Greensburg Louisiana/27 Dec 2009: A one hundred pound four and a half year old whitetail doe was found dead today just three miles North of town.

Members of a semi-secret organization known as the "St. Helena Parish Honey Hole Hunting Club" report hearing an unusual noise at 8:12 a.m. "It sounded like an explosion" said one of the members who refused to identify himself. After hearing the unexplained noise several of the organization's members conducted a search which continued for almost an hour before the body was found.

A member of the elite Greensburg Crime Scene Investigations unit reports that the doe was apparently struck while peacefully browsing French Mulberry. "There's no doubt the intent was to kill" said one investigator, "she suffered massive trauma to the chest wall caused by a projectile that entered her left side, destroyed both lungs, and exited her right side". There was clear evidence that the attack was launched from 65 yards away.

Though the perpetrator has not been identified, an unnamed source reports that a .45 caliber Thompson Center Renegade has been known to frequent the area of the attack and is being sought as a "unit of interest". In a statement to authorities, the Renegade's frequent companion - a man know only as Semisane - said "I just knew there was going to be trouble the day she started wearing that scope. 'That's just sinful' I said, 'sidelocks got no business wearing fancy glass like that'. But she didn't pay me no nevermind."

Semisane said the Renegade was fond of using 85 grains of GOEX FFFg powder to launch .40 caliber 200 grain Hornady XTPs wrapped in Harvester H4540 sabots. "I seen her punch an awful lot of paper with those things" he said, "but she ain't never flung them at a living creature before".

In keeping with his personal beliefs and past practices, Semisane has volunteered to care for the victim's remains and will be holding traditional services with family members in attendance.

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