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amazing flying bowhunter...

Old 12-20-2003, 07:35 AM
  #1  
Nontypical Buck
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Default amazing flying bowhunter...

this happened a few years back....

It was a nice crisp fall morning. as i headed to my stand in the pre-dawn darkness visions of big bucks passed through my mind. the stand was a homemade jobber, nestled in the crotch of an old hickory tree about 15 feet off the ground. i was pretty excited about hunting it today, it just felt good.
i climbed my steps and hoisted my big as$ up onto the platform. fanny pack goes on this hook, quiver on that hook, nocked an arrow and hung the bow on the hanger. it's still dark out, and i heard a wierd noise. it was faint, and i kinda blew it off. i was pretty beat from working the night before, and since i had a safety belt on i felt comfortable enough to close my eyes, just till the sun started its trip up, you know?

well, just as the sun started warming my face i heard the wierd noise again. sounded like a big red squirrell, kinda chittery. i was leaned back against the tree, head tilted back. i open my eyes ( looking up) just in time to see a SERIOUSLY p-o'd raccoon sliding down the tree head first at me. you can almost guess what happened next.
Being the big, tough woodsman that i am, i did what you'd expect. yep, i screamed like a little girl who lost her barbie. this did nothing but further enrage the 'coon, apparently, because he picked up speed. without thinking, i jump..
keep in mind that back then we didnt have fancy "body harneses'. ". Nope. my safety belt was about 6 feet of cotton rope cinched around my waist. do you know what it feels like to get hit with Tysons best shot in the guts? I DO.
So here we are. Me, wind knocked out, dangling 9 feet off the ground like a bloated Italian Pinata. Racoon, sitting on my platform, still pretty mad that this screaming (i got my wind back) human is disrupting his day. Still thinking like a champ here, i whip out my Western blade and free myself. Free myself for a quick trip to a stone-wall fence face-first. Ok , that sucked but I AM ALIVE!
I "regroup" on the ground for a while...
now, i kinda need my bow. the 'coon, however has other ideas. he is eyeballing me, daring me to come get it. i throw rocks and sticks, but he is not affected. He is super -coon! i'm yelling, whistleing (not too well, remember the smashed diapragm) to no avail.
after 2 hours of this i figure he's not coming out while i'm there, (maybe never for that matter) so i'm going to go home and come back for my gear later. Just before i crest the ridge i looked back and all i could see were his beady little coon -eyes, watching me go. Now , i dont have to tell you what happened on the way back to the truck. yep, a nice little buck , 2 does and a fawn all watched me walk by, bowless. He was only a forkhorn but would have done just fine. i briefly debated hucking my knife at him but decided to cut my losses and go home.
I returned several hours later, hopped up on painkillers and limping like a pirate with a peg leg to collect my gear. I CAREFULLY scanned my tree, the satanic coon nowhere in sight. Slowly (i was hurt, had no choice in the speed dept), i climbed to my platform. there, neatly deposited on my hot-seat was a big pile of berry and crayfish-filled racoon excrement. As i gathered up my equipment i swear i heard that rotten racoon gleefully chittering from a few trees over. I got all my stuff except for the hot-seat. That , apparently, was now his. and so was the tree. i never had the nerve to climb into it in the dark again.

true story.
merry chrismas!
moose
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Old 12-20-2003, 09:29 AM
  #2  
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

lol. lol. lmao. the funniest story i think i have EVER heard on this board. i heard a story like this up in maine.

This guide, alex, likes to mess with people. so the one hunter got alex in a practical joke. so alex told him that he would get the guy back. so the guy goes to his stand and there is mud ALL over the stand and the platform. so the guy was like "OK, alex got me back." and so he tried to clean it off a bit and sat for the afternoon. he had some twigs fall onto him (this is a cedar tree) and he looks up, and about 10 feet above his head, is a BEAR!!! so he goes "o ****" and shoots up the tree and the bear falls out almost knocking him outta the stand. that had to be scary. it was only a 150 pound bear, but still. BTW-the mud was a mixture of mud and ummm....... bear poop.
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Old 12-20-2003, 02:37 PM
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

lol, that bear musta scared the heck outta him! i wouldnt want to get hit with 150lbs of anything, let a lone a bear!
-moose
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Old 12-21-2003, 04:13 PM
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

did i mention the racoon wieghed 210lbs and scored 243 16/45ths B&C??
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Old 12-22-2003, 06:37 AM
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

Wheres a video camera when you need one?
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Old 12-22-2003, 06:46 AM
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

that ia a good story,ever see him again
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Old 12-22-2003, 06:57 AM
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

True or false still freakin funny!
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Old 12-22-2003, 04:17 PM
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

that qualified for the "Jimbo: "My God Children, It's coming right for us" shot. [&:]
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Old 12-22-2003, 06:01 PM
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

i don't care who you are, that's funny right there
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Old 12-22-2003, 09:31 PM
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Default RE: amazing flying bowhunter...

I need some proof Moosey boy! !
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