I agree with going to a shop and handling a few along with your wife. I prefer the 40 S&W myself over the 9mm(and the .45 ACP is even better). But the 40 may be a bit much for your wife to handle. Also what do you want it for? Occasional shooting and home defense or everyday carry. Glocks are OK but again my personal choice is the Smith and Wesson M&P line. I have an M&P40 in both the full size and the compact versions. Both are reliable and accurate.