ORIGINAL: GMMAT
"As the hours past and the mercury fell my fingers could no longer detect the tips of my gloves. I clenched and opened my hands to get the blood flowing, butby the time it reached my extremeties it had lost all of its warmth. The moisture condensing on my face mask caused a loss of sensation in my chin and nose. I could hear mychin whiskers scraping on the cloth of my mask, but could not feel its friction. After pouring some coffee the pin pricks in my finger tips let me know that the caffenated nectar was doing its job and was like a burst of warming sun flowing to my corewith each sip."
WAY too much hypebole, for my tastes.....
Tell me it was so cold your toes were aching....and I can relate. When you tell me your spit was freezing in the corner of your mouth....I can relate. Tell me that the thought of holding thatwarm coffeein your cup just made you feel better......whether you were drinking it or not.....and I can relate.
I'm a good 'ol country boy hunter. "Core", "detect", "nectar", etc.....lose me REALLY quickly.
Just my .02
Anything more than "a", "and", & "the" loses you pretty quick Jeff.
Admittedly I was pouring it on pretty thick there, but I wanted to show him that when writing a story, whether a short story or novel, SHOWING is more important than TELLING. Besides, I came up with that in about 30 seconds.
