first off i should say that almost every bowhunter has fealt what you are feeling now. If you bowhunt long enough you are goin to lose a few along the way-thats reality. Anyone who says they have never lost a deer has not shot at too many. You did everything you could to recover the animal-thats all you can do. The sleepless nights,nausea and constant replaying of the scenario over and over again is something we have all dealt with at some time and will unfortunately probably will again. Whats important now is not to give up because of a bad experience. A good hunter takes failure and turns it into determination and fuels the fire to go back out. As far as the hit goes-a high hit is usually alost cause. There is that dead space between the top of the lungs and bottom of the spine which i refer to as no mans land. When i first started bowhunting i lost several deer to high hits. I didnt know or have anyone to tell me i needed to aim low sometimes. (valuable lesson learned). The bright side is your deer is probably still alive. That high hit does not hit anything vital and the deer should be fine. They are an incredibly tough animal. Ive butchered hunters deer for 17yrs and have found countless broadheads stuck in spines and shoulders, birdshot, 22 rounds in rear ends and the deer had healed up and go on like nothing happened. If you searched as long and as hard as you say i would say imo that deer is still alive. definitely wiser and smarter. I would probably suggest moving to another spot as he might take a while before he goes back there again. Then again i know guys that wounded bucks one day and shot them a day or two later in the same spot. They are totally unpredictable. Dont give up and get back out there and kill that buck. This all will just make for a better story when you do get him. Good luck!!