I'd lose the word "killing", instead use taking or harvesting when talking about getting your deer. Otherwise thats not too bad. The other things I would suggest is to touch only briefly about the liability thing, my reason being is that you and your buddy are younger guys and if you have an older farmer he may read that liability thing and think "trouble maker", even though you may not be. Also, I don't know what kind of outdoor experience you guys have, but if you were eer involved in Scouting, you might want to mention it. Most people look better at us youngins' when you say "oh ya and I'm an Eagle Scout too" (I am so I can say it ) Good luck on gettin some land!