Hi, I Can understand your torment I suffer from P.T.S.D old war wounds as they say and I know that the gremlins hop into the old scull when they see a slight opening which feels like all the time. But as they say the light at the end of the tunnel for you is that you recognise the problem that you have so you will be able to deal with it. you are a hunter and if there is one thing a hunter has is patience and an understanding of his or her prey so what I do and it is by no means easy I treat my symtom as I would on a hunt I do not fight it but try to understand it and therefore become the hunter once again instead of the hunted. I am not going to patrinise you by saying all will be well and you will see the light, what I am trying to say is that use it to your advantage and focus on who you want to be and then visulise that person in front of you then step into that picture and leave the crap behind. Now this takes a bit of pratice but it does work and through time you get better at it and can focus only on the good things in your life and bin the negative. I do hope you understand what I am trying to say but speaking from Scotland it may be lost in translation some where, ( little joke there I know it is bad but it is 04:13 over here) anyway keep sucking the air and enjoy the countryside that is your door to escape into. Regards The Black Maguire