I have already shot a bigfoot. He wasn't fully "dispatched" when I reached him and on his dying breath he asked me to take care of his family. So there ARE MORE! But I promised him on his death bed (of pine needles) that I would take care of them. I am sorry, but I cannot reveal any more information regarding this matter. Please don't ask questions or attempt any further investigation, as those attempts would be futile. I was apprehended by agents of a government authority (I don't know exactly which agency as they were quite secretive, all wearing black suits, ties and dark sunglasses and all). These agents took me on some sort of aircraft to a place they kept calling "51", where I was debriefed and thoroughly brainwashed of all aspects of this matter, for "my own safety" they said.
Then they let me go with just a metric compass and I had to walk home with only two peanut butter samwiches, a bottle of flat diet coke and a six pack of (GET THIS!) warm, skunked Blatz beer as a reminder of what would happen the "next time" as punishment. (These guys are really serious! Warm beer?!?!?!?!)

Anyway, you didn't hear any of this from me.

Uncle Matt (in IL)