenty feet in the air and you'll be close to realizing the situation at hand. In this stand site, you are atLEASTanhour from any another man. With all that information stored, it's not hard to understand how this areacould be construed as"deer heaven". As I turned back outside the truck, the cool morning air was turning colder.For some reason, something told me to get moving. I grabbed my gear and headed onward. Along the walk, a lot of things play games with a man's head. This happens, especially, in the darkness. Every twig I heard snap; every bird I heard leaving its roost seemed to sendmy heart into over-drive.It felt as though it could be beating out of my chest. I could hear distant frogs from the creek; the hoot of howls; the yipping of coyotes in the hills. It was a very peaceful, yet scarey, journey. I reached my honey-hole withample time to get set up right for the wind.It seemed as though the cold weather was picking up. Since the time I awoke (to this moment), the temperature had been dropping, constantly. The air was cold and the clouds looked like they were full and ready to burst. But, nothing seemed to bother me. I was wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and had no worries about the weather. I wrestledmy climber onto the tree and made my ascent. As I reached the apex (abouteighteen feet), I cautiously pulled my pack and bow to my new position. Isettled in and got setup. I have nothing to wait for, now, exceptthe first splinter of the rising sun. As I sat there, time seemed to move slowly and steadily. The forest was starting to awaken.The birds were chirping, and the rising sunlight filled the previously darkened woods. I couldn’t help but think about the day that layahead of me. My mind and body were filled with anxiety, and I was aching for that first glimpse of a deer. Daylight was well upon me now. It's nowseven o’clock..... and it's cold. I figured the temperature at a merethirty-five degrees and the sky was spitting snow. I watched as the woods seemed to fill up with wildlife. The squirrels were busy finding food and chasing each other up and down trees. They sounded as if they were fighting to the deathas theycrashed through the crisp leaves. I hada group of turkeys move through, which startled me! All the commotion they maderesembledwhat I thought might be aherd of deer coming my way. Occurrences like this remind me of why I love bowhunting as much as I do. While bowhunting, I'm able to observe nature's beauty in ways many can only dream of. Suddenly,I'msnappedout of the realm of day dreaming.I'm broughtback to reality, albeit kicking and screaming. There's a loud "cracking sound"behind me. Iam frozen,instantly.I wait for the quiet to come,but I hear it, again.This time it was louder (and moving closer). As my heart starts to beat faster.....faster...., sending my body ....I begin shaking.I slowly turn towards the noise. My eyes arefrantically trying to catch something (anything)moving. I notice a small bush (aboutthirty-five yards away) moving, ever so gently. I paused,asthough I was trying to look completely through the bush, to see the faint glimpseof an ear twitching. I reached for my bow, not knowing what was going to come out from behind the shrub. As I watched and waited, Ikept telling myself to calm down.Relax. Then, it happened. The object I was so patiently waiting for stepped out from behind the bush.My stomach sank.Standing beforeme (andwell within bow range) was a gig doe. She was chewing, rapidly, and acting as though there was something that she was supposed to be doing. Her tail was flicking wildly, and she kept looking to her right side,towards the creek bed. Glancing quickly, I noticed that therewere three more does.Relaxinng, momentarily, Ilet up on the bow andeased myself back into a comfortable position.I noticed my heart, still racing.As I watched the four does parade around the orchards, picking up food and frolicking with each other,they seemed to not have a care in this world. They hung around for what seemed like hours, then disappeared into the thicket. The weather was beginning to pick up,and I thought for the first time there might be a snowy opening weekend. My body was starting to feel the effects of sitting still and began stiffening with the frigid temperature.I decided to have a cup of coffee and stretch a bit.It was nine o’clock before Isaw another deer. This time, it was a respectableseven-pointer. He walked right towards me, then turned to take a quick bite before heading back to the creek bottom. Excitement is what keeps a man on the stand, I have always thought. As the day grew longer, the deer sightings dropped off.While watching the orchard edges (where the orchards meet the swamp),something caught my eye. It was asmall sparkle.... a mere glimmer of light that had reflected off something. I grabbed my binoculars and scoped the terrain. There he was!Before me was thebuck I was hoping to see! At a distance of sixty-five yards, I could see the massive tines shooting splinters of bark from a sapling. His head was gigantic!His body was not unlike that of a horse! I couldn’t count the number of tines, but I knew they had to be "many". He was still a long ways out,and wasmeandering about.I knew at this point that he couldgo inany direction he wanted. I knew that I would have to pull out all the stops to even get a closer look. Throughout allmy previousyearshunting (and articles that I have read, in magazines), Itried to recall all of thetips and tricks that one thinks heshould have in his arsenal. Nothing can prepare you for this moment, though....short of living it. When you are face to face withan animal you wantSO badly, you realize thatyou're goingto have to draw onall of your past experincesto close the deal. I quietly picked upmy grunt tube and made a few soft, slow grunts. No response!I thentried afew more, this time a little longer and louder.Nothing, still. I thought, for sure, this buck was never going to get the message. So, I then pulled out the rattling antlersandclicked themtogether. The giant's head shot up! Game on. He stretched his neck out, so far it seemed as ifit wasjust floating there. I clicked the antlers together again, and his curiosity heightened.This was nodumb buck though. He didn’t walk right to the noise or charge in for a fight. He waited and watched. He was looking for any sign of dangerbefore inquiring as to thesource of the noise.To him, this "noise"meant one thing.With the breeding season upon us, hewas about to enter into afight forthisterritory. I had managed to keep it together theentire fifteenminutes he stood there, looking.I pickedmy grunt tube, again, this time giving three hard blasts. This buck had heard enough, and decided to move. With his head cocked down and his chest pumped up, he headed towards me. With each step in my direction he took....my heart skipped beats. He stopped atapproximatelyforty yards, and continued to gaze in my direction, never taking his eyes off level ground. “He doesn't know Im here”, Ikept tellingmyself. I watched, intently,as he took his time coming across the clearing. I knew he would reach my shooting lane, soon.I tried to gather my composer for theimminent shot, andI slowly started to stand. My bow was in hand ashe noticed something he didn’t like.He started to take a path in the wrong direction, but I remembered I hada shooting lanethere, too.That shot would be nowhere near as "perfect" as this one, though.I slowly reached formy grunt tube again and gave a quick, two snort combination. The buck wheeled around and stopped, just inside the thicket. I could finally see his antlers, and I was NOTdisappointed.He sported sixpoints on the left main beam, with one drop tine. I could clearly make outseven points on the right.I quickly surmisedat least a thirty inch spread.He waseasily the biggest deer I had everseen on this property, and I knew he wasn’t "just another buck". His coat was almost black, and his face was stubbed and grey. As he stood their, all I could do was freeze. I wanted nothing to interfere with me and my trophy. Ashe stood in this thick spot, I examined my chance. If hecontinued on the same pathhewas facing,he would bewell inside twenty yards of my stand in a moment.That position should offer me a good shot. That'smychance at him. If he turns, though,the opportunity would surely pass me by. It was as if he knew I was thinking about him, becausehethen startedto move. He picked up his heavy racked head and pranced out of the thicket. He was headed straight towards me. At 25 yards, he turned just enough to reveal his vitals, and to give me the chance to draw on him. When I pulled the bow up, and beganmy draw, the bow felt like thinair. It was an extension of my body.My drawwas clean and smooth. I didn’tsearch to findmyanchorpoint. Everything wassolid. . I found the pin through the peep sight, and placed it right behind the left shoulder. I gave a slight whistle, and the giant stopped. I placed my pin directly behind his left shoulder, and gave a faint whistle. My giant stopped. My concentration was broken by the distinct sound ofcarbon shaft in flight.Thenext sound I heard was a sharp, distinctive "smack"! The massive animal bucked his back feet hard against his stomach, then disappeared in a cloud of snow and mud. I watched as thegiant ran into the thicket. After nearlyfive minutes, heappeared from the other side, towards the timber. He wassimplywalking....steppingas if nothing had happened. “How did I miss?” was the only question running through my mind. I stood there, watching him, as he headedtoward the dark timbers of his home. It was as if he was trying to break my spirits. Was hemocking the fct that I had missed?How did I miss a mere eighteen yard, broadsideshot? I knewmy bow ws dialedin and I knew the shot felt"perfect". How could this have happened? I waited another half hour before getting down from my perch. I gathered mygear and headed to the where I had shot. I needed to find my arrow.I looked,but could find nothing. I decided to take the route the buck had taken, in case the hit was low.As soon as I got to the thickets, I found the arrow. It was covered in blood and meat. Good sign! I followed a thick blood trailuntil I got to the opening before the woods. This was the last place I had seen the giant.I found puddles of pinkish blood andI knew that he wasn’t going to befar away.Every hunter knows thisis a sure sign of a lung hit deer. I made my way about 10 yards into the forest and there he was!He had piled up on an old log. I couldn’t handle it!I ran to him, grabbing his massive tines! he was just as I had suspected......a damned goodeleven pointer! My excitement was out of control! This was what it was all about.THIS is why my love for hunting grows more and more, through the years. As I stood over this monster of a deer, I thought about how proud I felt to have taken such an animal.The honorof going head to head with the smartest animal in the woods....and winning....was bestowed upon me. |
RE: A Story
Hey GMMAT,are the red words the ones you fixed?
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RE: A Story
I am sorry GMMAT, I didn't get a chance to read all the way through it before. I see what you did, and to behonest, I get where you are coming from.
Thanks for the edit and critique, it was well needed. As to the rest of you, maybe a apology is in order? I never meant for this to turn into a "hate mail" sort of thing. I just wanted honest opinion's from honest people, and that' s what I got. When I wrote this, I should have looked over it more and revised it a little better myself, rather than have MS Word do it for me. I wrote it and posted it. All of your critique's, either good or bad, is what I asked for, so I shouldn't have got so defensive about the situation. Again, I'm sorry for all the mess, and hopefully when I get done re-reading it, re-writing it and have finally come up with a killer story, you guys can tell me what you really think, honestly. Thank You p.s. I also wanted to say that, what I meant by "my generation" of talking is, everybody that I know and talk to, outside of huntingnet.com, always abbreviates and tries to simplify, every sentence and word. I just thought that everyone knew that stuff, and could relate, but I guess I was wrong. Sorry for all of that too. |
RE: A Story
I think you guys may have gotten a bit out of hand. Constructive criticism is a good thing and can be very motivating, but to say that his story straight up sucked isn't constructive at all. Maybe he isn't the BEST writer, but his story was definitely enjoyable. Yes, it needs work. Yes, the grammar was off a bit. Yes, 7 + 7 =14 not eleven. But as a whole the story wasn't so bad.
It is one thing to give someone guidance to become better at what they choose, but dont squash someones hope. Telling him that his writing sucks can take away his desire or will to write. Why squash someones dreams? Be helpful with your criticisms, because whether you think so or not, it may hurt more than you realize. I think he posted this story with the intent to share his passion for the outdoors that we all can agree we have. The story relates to each and everyone of us, and therefor lets not down our fellow hunter but embrace that he is writing about hunting at all. With some work, and some help, he can become a great writer. Personally, I think your story is pretty good. There are some things that need work, but all-in-all you write very well. Keep at it, and follow your heart. Don't let others dictate what you can and cannot do. |
RE: A Story
ORIGINAL: fingerz42 I think you guys may have gotten a bit out of hand. Constructive criticism is a good thing and can be very motivating, but to say that his story straight up sucked isn't constructive at all. Maybe he isn't the BEST writer, but his story was definitely enjoyable. Yes, it needs work. Yes, the grammar was off a bit. Yes, 7 + 7 =14 not eleven. But as a whole the story wasn't so bad. It is one thing to give someone guidance to become better at what they choose, but dont squash someones hope. Telling him that his writing sucks can take away his desire or will to write. Why squash someones dreams? Be helpful with your criticisms, because whether you think so or not, it may hurt more than you realize. I think he posted this story with the intent to share his passion for the outdoors that we all can agree we have. The story relates to each and everyone of us, and therefor lets not down our fellow hunter but embrace that he is writing about hunting at all. With some work, and some help, he can become a great writer. Personally, I think your story is pretty good. There are some things that need work, but all-in-all you write very well. Keep at it, and follow your heart. Don't let others dictate what you can and cannot do. |
RE: A Story
I went through the whole thing bowtech. I, admittedly, didn't get a chance to check for my own grammar.....but I spent more time with it than I intended.
What I hope you got was an "alternative"view on how to make your story "flow", better. That's the best way I could think of to properly critique it. I hope it helped. |
RE: A Story
Well thank you all.......
I'm not sure if this is what I should be doing with my time, since I dont seem to be very good at it, but I love to write and I think I should just do it for fun, huh? What do ya think? |
RE: A Story
Hey btl, I make arrows. I cap and crest and fletch etc. When I started I sucked at it. The arrows were ugly, fletchings came off way to easy etc. I stuck with it and with some time and practice I do OK now. No one is perfect at much of anything when they start. Keep at it. Who knows we may just be reading you in Outdoor Life one day. And as I said in PMs, sorry for being so harsh.
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RE: A Story
Best of luck in your pursuits bowtech. I can tell you, one of the hardest things to do on this here planet is conveying your thoughts and emotions via the written word. GOOD LUCK and enjoy yourself.
Brett |
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