NEWS FLASH !!!

............. Local Man Twarts Citrus Attack .............

Cayuga, WI/16 March 2010: In a cool headed display of skill and courage, local resident Dave "Cayugad" Anderson fought off an attack of enraged grapefruit near his home in the Chequamegon-Nicolet National Forest today. Anderson was peacefully enjoying a target shooting session with a flintlock rifle when the pack of the bitter rinded yellow terrors appeared from a snowbank. "It was a chilling sight" Anderson said, "I was quite surprised". Relying on his knowledge of citrus anatomy and on the ability of his antiquated firearm, Anderson was able to dispatch every member of the pack that exposed itself. "There may be more hidden in those snowbanks" he said, "but I'll be ready for them". Officials are considering whether local schools should be closed until until the degree of threat posed by frozen grapefruit can be assessed. However, most residents feel that measure is unnecessary.