Hard decisions
 

Well guys/girls just wanted to say hey and some of you guys may know me from the previous name Down & Out Hunting. This year was a great year for me as i killed my biggest buck to date and we layed down alot of great footage (we recently started to film our hunts). Well today i was faced with probably one of the worst decisions a man who loves to hunt has to face. My fiance came home from work (she is a Physicians Assistant) and she got a job offer to move to Chicago to make more money. Well this would mean i would have to leave me and my families farm behind. (we farm around 6000 acres or corn and soybeans) I really wont have much of an opportunity to hunt, i also work a full time job in Ag. retail as a salesman and i wouldn't be able to work because theres not much Ag. in the city and im just not a city kind of person. I have tried talking to her about it and she can't pass up the kind of money that she is being offered but on the other hand im leaving everything i love and know behind. If anyone of you guys/girls have any advice to throw my way i would very much appreciate it.

Well she sounds a bit self centered. (should fit in well in Chicago, believe me).

Yeah she has a job offer but let me tell you. My wife in a nurse, my SIL is a nurse, my aunt is a nurse and they all work here in Chicagoland. Every year there are whole new flocks of fresh nurses (and Dr Assts) coming out of the schools around here.

There is always the chance that whatever job you take doesn't pan out to be what you expect - I hear the talking often enough. So she may come up here or drag you up here and that "can't pass it up job" may not even work out. Then you (she) winds up going here and there looking for something that feels right.

I assume you are both working now (where are you at anyway?) so what is so bad about that? Is where she's at now so bad? I assume you are younger and then there should be moving up and advancement where you currently are, am I right?

The cost of things in Chicago is ridiculous! Some of the highest taxes anywhere. Parking on the streets is ALL metered - basically EVERYWHERE, and it is $5.00 and hour payable by quarters or credit card only at little pay box machines on each block. Everything costs more, more, more. Food, gas, insurance, housing. You will think they have a big, unfair tax on EVERYTHING and then they go ahead and raise taxes and tax things never taxed before. It is all f'ed up in Chicago!!! So much cronyism, crooked deals, TRAFFIC!, TRAFFIC! & TRAFFIC! plus there is TRAFFIC! It is VERY DIFFERENT driving than probobly where you are at. People around here are idiots on cellphones and each and everyone of them is more important than anyone else.

My advice? I have lived my entire 46 years here in the SW suburbs and work and drive in the city alot. People are fleeing Chicago (and IL to a lesser extent) in record numbers.

For your own sanity, health and mental well-being.............

DO NOT COME TO CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Might want to consider letting her go ahead to this great dream job she has been offered and try it for a year or so and if it looks OK to her maybe you can join. Probobly do your relationship good to put it to the strength test.

Well
 

If it were me .....
I,d move so of course she would be making some very good money as you stated .
Soooo .,,,,,,, I f your a saleman by trade I,m sure you could find a part time postion, maybe one that would require a little traveling ????
Keep the family farm and stil be able to come back home to hunt as you wish ..
Sounds good on paper, But also sounds good to me ...
Good luck in your endeverse and in what ever you choose .
If hunting is your thing , you will find a way and or place to continue doing what you love to do most ,.,,,,,,

Let her try it out for 6 months or so and if she feels it's right you go see if you like it if you can't stand it there tell her if she really cares about you shell not put money in front of your happiness.

Just make time to hunt. Weekends,Holidays, Whenever you can. Sometimes we have to sacrifice a little for loves ones. Imagine would it be with out her? Is it worth it?

Let her go. You stay. If you go and leave behind what you truely love you may grow to resent her for that. And if your talking about having her as your bride it may not work out. I think your supposed to leave every light in the house on.

Oh, maybe you should know that I'm divorced because I love my job, and that I work all the time. I have also been told that I'm pretty selfish...... But I dont think so... As I see it I constantly give, give, give. lol

Thanks for the help guys..She likes the job shes at now but she wants to move on to bigger and better which i understand. But there are so many other places she could go that doesnt have the high cost of living and where i could get a job. I love my job i have now and she knows i really dont want to leave but we both agreed that if either one of us gets a transfer or a job offer we would both re-locate. Im not saying i dont want to move i just love the country lifestyle to much.

IMHO if you move to Chicago then you will never be happy. Let her move and try it out, she may change her mind. I would think physicans assistants could get good jobs in almost any town. I don't know how many are involved with the family farm, but if you leave what is the effect on the future of the farm. I hate to be harsh, but there are things more important than money, you might wind up with another girl that shares your passion for the outdoors like you do. Does Tiffany have a sister?

I gave up ***everything*** I had to be with the love of my life but you had better be sure she is the love of your life. Moving from a farm life to Chicago is going to be a major culture shock.

Your hunting may change, doesn't mean it will end,
You will just have to go further and less often,
I'll still have lots of lands to hunt, how far is pike cty from chicago?
Learn the state lands,
As for work? Chicago still is a commodities center, maybe can still find work in ag in chicago or nearby, wholesaler/distributor, national/int'l sales etc..
As for your guns, its chicago, don't forget to check regs to keep your guns legal.
Also, maybe as a compromise, as a place to live, look for suburbs closer in direction of statelands,she can commute 45mins-1hr or so, and can place you that much closer to hunting lands

You couldn't pay me enough to move to ****cago,gang infested trash of a city should be bulldozed to the ground and taken off the map.

pike county is a good ways away from chitcago.

Bigger is not always better and money is not everything. Let her go alone for a while and see how it works out. Go visit and stay when you can. Going to the city to visit is fun sometimes but Living in the city will suck.

Without trying to be offensive, this is something that you two should have worked out long before you got engaged. You knew before today that she was a PA and you knew before today what that entails. This discussion should have happened long before you proposed.

My own personal situation is very similar to yours, except our roles are reversed, I am the one with the "moving jobs", and she's the one who is forced to follow me around the country. I grew up on a large farm and ranch (10,000+ acre cattle operation and just under 10,000acres of crop ground), but I went to college, got a great job, and moved where the jobs took me. When I met my fiancee, within the first few months when things got serious, we sat down and had the discussion, "look, if I get a different job, we might have to move far away. If that works for you, then great, but if not, then this has been fun, but let's not waste any more time".

I miss living on the farm, and I miss walking out my back door, jumping on a colt and riding out across pastures with a rifle shooting every coyote I see. But I don't miss it more than I love my wife. Plus, the salary I'm making because of the job means I can provide a better life for my wife and kids than I could have if I stayed home on the farm. When the kids get school age, then I'll look for a different job where we can be closer to family and be out in a rural school. Also, the higher "city salary" has helped me buy more and more land "back home", which I rent out, that someday we can either retire on, or sell to buy land somewhere else to retire on.

For YOUR situation, My estimates (knowing a little about PA's and ag salesmen) is that 1) she's the majority bread-winner in the household 2) location will effect HER salary MUCH moreso than yours and 3) HER getting a good job early in life will open more doors for re-locating and higher salaries than keeping your ag sales job will. Not trying to be offensive, but those are the facts. Following her where her job takes her will mean a MUCH higher standard of living for your kids than staying on the farm.

In rural areas, jobs for PA's aren't widely available and usually mean lower pay for longer hours than the same job "in the city" would mean, and they'll be MUCH less impressive on the resume than the "big city" jobs. Despite your current opinion, there ARE rural areas around Chicago and there ARE Ag sales jobs around Chicago (coming from a guy working for a major ag seed producer "in the city").

A job isn't "forever". But when you asked her to marry you, you planned on HER being "forever". Moving to Chicago today and making a better salary for a while might give her leverage to demand better salaries later if you guys decide to move to a more rural area. Money might not be everything, but it DOES mean things like providing a better life for your spouse, or providing a better life for your children.

On the other hand, you might take this time to ask yourself why you wanted to marry her in the first place. Your post basically paints the picture that you either love hunting more than you love her and/or you are more afraid of leaving home than you love her. Either one of those alone kind of suggests that you made a mistake and were wrong about your own feelings. Or maybe you're just getting cold feet...

At the end of the day, my opinion is to change out of your skirt, put on your big boy pants, man up, and marry the girl you love and move with her to Chicago.

Good Post by Nomercy. Alot of good advice in there. That being said... I couldnt move to chicago. I've been there on a few mission trips. And, while I loved working there and helping ppl for a week or so, I CANT imagine living there. I wake up, step out onto my porch and see a pond and some fields. I cant imagine looking out to a full busy street. It'd be unhealthy for me I think
-jake

Easily the greatest city in the Midwest.

No its not that i dont love her and id give up hunting any day for the girl. But when your dad unexpectantly passes away and you and a younger brother are left a 6000 acre farm its hard to leave. My brother is 2 years younger than me and we run the farm now. (with help from an uncle and cousin) but they also have full time jobs and only help when time allows. So i think i stepped into the big boy boots a long time ago. We also talked about the moving situation long before my dad passed because for me to reach my life long goal of becoming a manager of an ag retail business it meant re-location but that was long before i had to take over our family farm. She had to work at the location she is at now for 2 years because they paid for her schooling. But when we talked about re-location we both agreed we would move somewhere where we could both find jobs easily. Ive never lived in the city or been around the city other than visiting the only thing im worried about is im not so sure its where i want to raise my kids and then the only life they know is city life and when we come back home to visit they absolutely hate the country life. I know where i came from and how i was raised that will never leave me but for me not being able to bring my kids up in the environment i was raised in could lead to them not wanting to come around as often when they are older. Im not the only one upset and stressed about this she is to, she doesnt want to move either and she has been driving herself crazy trying to find something different but times are tough and jobs are hard to come by. As of today my boss is working on me to get a transfer to a different location within our company.

Why does she even have to work? I've been married 21 years and my wife has never worked. Easy? Absolutely not! But absolutely worth it to us! She homeschools our children and keeps house while I earn our living. It just takes some prioritizing and knowing how to live within your means. Just another perspective......

well born2climb that is great for you but doesn't work for most people. And I have to say I commend you for doing that.

As for the subject in hand.. I have lived for 17 years in a village and grew up on a farm. My wife grew up here, anyways I hate it everyday. My family farm isn't but 20 minutes away and that is where I keep my beagles and elk.

2x a year me and the wife have it out (just so she knows how I feel, LOL) and then I put it on the back burner and go on. I tell her my next wife will have to sign a contract LOL, we get along great that way.

Anyways, you really have to figure out what YOU want to do. Right now you come first. YOU only have 1 shot at this life and it is up to you to make the most of it. Make a list of pro's and con's for you, thats not selfish when it is your life. I would hate to see someone else pissed off everyday. Good luck.

Hunter4Life43:Just a few thoughts: 1)moving to the city results in a higher wage, but also results in paying more income tax. 2)as mentioned by another forum member, higher property taxes, or if renting, the rent could be much higher. 3)being involved in a family farm plus working out takes a lot of time commitment. Are any of your family members able to buy your share out if you did decide to move? 4)is your partner forced to relocate due to down sizing? Sometimes the cost of relocating far out weighs the income going into your bank account. I was given a similiar option here in Canada several years back, and turned it down due to a much higher cost of living in the city. I was fortunate, that I was able to keep my same job with the company where I was working, not lose it because I was not willing to transfer, and sink myself into further debt. The best of luck in your choice.

Also when in chicago, try to look up local gun/archery clubs ranges,
It will give you a place to fire off some rounds, and maybe make friends with the local hunters, contrary to popular belief there are hunters even in the largest cities.
There may also be hunting grounds very close to the city,
Say within 1-2 hrs of the city

I say NO, don't do it! The reason I say this is because I made this decision 2 yrs ago, but not so extreme as you will. To make a long story short, I supported my home 100% for 10 yrs struggling some months to make my mortgage (union Carpenter), met my fiance for whom her and her kids inherited alot of money, enough to buy a 6000 sq ft. house with cash in a very well known community and life is alot easier but, my self esteem and ego has gone way down due to me not being a full provider! Although it has allowed me to follow a dream and invent a product that could change me and us. Farmland to gangland is another reason I say no. Anyhow I voiced my $.02!

"Farmland to gangland is another reason I say no. Anyhow I voiced my $.02!"

Thats what I was saying no amount of money is worth living in chicago it is ranked in the top 5 for murders in the U.S you have the most notorious gang in the world the latin kings,and rival gangs the crips,and the decipals,not a place you want to raise your children thats for sure granted most of the killing are gang members killing rival gang members but the ratio of people being killed from stray bullets is high and not uncommon in chicago,dont be dumb and stay in the country on your farm where you know you will live a long and peaceful life.