RE: 20 gauge too big?
Funny storey about a .410 and how it was the worst shoulder busting I've had before or since . The gun was just plain to short for me and in the heat of a rabbit hunt I swung it around a bout an inch or so off my shoulder in a tee shirt . BAM black and blue from my collar bones to at least my arm pit .
I would suggest that a 20 would be an excelent choice .
My kids all started off with a 20at the range but hunted with 12s all along . they are of slight build my youngest is the brute at 5'7" 135 his "big " sister whom hunted alot untill joining the Navy is 5'10" and just 135 the oldest of the bunch6'2" 155 .
the deal is just to pick your loads wisely and don't jump into the uber mags .I've killed geese just fine at 40 yards with a 1oz 2 3/4 inch shell and is all I shoot these days .