Beer Jokes -


Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested
that men should take a look at their beer consumption,
considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed
the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that
drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding,
100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed
that 100% of the men gained
weight, talked excessively without making sense,
became overly emotional, couldn' t drive, failed to think
rationally, argued over nothing, and
refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is
planned. (Sorry Ladies)


A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing
time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb,
and fumble for his keys for five minutes.

When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes
to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else
leaves the bar and drives off.


When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him,
pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test
shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.


The cop says, ' How is this possible?' The guy says,' Tonight
I' m the designated decoy.'


The 5 Stages of Drunkeness-
Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert
on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know
everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who
will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of
course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This
makes for an interesting argument when both parties are
SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you are
the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people
fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they
fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that
you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any
subject under the sun.


Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest
person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar
because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind
the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of
course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your
bets. It doesn' t matter how much you bet ' cos you are RICH.
You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because
now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.


Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with
anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been
betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At
this point you can also go up to the partners of the people
who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You
have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you
are RICH and hell, you' re BETTER LOOKING than they are
anyway!


Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness.
At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE
YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy
because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you.
You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you.
You can walk through the street singing at the top of your
lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you' re
still SMART you know all the words.[:-]