These aren't going to be so much as stories, but short failures of mine. I will call them "The Hooker Failures".

Hooker Shoots Self With BB Gun: I was given my first BB gun when I was 7. Intrigued by the incredible power that my parents had bestowed on me, I wanted to see what the BB could penetrate. So, being the brilliant mind that I was, I placed a coke can in my hand, then placed the barrel of the BB gun against the coke can, directly opposite of my hand. I pulled the trigger. To this day, I still have that BB stuck in my hand.

Hooker Rides A Bull: When I was about 10, I went through a cowboy phase, and since cowboys rode bulls in the rodeo, I thought I had to ride bulls in the rodeo. So one very cold November night, my Dad and Mom reluctantly drove me to the local rodeo arena for one of the weekly bull rides. Now, much to my dismay, since I was only 10, I could not ride the big bulls. I had to ride steer. I thought I was much too big to ride a steer, but alas, I rode; for a whopping 1.2 seconds. When I was gracefully thrown from the raging steer, I paniced and ran for the gate. In this panic, I tripped over some dirt, and hit my head on the gate, knocking me unconscience. I was then carried out of the arena by the clown. I hate clowns. When I awoke from my unconscienceness, I was became deathly afraid of this clown carrying with this giant fake smile on his face. I immediately began screaming for my mom. I wasn't a very brave child.

Hooker's First Date: At the age of 16, I was not yet blessed with the charm I possess now. I was quite awkward around the ladies. However, I was still blessed with unbelievable good looks, therefore, the girls still loved me, despite my social shortcomings. One particular girl became infatuated with me. She was a tall, skinny, blonde named Michelle. She wasn't what I would call a "first string" girl of mine, more like "third string". Anyways, having just received the keys to a 4x4 Toyota, I was eager to embark on the "real" dating world. So I stuttered something along the lines of "you wanna chill this weekend?" to Michelle (I know, I can't believe I once talked like that either.). Michelle gleefully replied "Of course!" So the date was set. We were to go out with another "couple" (both of which I hated) to see "Save the Last Dance". After suffering through that god awful movie, it was time to bring Michelle home safely. And I do mean safely because the last words her father said to me as we were walking out the door was "don't hit a tree and kill my daughter." As I was driving Michelle home, I could sense Michelle staring at me. I was quite befundled by this. As I was contemplating in my head what her stare could mean, she leans over and starts kissing me. I freaked. I did not freak because kissing was new to me, I freaked because not only was kissing while driving 75 mph new to me, but just basic driving was somewhat new to me. Somehow during this freak out, my truck became stuck in a ditch and since I was brand new to this whole driving thing, I did not know how to put my truck in 4-wheel drive. Therefore, I made her push (I know, I'm smooth). After a herculean effort on her part, we became unstuck, only now she was covered in mud. Surprisingly enough, Michelle agreed to accompany me on a few more dates, but I soon became bored of her and moved on to the next conquest.