RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

OK, my crappy experience isn't anywhere NEAR some of these but here goes.

I was in my stand one evening and a couple hours go by and I start to feel that grumble down in the pits of my gut that tell me I gotta take a dump, well were creeping up on twilight and I wasn't about to abort my hunt right now. So I sat there and the grumbling kept getting worse and the onset of cramps had begun so now I've got some squirming going on. I'm almost in pain as I try to hold it back and finally I've had enough, I hadn't seen any deer anyhow so I gotta go NOW! So I take off my release and and set down my bow and took my first step onto the ladder when I looked and saw two deer that had just cleared the trees heading my way. DAM! as bad as I had to go I got back up put my release back on and got ready for a shot. These two deer were in no hurry to cross over to where I could get a shot and my grumbling belly wasn't getting any easier, Finally they get to a shooting lane one put its head behind a tree and I come to full draw. That dam deer just stopped, so here I am at full draw for what seemed like an hour all the while I have to take a monster crap. My arm is in serious pain but if I let down it's gonna hear me, It takes a step to show me just enough to take a shot, I put a pin on and let it go. Neck shot at about 5 yards, it went straight to the ground and I dam near jumped out of that stand and into the woods just shy of messing my pants.

Then I realized I didn't have any TP so I had to start cutting my socks off to wipe.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

"My "poop" story..........."

I agree...best story yet!

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

OH god , thats sick and very funny LMAO .

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

:D

Seems like most of us need to read this book...:D



The book is for real! I browse through it...:D:D:D

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

How about one more "poop story"

This happened to a friend of mine. He relayed this story to me.

My friend decided to take his father deer hunting with him on the first day of rifle season. They got up extra early because they would be hunting a public hunting area.

They were the first to arrive at the parking lot. Since they were extra early, they decided to sit in the truck a bit longer. It was cold and my buddy thought it would be better for his elderly father to stay warm a bit longer.

As they sat there, my buddy started getting that rumble in the pit of his stomache. He had to go. He decided to get out and go to the edge of the woods before anyone else came to hunt.

He barely got to the woods and got his pants down when here it come. He just started to bend over whenit exploded out of him. Lots of pressure behind it if you know what I mean.

When he finished he went back to the truck to get his dad and head for their stands.

Later that day, when he went back to the truck for lunch, he saw where he had that episode earlier that morning. In the snow, he could see his tracks. Behind where he stood was nothing for about 2 feet, then there was a orangish/brownsplattering all over the snow. It was sprayed everywhere.

He said the funny part was that he went right on the main trail where everyone enters the woods. He could see other hunter's tracks in the snow where they made a detour around his mess. He couldn't help to think, what they thought, to see that splattered all over the snow 2 feet behind his tracks.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Something weird that happened to me before, i Dropped a log in the woods one time, it was a good 2 and a little half logger and I seen a buck walk right up to it and bury his nose in it, this was pre season.
IDK seems weird to me
Ryan.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Okay, if we must share poop stories... Everybody knows that you pack TP when you go hunting because you never know when you're gonna have that uncontrollable urge.I never had to go when hunting, but I always pack the TP anyway. Nobody ever reminded me to pack TP when you're scouting... Of course, I'm checking out a beautiful spot and find a ton of sign when I get that gurgle. Usually, I can hold it until I can get to a rest room, but this was the gurgle from hell. Well, its a good thing that I had decided to take a notebook with me to jot down notes regarding the waypoints I was entering into my GPS, those pages came in pretty handy :eek:

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

3 years ago during rifle season in MN I was posting. My 2 hunting buddies were doing a small drive through some private land 15 acres we have access to. They said they would be to me in 30-45 minutes. 15 minutes in I heard a shot, 90 minutes later I heard a hoot owl and thought it was them calling me over. The wind had shifted and was blowing into the escape trail anyway so I started towards them. Well....it wasn't them hooting. They had shota doe with the first shotand saw12 or so other does in that area along with a big typical 14 pointer and were slowly workingtowards me in that small heavy alder swamp that they saw him go into. The big boy smelled me but wouldn't come out andwe had him trapped until I opened the door. The neighbor shot a couple hours later. Scored somewhere in the high 160s.

Now they hoot at me and laugh......It is quite the joke...

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Well this isn't a poop story but about two years ago I fell asleep in my climber. And when I woke I pulled one of those half asleep jerks and dropped my bow about 20 feet. I got down check out my bow it didn;t hurt it. so I shot a leaf from about 20 yards everything seemed ok so I got back in my stand I turn around pulled my release out of my pocket and dropped it. So I had to go get it. needless to say between wearing out a tree and sleeping I didn't see a thing that day!!!!

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

I got a good poop story... My dad's cousin and his cousin were going up fishing to Canada in the summer like they always did. Anyways they left early and on the way their the one guy decided to eat a bean burrito from a gas station... Well everything is fine for the whole day.the next morningthey decide to go out into the boat for some fishing. Well they were out in the middle of a monstrous lake. (Lake of the Woods I think) when the bean burrito decides to rear its ugly head. So my dad's cousin floors the boat to the nearest land mass. His cousin (we'll call Frank) hits the ground running before the boat even touches the shore he might have even went in the water... So off into the woods he goes... A while later he comes running back to the boat looking terrified yelling at my dad's cousin to get the heck out of there! After they get moved away my dad's cousin asked what happened. well Frank found a nice open spot and took an explosive dump... then he got the feeling someone was watching him... he turned around after he had finished and there sat a house, with the family inside eating breakfast in front of therehuge window,all of whom had a horrified expression...

Another good story about the same guy... Frank and my dad's cousin were fishing. Frank catches a small walleye and is looking at its underbelly with his mouth opentrying to determine whether its male or female when all of a sudden a spurt of fish crap hits its target and lands right in his mouth! My dad's cousin still gets teary eyed when he remembers that story.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Well here is my "poop" story. Not as good as the others but still pretty funny.

Last year, opening day of rifle season in PA, my youngest son (9) begged me to go. So we went out, drove up to the field. As soon as we got there, he said his stomach was crampy and wanted to lay down for a little bit. I was only around the bend about 150 yards so I said thats fine when you feel better, just walk up to me. About an hour had passed and it was just turning light when he came walking up. I said how is everything, he said fine. Well about 30 minutes later, he said dad, I have to go to the bathroom. I told him to take the bucket that he was sitting on and sit across it and do your business. Well he left and came back minus the bucket. When I asked him where the bucket was, he said he left it there. Puzzled I said why. His response was why should I carry the bucket back when its full of poop. Apparentlly he misunderstood what I said when I told him to sit across it and did his business in it instead. His nickname is now Poop Bucket Boy.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing you've ever done in the woods.
 

About 10 years ago, our first year on our very own hunting land! We hadn't had a chance to place stands or anything so I was sitting on the ground on the curve of a trail coming from a field. A does comes down the trail and offers a shot @ about 20 yards. So I draw and shoot. I miss by about 6 inches left in front of her. Crap..

She runs back down the trail and stops. Couple minutes later she comes back to the exact same spot!

So I draw and shoot again it misses her by about a foot this time, again left in front of her.She runs back down the trail again.WTF?

I was a pretty good shot then and nothing was deflecting the arrow. So I'm checking my arrows, my jacket to see if its in the way. I had just practiced that afternoon, everything is good.
Needless to say the doe was a little spooky. For what ever reason, she came back again to the SAME SPOT! No Joke..

So now I am ready and fire my last arrow. The arrowmisses her again, but instead of missing her in front, this time it goes behind her rump to the right by a foot (so I missed the mark by about 4 or 5 feet). This time she's had enough and disappears.

At this point I am just livid. I just could not figure out what was wrong. It didn't make any sense why I was missing to the left the first two shots and then on the third shot I missed to the right by almost 4 feet..
So I inspect by bow to see if the peep sight moved. nope, String looks good. Arrow rest look normal. Then I tap my sight and it slides out and drops to the ground. It must have loosened up on the ride over or something and chose a terrible time let me know it needed to be tightened.
I couldn't find the arrows in the brush with the sun setting, so I just sat there on the ground for about an hour until the sun went down, with my sightless & arrowless bow, stewing over my missed opportunity(s). Arms crossed and grumpy!!

Well wouldn't you know it, about 15 minutes after the doefinally left, a nice 6 pointer came down that same trail and stoppedabout a foot from where the doe had stood for my shots. He looked at me for a little bit, & I swear I saw him smile at me (if deer can smile). He just calmly kept walking up the trail, occasionally glancing at me, not a care in the world, mocking me.

I can imagine it was a funny site, me sitting on the ground w/ no arrows, no sights, and very angry.

My dad got a good kick from that story.. uggghhhh. Im just glad I didnt' end up wounding her in some way. Not funny at the time, but looking back, it sure is funny to me.
PS. I have checked my sights before I head out for a hunt everytimesince then, I doubt I'll ever stop that practice...

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Critter, that's good there. I can't decide if this is one of the funniest or one of the smartest things, both I think.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

This story right here, ladies and gentlemen, takes the cake. Very funny!!!

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

STUPID CATEGORY
So there's this old ber den by one of my stands, it's midway up a hillsurrounded bytamarac swamp, I've checked it out while scouting and walked by it a dozen times since then...never thought much of it, so on the last day of rifle season I get out of my stand to stretch my legs andstand on the bear den side of the hill for a while. It starts to rain,and it's time to meet back at camp for lunch, so I walk down the hill past the bear den, and as I get close to it I admire how big a hole it is and wonder how deep it goes, so I walk in front of it, bend over, look inside, as my eyes adjust I notice a bear paw, then I notice the bear, and it's looking at me...so there we were, 3-4 feet away staring at eachother, both of our eyes were wide, there's only one way for that bear to go and that's out of the den where my dumb ass is standing...and my gun is slung over my shoulder so I'm screwed, I'm to close to do anything, do I back away slowly? No...I think I can outrun him... so I bolted down the hill trying to get a handle on my rifle, and not trip, I get to the bottom and turn around ready to shoot, and... the bear stayed in the den. That's when I noticed a bunch of beaver carcasses at the bottom of the hill, where the bear hadeaten already, thankfully. I make it back to the truck, and realize I am stupid.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Great thread. Bringing it back. Need more funny stories.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing you've ever done in the woods.
 

This is the most hilarious stuff I've read in a long time. I like the one with the family watching.

Incidentally, for all these poo stories, I hear that it is a good scent attractant and the deer come check it out when they smell it. I guess next time take a steamer in close shooting lane. Can't say that I've done it yet though.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Thats one of the coolest stories ive ever heard. Why dont you try to submit it to "this happened to me" in Outdoor Life? You might have a chance of making it!

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing you've ever done in the woods.
 

ok i didnt want to tell this one but i guess i will.

i was bow hunting out of my climber. it was my second year to bow hunt and my first year in a climber. i was really little (like 75 lbs) so my harness was big but it was tight. there was alot of slack in the belt connecting meto the tree. i was hunting on my buddies property and we were about half mile from each other. i was just getting settled in when i realized that i needed to get my release which was in my backpack behind me in the tree. i stood up and turned around. im still not sure how i did it but i managed to jiggle the bottom of my climber loose. so down it went followed shortly by me. somewhere in this process my foot got tangled in the harnes slack and i hung upside down in the tree.my buddy seemed pissed when he walked up to me screaming like a little girlbut soon laughed when he actually saw me. i was not happy. thank god i was only hanging upside down for about 15 min. i honestly though i was going to die. he got me down and we laugh about it every time we set up stands. i havent hunted in a climber since. lock-ons only

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing you've ever done in the woods.
 

That is a good reason to always have a loud safety whistle close at hand. You never know when you are going to be hanging around.....

Happy and Safe Hunting
Reid

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing you've ever done in the woods.
 

Red Bear,
I know a guy who had a whistle and got into the upside down fell out of a climber situation, the whistle was in his coat pocket, and once he got to the end of his leesh, (saftey rope) the whistle went to the ground, sorta just a like wow thats a suckey cooincidence type thing.
Ryan

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing you've ever done in the woods.
 

Yea...:D...we pack our pockets and packs for gravity to hold everything in...we don't take into consideration what would happen if gravity was in the opposite direction. Probably a good idea to put a string on the whistle and tie it to our pocket or vest.

Happy and Safe Hunting
Reid

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

speaking of pooing on public land, I had to pop a squat in what I call an emergency ****uation. Anyways when I was done I stood up(after wiping of course; I always carry tp in my pack) I was kind of light-headed and had to take a step back to catch my balance and you guessed it, right in my own pile of poo. Thank god for rubber boots.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

The Thread Heading should be changed to "When Nature Calls" or something.:D

LOL what is it with being in the woods that just tugs on our insides like that?

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Forgot my tree steps once[:@]

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Well more than once I climbed down the tree and left my bow/arrow and back pack on the Ez hanger that was screwed into the tree where I was.The funniest was runninginto a guy still in the tree that was in my stolen climbing stand.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Did ya get your stand back? That guy would not wanna come down if I caught him sitting in my stand, but it might be a race to see if he could get down quicker than my folding saw could bring him down...

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Haven't really had any funny things happen to me, but this was my dumbest. When I graduated college in 03, my dad got me my dream gun, an A-bolt in 300 win mag. I wanted a better scope than what came on it, so my wife bought me a Swift 3-9x50 that I picked out for Christmas in 04. Only $200, but good scope for the money. I have hunted with one on one of my dad's rifles (a BAR 7 mag) for years. A friend and me was taking a trip to his uncles lease. It was my first time hunting with that scope. The first day, I killed my first deer, a small spike (might as well of been a 150", as excited as I was). I did not see any more deer that trip. The last night, I was hunting out of my climber. As shooting light faded, I was about to climb down. For some stupid reason, I tied my lowering rope to my sling. Just as I held it out over the edge, the sling came loose. I watched my rifle with new scope fall about 15 feet and bounce off the butt of the stock. It ruined my scope. I only got to hunt with it 3 days. Now I am just biding my time using that same BAR that I used to use when I am not bow hunting, waiting until I can afford the Leupold that I want.

Lesson learned - Don't ever hold your gun (or bow) over 15 feet of nothing but air without being positive, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that it is tied securely.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

A couple years ago, I had the perfect ambush spot. Trimmed it out 2 months before opening day and returned 3 days before to hang my stand. Since this isn't my land and I know others hunt nearby, I carefully camoflaged my stand with branches I cut and hauled up. I cut a trail through 200 yards of weeds to avoid spooking deer on the way in. And lastly, I removed the bottom steps so that absolutely NO ONE would be able to climb up to my stand if it were somehow discovered.

I arrived early on Opening morning, made it to my tree without spooking any deer and was standing there horrified to find out I'd left the steps I removed at home! [:@] Going home for them was out of the question and I contemplated hunting from the ground, but decided to see if someone COULD actually get in my stand. It's NO FUN jumping in the dark attempting to grab a step you can't even see, but I eventually managed to haul myself up to the stand.

I had been in place for about 45 minutes when I see 2 flashlights headed my way. One guy sets up somewhere to my left and the other idiot walks past where I am ON THE TRAIL I'D PURPOSEDLY AVOIDED. He set up with-in bow range of me and fidgetted and passed gas (I heard him) until the deer that WERE headed towards me got wind of him, snorted and ran off! [:@] I wasn't happy about that and getting down the tree was even more difficult than climbing up!

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Quite a few years back, I was gun hunting and using the old baker-type climbing stand. I had no climber and would just hug the tree to climb. After it had rained all night, and I picked a particularly difficult tree to hug (and absorb all the rain from), I reached my hunting height and attempted to haul up my gun - and my did the haul line seem light! Either I forgot to tie the gun on or it came undone, I don't remember, but the haul line came up empty and I had to make an extra two trips down and up the tree hugging a rainsoaked tree (it was bone dry by the time I was done :D. I have clips on either end of my haul lines now!

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

One season my Dad and I were working on the farm preparingthe hunting lodgefor the opening day of bow season. After a morning of hard work we go to the store for lunch. The cashier, seeing our camo work-clothes, asks us if we had any luck. We laughed and said no, the season didn't start until next week. It was his turn to laugh, TODAY was opening day of the bowseason!!!! Somehow we had gotten our days mixed up. We hurry back to the lodge to try and salvage what's left of opening day. Problem is we had only brought our target arrows. We scrambled around the lodge looking through our gear and we were able to find enough stuff to give us a hunting arrow apiece. Unfortunately we didn't see anything sitting on our stands that evening.

RE: Dumbest/Funniest thing youve ever done in the woods.
 

Lucky for me all my moments come when I'm fishing!

I have a tip I'd like to pass along though. Never leave home without Imodium A-D! Its much cheaper than loosing your socks or underwear!