Hey mxwarrior, you best make that girl yours as quick as you can, otherwise some toothless douche will move in on your action, then you're polishing your gun alone...and I aint talking your hunting rifle.


As for taking your GF hunting, here's the rules:

1- Pick A or B,
A- you leave your weapon at home b/c there is no way you'll see anything with all the noise she'll make, and then if you did kill something she'll be upset.
B- you pick a skinny-ass GF b/c if you wanna see any game you're gonna hafta carry her ass out there b/c she cant pick up her feet & walk quietly.

2- Bring a copy of Cosmo, and her IPOD!!!!! Sure she'll be turning the pages loud, and have her headphones so loud your neighbor thinks you're having a party, it'll occupy her for a little while.

3- Bundle her ass up in all your warmest gear, ...then bring a blanket anyway. It doesn't matter how warm it is, she'll be cold...and there is nothing worse than your GF cold and bored in the woods. AND, no matter how ridiculous she looks you tell her she looks beautiful and no deer will see her at all...(refrain from laughing)

4- The only thing worse than her being cold and bored in the woods is her also being hungry. Bring her CHOCOLATE!!! That's important, snickers, M & M's, cookies, etc. Let her stuff her face and get her ass nice and fat, she'll be quiet. And besides, it isn't necessary to carry her out of the woods too.

5- Be prepared to do something with her that she chooses now, most likely with little warning and when you want to go hunt. Too damn bad b/c she did "something you wanted to do." (whine, whine)

6- In a treestand be sure to harness her in, if she falls outta that tree your done!! Doesn't matter if it's her fault or not, you get blamed. She won't sit still for more than a few seconds, and when one ass-cheek goes numb, she's gonna get up.

7- Wear your sneakers, you'll most likely be walking in and out of the woods longer than you'll be sitting in them. As soon as that fresh air hits her lungs,...she's gotta pee...and she aint doing it anywhere near you just to make it quick, so forget about just bringing some TP.

8- Despite your ruined day, don't take it out on her. Tell her the deer just weren't moving today...even though she spooked about 20 without seeing them. Don't blame her or you're sleeping on the couch.

9- When there is no meat on the table that night, you take her to dinner or order a pizza., Again, it's not her fault. (wink, wink)

10- If she persists in wanting to go with you, break your two-man treestand, or move it, take it down, whatever you've got to do. And if that doesn't work, next time she comes out hunting,when she asks you what you think about all day in the woods, ...tell her that you think her sister has a nice rack. She might leave you but now you can hunt alone again. LOL

Feel free to add any more that I may have missed.

**Disclaimer: For the love of god don't follow these rules!**