ORIGINAL: 2 Lunger
It was funny clear up until the point of you saying he was drunk! Sorry, we save that for the camp fire. But texting you to look at field "B" and you turn around and he is taking a "heater" is freaking hilarious!
I don't care how drunk he might have been. I've had my share of drunken moments but the thought of crapping in front of my buddy has NEVER crossed my mind. Sounds like your buddy is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, IMO. BTW...he would have gotten more than a charlie horse.