Being you haven' t killed anything this small in the past 4 years and you watched him for a long period of time, you may have lost some of the emotion of the hunt or just talked yourself into needed some meat for the table - dropping your standards and feeling some what ashamed or upset by doing so. However don' t fret or be ashamed you accomplished the goal of filling the freezer with great eats. I am sure it will pass and it is probably something you can learn for future hunts and years. This how many adopt standards and set goals by experiences in the field.