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RE: Stories
AH and HG98, priceless!!
Moral of the stories folks- If you visit a place for vacation, it's NOT YOURS! |
RE: Stories
HG89 needs to tell the story about her in the woods with the mad bear around :D
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RE: Stories
ORIGINAL: Hooker ORIGINAL: AlbertianHuntress Hooker, I choose not to believe the fact that you don't have one good story to tell. Think really hard! And, since this is a very PG place, I'm going to refrain from posting any of my college stories. Also, thinking really hard makes my head hurt. I prefer my head to be hurt free. But, alas, I will try to think of some fun stories for you kiddies later. |
RE: Stories
These aren't going to be so much as stories, but short failures of mine. I will call them "The Hooker Failures".
Hooker Shoots Self With BB Gun: I was given my first BB gun when I was 7. Intrigued by the incredible power that my parents had bestowed on me, I wanted to see what the BB could penetrate. So, being the brilliant mind that I was, I placed a coke can in my hand, then placed the barrel of the BB gun against the coke can, directly opposite of my hand. I pulled the trigger. To this day, I still have that BB stuck in my hand. Hooker Rides A Bull: When I was about 10, I went through a cowboy phase, and since cowboys rode bulls in the rodeo, I thought I had to ride bulls in the rodeo. So one very cold November night, my Dad and Mom reluctantly drove me to the local rodeo arena for one of the weekly bull rides. Now, much to my dismay, since I was only 10, I could not ride the big bulls. I had to ride steer. I thought I was much too big to ride a steer, but alas, I rode; for a whopping 1.2 seconds. When I was gracefully thrown from the raging steer, I paniced and ran for the gate. In this panic, I tripped over some dirt, and hit my head on the gate, knocking me unconscience. I was then carried out of the arena by the clown. I hate clowns. When I awoke from my unconscienceness, I was became deathly afraid of this clown carrying with this giant fake smile on his face. I immediately began screaming for my mom. I wasn't a very brave child. Hooker's First Date: At the age of 16, I was not yet blessed with the charm I possess now. I was quite awkward around the ladies. However, I was still blessed with unbelievable good looks, therefore, the girls still loved me, despite my social shortcomings. One particular girl became infatuated with me. She was a tall, skinny, blonde named Michelle. She wasn't what I would call a "first string" girl of mine, more like "third string". Anyways, having just received the keys to a 4x4 Toyota, I was eager to embark on the "real" dating world. So I stuttered something along the lines of "you wanna chill this weekend?" to Michelle (I know, I can't believe I once talked like that either.). Michelle gleefully replied "Of course!" So the date was set. We were to go out with another "couple" (both of which I hated) to see "Save the Last Dance". After suffering through that god awful movie, it was time to bring Michelle home safely. And I do mean safely because the last words her father said to me as we were walking out the door was "don't hit a tree and kill my daughter." As I was driving Michelle home, I could sense Michelle staring at me. I was quite befundled by this. As I was contemplating in my head what her stare could mean, she leans over and starts kissing me. I freaked. I did not freak because kissing was new to me, I freaked because not only was kissing while driving 75 mph new to me, but just basic driving was somewhat new to me. Somehow during this freak out, my truck became stuck in a ditch and since I was brand new to this whole driving thing, I did not know how to put my truck in 4-wheel drive. Therefore, I made her push (I know, I'm smooth). After a herculean effort on her part, we became unstuck, only now she was covered in mud. Surprisingly enough, Michelle agreed to accompany me on a few more dates, but I soon became bored of her and moved on to the next conquest. |
RE: Stories
ROFL at the last one
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RE: Stories
There was a biker rally 11 miles from my house tonite. I didn't get done working till 6, and one of my buddies kids turned 1 today, so I went to his place for his kids party for a while, I had a few beers with him, and then decided it was time to go to the bike rally. I was 4 miles from my house and I meet a cop, the cop whips around, follows me for 2 miles, then flips on his cherries. I pulled over, and he walks up to my door and asks if I know why he pulled me over. I'm like No officer, I don't know why. He then informed me that my front license plate was missing and it is a state law to have one. So I played dumb and got out and looked (It got ripped off in a corn stalk field last fall). Then when I am diggin for my license/registration/proof insurance, he asks me if I'm military. I'm like no officer, why? He's like I don't see many guys with guns like that, and points to my AR15 on the seat. And you have a buzz cut, and are built. So we get back to his car, after I failed to find my current registration card/insurance. And he runs me thru the system, it comes back that I was insured/licensed. He hands me my expired registration, and license and says "if I see you again tonite I'll pull you over and give you a sobriety check, now go have fun and don't be driving."
I get back in my truck and drive to town. I had 4 beers in about a 5 hour period at my buddies kids bday party. I luckily got pulled over by the nicest cop I've ever met, and I believe he got a kick out of me. I am the worlds best BS'er. :D Then at the street dance/bike rally, he comes in and walks up to me, and says "I'm glad to see you aren't drinking, so we Bs'ed some more, and I'm like I'm going home now officer." He says drive safe, and have a good day of fishing tomorrow." :D:D |
RE: Stories
The Biker Ralley just reminded me of a story.
Me and my brother-in-law got back from a men's retreat my church puts on, we went shooting during the retreat so well i am bring the guns inside to a safe my mom is decideing which one she wants in her room for home-defense. well she is standing with a .38special and .44 we hear hrleys comeing down the main road, me and my brother-in-law walk out to see whats going on and my mom decides to follow us. I live in the middle of town, and within 1/16 of a mile from the police station, but my mom being to entranced by the prospect of seeing soo many harleys walks to the end of my street with a pistalin each hand. we watched the bikers for awhile, it was a Hell's Angels ride, my mom starts talking to a biker who walked to the end of our street, after a while of talking he's just says "Ma'am, those are some f my friends out there, just be mindfull of whic ones you shoot." my mom was very safe with the guns but the look on her face showed that she almost completey forgot they were there and she decided to go back to the house and put them away. my brother-in-law are just standing there cracking up the whole time |
RE: Stories
ORIGINAL: Hooker Hooker's First Date: At the age of 16, I was not yet blessed with the charm I possess now. I was quite awkward around the ladies. However, I was still blessed with unbelievable good looks, therefore, the girls still loved me, despite my social shortcomings. One particular girl became infatuated with me. She was a tall, skinny, blonde named Michelle. She wasn't what I would call a "first string" girl of mine, more like "third string". Anyways, having just received the keys to a 4x4 Toyota, I was eager to embark on the "real" dating world. So I stuttered something along the lines of "you wanna chill this weekend?" to Michelle (I know, I can't believe I once talked like that either.). Michelle gleefully replied "Of course!" So the date was set. We were to go out with another "couple" (both of which I hated) to see "Save the Last Dance". After suffering through that god awful movie, it was time to bring Michelle home safely. And I do mean safely because the last words her father said to me as we were walking out the door was "don't hit a tree and kill my daughter." As I was driving Michelle home, I could sense Michelle staring at me. I was quite befundled by this. As I was contemplating in my head what her stare could mean, she leans over and starts kissing me. I freaked. I did not freak because kissing was new to me, I freaked because not only was kissing while driving 75 mph new to me, but just basic driving was somewhat new to me. Somehow during this freak out, my truck became stuck in a ditch and since I was brand new to this whole driving thing, I did not know how to put my truck in 4-wheel drive. Therefore, I made her push (I know, I'm smooth). After a herculean effort on her part, we became unstuck, only now she was covered in mud. Surprisingly enough, Michelle agreed to accompany me on a few more dates, but I soon became bored of her and moved on to the next conquest. |
RE: Stories
i have a story......
..........i went down stairs to get a glass of cider, stepped on a bedbug ...i thought it was a spider, i picked up a club, i didnt say a word......i knocked that bedbug flatter 'n a turd..... THE END |
RE: Stories
ORIGINAL: skybuster20ga i have a story...... ..........i went down stairs to get a glass of cider, stepped on a bedbug ...i thought it was a spider, i picked up a club, i didnt say a word......i knocked that bedbug flatter 'n a turd..... THE END |
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