Questioning Myself in Regard to Son's Hunting Season... Any Advice?
 

Here's the deal, tell me if I'm being to harsh. :poke:

My son got his license last year but he didn't get to go hunting with Pappy because of his poor grades. I'm talking D's and E's. He was in 7th grade at the time. Well, after a month of Summer school <won't do that again> we are starting a new school year today and I told my son that if he doesn't get C's or higher <on his first 9 weeks> he will NOT go hunting. Pappy says what ever you say mom <me> and I say it's not up to me but up to him.

Now onto the controversy... My mom feels I'm wrong. She says that I'm taking something off of him because of the hypothetical "WHAT IF'S" like what if something happens to dad and he may never get that oppertunity again. I know life is full of what ifs and the like but I want my son to excel at school and I have not yet found the ticket to kick his ass in gear and get him motivated. I even bribed him the second 9 weeks last year that if he got A's, I'd pay him $50 for each one! $20 for B's and $10 for C's. That's pretty damn expensive! Never worked. :pcwhack: I have tried just about everything in between too. It's been an ongoing struggle for a long time now. Remember, he didn't get to go last year and was pretty P.O.'ed too.

Am I wrong to hold his hunting license above his head like a carrot on a stick above a jack-ass? Would any of you hunters with children not let your child go if they continually failed at their studies? OR would you let your child go even if they were failing aka taking my mom's side/view? Does it hurt the child long term to refuse them to go?

I know I'm the final decision maker on this touchy subject but I'm gonna pass the buck <no pun> and say he will be the difining factor on his hunting season this year. I really want him to go but is it right to take it all away from a child's stand-point?!!!!! :eek2:

Just trying to do my best for him. How do you feel about it? What would you do? UGH!

i feel there is other things going on in his life that this is not working for him or you.
What kind of kids is he hanging with? Look for signs of maybe drug experimenting
Is he having trouble fitting in with a group .Its a tough one to not let him hunt. I admire your conviction to discipline the child but this hold back hunting doesn't seem to be working. try something different. Why was Summer school a failure?

Summer school wasn't a failure to him. It's just that I don't want to repeat it next year, like using it as a consequence, if you fail this year, I'm not saving you next time. Tough love if you will.

There are no drugs involved. Believe me when I tell you that. The friends he has around here <our lil neighborhood> have good values but once he's at school, I can not monitor them as closely but I listen to his stories and if I don't like what I hear, I tell him, maybe it's not a good idea to hang with so&so. KWIM? He does not smoke nore does he sneak my beer.

My son has had major ear infections as a baby and small child. He finally seems to be getting over them. I've had him in S.E. classes to compinsate for him and he uses a FM unit to magnify the teacher's voices. He also has an IEP which is an Individual Education Plan specially for him. He's had this plan in place for a few years now.

He's lazy and he'll tell you so too. He has also said he feels he doesn't understand why he has to go to school and I tell him it prepares him for adulthood. You don't have an education, you don't get a good job... it goes hand in hand. I've covered the issues with his teachers, IEP leader, princpal and him on several occasions.

I'm just needing to know if I'm harming him by taking his young hunting experiences with my dad off of him. ???

It's hard. Ya know...

I'm 19 now so I can sort of relate to the teenage years still. I don't agree with you. Going hunting with dad is a learning/growth experience on its own that he should have. If you feel you have to punish him, you should do something else.

I can't really suggest any alternative punishments because my mom always whipped me when I crossed the line. No timeouts, grounding etc. Had I brought home grades like that, I would have gotten a very sore tail. Okay, for not so serious offenses I got a severe scolding. But maybe there's something else you can take away, like TV privileges, video games, whatever.


:sheep: Her mom was VERY loving and VERY strict

I would say that you first need to understand why he is having the problems at school. Is he capable of learning in a standard classroom environment? Is it his friends? Are you making him do his homework each day? Are you reviewing all his completed work and making him correct errors?

That being said, if the hunting is the premier father-son bonding time between you two, maybe instead of elminating that you should look for ways to get to know your son and understand what he is going through as you prepare and go on the hunt.

The last time I physically disaplined my son was when he got caught skipping school on the first day of deer hunting in the woods last year. AGH!

I don't like to break out the corpal punishment but I reserve the right for serious offenses ect... but to whoop him for bad grades... no. I won't and never have. Disapline is few and far between. I can promise you that.

Last year, he went for 9 solid weeks with nothing but his books and he still didn't do well. He cried, bitched and moaned the whole time.

I don't want to take his hunting away from him. I'm hoping he will excel this year...

I understand your opinions on the matter too DLG but this is an ongoing issue with him and when you have children, you'll understand more of what I'm going through when your time comes. I understand that hunting is everything to some but academics are important too.

He can't even get into sports at school because they follow academics. Poor grades = no sports and that's not me, that's the school.

I just hope I'm over reacting this year and ds proves me wrong. That would make me soooo happy!

Last year one of my grandsons started his first year of highschool. He has always made good grades, but for some reason his science grade dropped considerably and some of his other grades were off some. My daughter cut back his hunting with me, restrictions also. Turned out his eyesight required glasses and the science teacher was not a very good teacher and a lot of students had a problem with her. I don't think stopping all his hunting is the right thing to do. You need to remember that time with his grandfather is extremely important to his grandfather as well as your son. Lots of life's lessons can be learned with their time together.
Has he been evaluated for ADD or some other potential problems by a professional? I don't know the cure for the problem, but it doesn't seem that the route you are taking is working.

He wouldn't bring homework home. He said he did it in school. Kinda hard to get it when my work schedule kept me at work and the school closed. I'm on a different job this year so I could probly make adjustments as needed as far as homework goes and getting it to the kitchen table but if I can't, he should. He's 14 years old.

I believe he felt last year and years prior that school was like a big daycare center for him. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't.

He has an IEP so he does get one on one time throughout the day and some classes have two teachers to 20 kids.

On the work that he did bring home, I'd have to hold his hand and go through the books and point out what he needed. I'd say, here's a paragraph that may have the answer, let's read it and he'd get mad. He says that he doesn't have to do the homework cuz he can get most of his points from test BUT!!! he also gets graded on homework. Boy, you can't do the test if you don't get the info from the homework. He passed by the skin of his teeth with D's and E's :eek2: and was also reccommend to summer school.

Like I said before, I HOPE he does better this year! I can do my part, which I have, but he needs to do his part too.

Also wanted to add that he is well liked by all. Very compassionate and considerate of others. Very loving child! He's also has the best laugh. BTW, I'm his momma. :D

I really want him to go hunting. It's not that I want to take it away and hog my dad all to myself. My hubby doesn't hunt. I'm still trying to find what makes him tick...

I may be going at it all wrong though. I'm human, that's why I'm asking.

Dad says I'm doing the right thing for him and mom says I'm not.

When dad asked if he were going hunting this year, I said it wasn't up to me but it'd be up to him. He agreed with me.

I want to let him go. I really do!!! I want him to know what it's all about...

All I have to say is it's hard to be a parent. :poke: