Cops vs Hunters
 

One night during the local deer hunting season a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy country bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a deer hunter tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, then try his keys in five different cars before he found his. He sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. All the other deer hunters left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.00. The puzzle officer demanded to know how that could be.

The deer hunter replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."


Thought the title would get your attention. Good joke though..........

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Four friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an ten-point buck.

"Where's Billy Bob?"

"Billy Bob had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."

"You left Billy Bob laying out there and carried the deer back?"

"A tough call," nodded the hunter "but I figured no one, in their right mind, is going to steal Billy Bob."

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

A first time deer hunter booked a hunt with an experienced outfitter. He would be hunting a productive area, but it was filled with grizzly bears. When he got to camp, he insisted that his guide be 60 years old or older. The outfitter thought this was very odd, seeing that the hunter himself was in his early thirties.

The novice hunter downed a nice buck, but skinning and butchering the deer attracted some big grizzlies in the area. The hunter returned to base camp with his clothes shredded, telling the story of being attacked by a bear.

The outfitter wanted to know where his guide was. The hunter said he was still laying in the woods. The outfitter asked him how his clothes got torn, and the hunter said that while they were working on the deer carcass, a grizzly bear had ambushed them and he was attacked.

He said, "I hit the bear with my gun and took off running. As I was running away the guide yelled at me to play dead, that you can't outrun a bear. I yelled back, I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

all are funny as hell, i like the first the best though.

PT

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

A first time bear hunter went bear hunting. He saw a nice sized black bear and shot it.He brought it to the Game Warden to be recorded.
"Do you have a valid hunting license?" the Game Warden asked the hunter.
"No, I do not" replied the hunter.
"Well then I am going to fine you $1,000. Next time you better have a valid hunting license or else I am going to arrest you."
The hunter goes bear hunting the next day, this time with a valid hunting license. He sees another bear and kills it. He brings it back to the Game Warden so he can record it.
"Do you have a valid hunting license this time?"
"Yes I do."
He then shows the Game Warden his hunting license.
"Can I see your bear tag?"
"I don't have a bear tag"
"You need a bear tag in order to hunt bear. I am going you $5,000. If I catch you hunting bear without a bear tag next time I will arrest you"
The hunter goes to buy a bear tag. He goes bear hunting the next day and kills another bear. He brings it to the Game Warden.
"Can I see your license and bear tag"
"Yes"
The hunter hands the Game Warden his license and bear tag.
"Wow, I see it took you three shots to kill this bear. It looks like you ended up shooting the bear in both front feet and in the head" said the Game Warden.
"No sir, the bear covered his eyes as I shined the spot light on him" said the hunter.

:D

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

LMAO.

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

y'all are too funny:D

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Thanks for the laugh, that was great

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Two men weresquirrel huntingon a hot summer day. One of them collapsed and passed out. The otherman called 911.
"911 what is your emergency?"
"It's my friend, he collapsed and passed out. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, please help me!"
"Calm down. First we have to make sure he is dead"
There is a silence on the line.
BOOM
"Ok, now what?"



Dan and Billwere rabbit hunting in the desert. Dan got bit in the buttby a rattlesnake.
"Bill, I got bit in the buttby a rattlesnake. Call a doctor and ask what to do."
Bill tries to call the doctor, but he has no service.
"My phone doesn't have any service. I will ride into town and ask a doctor what to do."
Bill rides into town and goes to the hospital.
"Doctor, doctor, my friend Dan has been bit by a rattlesnake. What should I do?"
"You have to suck the poison out of the bite."
"Thanks doctor" says Bill.
Billrides back to the desert. He comes upon Dan.
"What did the doctor say?"
"Your going to die."

:D:D

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

A couple of guys went hunting in the mountains. The terrain was very steep and rugged. As they climbed higher, one of the hunters began to clutch his chest and collapsed. The other began to panic, then realizes he had his cell phone and called 911. He was frantic and explained to the operator that he thought his buddy had died from a heart attack, He asked what he should do. The operator asked him if he was sure if the guy was dead. He replied, "Hold on a minute." A second later a shot rang out. He came back to the phone and said, "Okay, what next?"

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

I'm not sure but I think that joke was just used in the post before yours.

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

A couple of blondes wnet hunting in the woods and inevitably got turned areound and lost.
After sitting for a while pondering what to do, one turns to the other and says "In my Hunters Safety class, they said to fire 3 shots in the air to signnal you are lost." So, 3 shots are fired.
An hour passes and no help arrives... The second blonde tells the first to fire 3 more shots, to which the first one replies "OK, but Im almost out of arrows"

;)
Chris

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

I see that--what a jerk!:D(JK) I always type too slow! I told it better though!:)

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

LOl you all are to ofunny.Didnt know I was going to get a joke thread going.Wonder just how many are actually out there .

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

It's not my fault I type fast! I could also edit my post with your joke, and say you copied me! BWHAHAHAH

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

rotflmao!!! oh my gosh those are hilarious!!!! here's one no hunting one.

threegirls, a blonde, brunnete, and a red head, get stranded on an island 10 miles from the nearest settlement and noone knows they're there. the brunnete one says i'm going home, she swims on mile gets tired and dies. thered head says she's going home swims 5miles gets tired and dies. then the blonde decides toswim for the settlement. she goes 9 miles then gets tired and decides to go back. :D

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

LOL, that is great. :D

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

thanks for the giggles...enjoyed them all.:D

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Hunters 1, Police 0.

:)

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Two blondes are out hunting in the woods. One of them turns to the other and says, "Man, I've really got to take a crap." Thefirst blondelooks at him stupidly and says, "Well....go!" Argueing back, the other says, "I've got nothing to wipe with." Now this stumps thefirst blonde as he ponders over it awhile. Finally he gets his break and replies, "Well, you've got a dollar, don't you??" The other blonde says, "That's a great idea!" and goes out behind a tree. Minutes pass and finally the other blonde returns, and has crap all over his hands and arms and stinks really bad. The first blonde says, "What happened??? I thought you had a dollar!" And the other blonde smartly replies, "I did. But have you ever tried to wipe with three quarters,two dimes, and anickel???"

Well, I thought it was funny.

Great jokes

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

A father and son go out hunting. Its the son's first year that he's old enough to hunt without his dad being right there with him. The father sets the son up against a large oak tree overlooking at least a half dozen well worn trails that come together right in his shooting lane. "Son, stay right here, dont move, be quiet, and keep your eyes open. I'm going about 100 yards down that way, good luck!" The father isn't gone more than 20 minutes when he hears this blood curdling scream coming from his son's direction. He rushes to where he left his son. His son is standing near the tree, scared half to death and shaking, with no visible reason. "Son, I told you to sit there and be quiet... What happened? "Well dad, I tried to do what you said. When that snake came and slithered across my lap, I was scared but I didn't move or make a sound. When that skunk came right up to me, looked me right in the eyes, turned around and lifted its tail, I was scared, but I didn't show it and he walked away. When that HUGE bear came by, stood up on its hind legs and growled at me, I was a trooper, I didn't move, and he went on his way." "What happened then" asked the father? "Well dad, when those two squirrels came by collecting nuts, one of them ran up my pant leg and asked the other if we should eat them here or take them home with us..."

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Thanks guys that was much needed.

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

LMAO Now that is a cute joke.

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

2 blondes are hunting pheasants along a river and come upon one another on opposite sides. The first blonde hollers over "How do I get to the other side?" and the 2nd one replies "you are on the other side!

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Funy, funny funny.


Duck hunter was approached by a game warden after haveing a successful morning. game warden asks for a license, hunter shows it, game warden starts checking birds, first bird, game warden sticks his finger in its butt and smells his finger, he says man thats a north american teal,I sure hope you have a stamp for this, hunter says yup right here, hmm... thinks the game warden, he picks up another bird and sticks his finger in it's butt and smell his finger..... he says oh man thats a southern mexico green crested mallard Isure hope you have a stamp for that, this would be a very expensive fine, hunter says yup right here, damn, game warden shakes his head. He picks up another bird sticks his finger in it's butt and smells his finger, oh man this is Canadian goose,I sure hope you have a stamp for this, hunter says yup, right here. Dammmit the game warden says, then asks "where you from boy" hunter thinks a second .....then sticks his finger in his butt and puts it to the wardens nose and says "I dunno why dont you tell me."

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Now that was the best joke of them all.

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

two men were out deer hunting, and one gotaccidentally shot. They rushed to the emergency room. After a long wait in the emergency room, the doctor comes out and the hunter asked, "Doctor, Doctor how's my buddy, is he okay!" The doctor replied, "well, he might have lived if you didn't gut him!.

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

LOL

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

So you Are admitting that I told it better!:D:D:D

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

A man and his wife were arguing over how much time he spends deer hunting. He talks to a friend about it, and his friend suggests he get her involved to take away the tension. So, he takes his advice and gets her a gun, treestand, etc. ,and teaches her how to shoot. The big day camw when they were to go out for the first time. The husband decided to let his wife sit by herself, and he took her to the designated spot, walked away and only got about 4oo yards away when==BANG! He rushed back all excited, yet a little confused when he heard, "Yes ma'am it's your deer! If you put the gun down, I'll get my saddle off, and you can have it!"

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Great jokes. I like the one about the ducks the best.

Tom

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

A novice hunter decides to go bear hunting. His first day out he sees a nice black bear and shoots it. Suddenly there is a tap on his shoulder, and a large brown bear is standing there. "you just shot my friend." he says. " You get 2 choices. I either kill you, or bugger you up the back side." Not wanting to die the hunter elects to go for the second choice.

The next season the hunter decides to go hunting for bears again.This time he sees a brown bear that looks familiar and shoots it. Again there is a tap on his shoulder. This time there is a grizzly standing there. "You shot my friend" says the bear. "You have 2 choices. I either kill you, or I bugger you up the back side." Again, not wanting to die the hunter chooses the second option.

The next year the hunter goes to the same spot, and shoots a grizzly bear that looks familiar. Again there is a tap on his shoulder, and a polar bear is standing there. "You're not really here for the hunting, are you?" he asks.

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

They are some good ones guys. Thanks for the laughs.

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

I just laughed so hard at my desk that people from the office came over to see what I was laughing at. That is no laughing matter.

Great jokes.

Tom

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

A couple of successful hunters decide to have a road soda before heading home from camp. Soon they see blue lightsbehind them. The driver says," quick, take the label off the bottle and stick it on your forehead." The cop pokes his head in the window and sees the two with beer labels on their foreheads. He says,"have you boys been drinkin?" The driver replies,"nope, we're on the patch!"

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

That's my favorite right there...

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

Atsa chuckler

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

OMG im laughing so hard im crying Zak, and illiniosthose are hilarious

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

The hunting camp welcomed in the newbie with the usual tradition of poker, beer, wild turkey, chile and cigars on the first night of camp. The next morning they all head out for the hunt. After being out for awhile the newbie begins to feel the affects of the previous night, so he props himself up against a tree and drops his drawers to do his business. The newbie passes out in this position. The other hunters return to camp with their kill and soon began to worry about the new guy. They search the woods and find the newbie propped up against the tree passed out. Seeing that he is ok, one of the hunters places a pile of guts from their kill under the newbie and sneek back to camp. A little while later the newbie comes waddling back into camp with the most perplexed look upon his face. The other hunters ask him if he is OK. The newbie replies that he thinks he crapped his guts out. The hunters ask him if there is anything that they can do for him. He say no. "With the grace of God and asmall stickI managed to cram the back in!!"

RE: Cops vs Hunters
 

i dont care who u are that funny right there,,,great jokes yall,,always looking for a good laugh,,which yall provided,,well done,,and good hunting;)