Dirt2

Man, I feel really bad for you. I guess I feel your pain alittle, having read through all your posts on this thread. I feel doubly bad 'cause I think I may have contributed to your malaise just a little bit earlier this year during bow season. I had a relatively (I must stress relatively) unsatisfying elk hunt this year, and I vented a little with you all on here in September.

We all filter things like this through our personal experience, and mine is almost the opposite of the usual pattern. I hunted, with almost zero success, as a teenager, then quit hunting for a ten year spell in my 20s and early 30s. During that time, I still backpacked, especially in September when the elk were bugling. I just never got much joy out of hunting as a kid. Our family situation bred such a competitive, negative mindset that it was tough to enjoy. I went hunting basically wondering how I was going to fail on this day.

I came back to hunting in my early 30s, eight years ago, and man what a revelation! I hunt now for the sheer joy of being out there, for meat, and for trophies if I get that lucky.

I think that the key lies somewhere in the realm of expectations. I don't think you can continue any pursuit indefinitely with a large disconnect between expectations and results. You sound like your expectations are for solitude, and obviously, the B-root ain't providing much of that these days. Basically, I think the more you can just go out there and exist, take it for what it is without trying to force the experience into some cookie-cutter mold, then you can take joy out of being out there. Let it be what it will be.

I'm just blathering on, trying to encourage you to work it out on whatever terms you can to keep that love alive. I think the tradition is important to maintain in this artificial world we live in now.

I really feel for you and wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.