ORIGINAL: GMMAT
but instead of picking out the writers errors, i was asking for what people thought of the story? i can add and change things as i go but, i want a critique on what my story is like: please respond!
I'll tell you the same thing now that I told you then (when you sought advice the first time).
Clean up your grammatical mistakes....and I'll give it an honest read/critique. NOBODY likes to fight through a story to understand it....and proper grammar can make OR break a good story. It's true in written AND spoken word.
x2 I read it, it is an enjoyable story. But without the cleaned up grammar and formatting it is hard to give a true critique. I see a lot of papers every semester from students that I tutor, and that is the first thing I'll tell them as well - take it to the writing center at school, have them help you clean it up and organize the thoughts a bit better possibly, and then I'll read it. Normally the students that do this have a better paper than those who just had a buddy or two "proofread" their paper.