ORIGINAL: quiksilver

I was out last night patrolling one of our state gamelands properties. We had reason to believe that there were some trespassers entering via a parking lot on the eastern edge, along an unsecured roadway. This particular property is owned by the Pennsylvania Game Commission, from whom I secured exclusive permission. In an effort to thwart this ongoing trespass and tortious interference with my sponsors' hunts, we posted the area in a legally-effective manner, and erected a fence along all sides bounded by private land (to protect our deer herd from neighboring poachers).

At approximately 0100 hours this morning, my surveillance team detected a trespasser disguised as a civilian commuter. The civilian was pulled off the roadway, and stated that he had a flat tire. He even went so far as to deflate his tire so as to appear to be flat. We know a guy who knows this guy, and he is a well-known poacher and trespasser, so my team detained him for inquiry. My friend was a 3-time special-ops tire technician in Vietnam, and indicated in his field notes that the tire was indeed flat.

Utilizing chinese water torture and tearing out his toenails one-at-a-time, we elicited a signed confession from the individual, who is currently tied up in my friend's basement. He confessed that he was pulled-off the roadway with a flat tire. Just putting 1+1 together, my team has determined that he is, in fact, a poacher, and was attempting to steal our gear.

I did 9 tours in Iraq, and all I want to do is come home and hunt these gamelands in peace. I just hate having to deal with these wretched civilians always trying to sneak in and steal our gear.

I have issued a "shoot on sight order" to my security team, concerning any/all trespassers on state game lands.