nodose

one evening my buddy was walking out of the woods after an evening hunt. he had his treestand hanging on his shoulders w/backpack straps. he had quite a long way back to the truck and it was pretty dark. he said all of a sudden he heard something behind him. every time he would take a step whatever was behind him would take a step because he could hear the leave rustling. well he was getting kinda nervous because the faster he walked the louder it got and he just couldn't seem to get away from it. every time he stopped it stopped. he started yelling &quot;get out of here&quot;, &quot;i have a gun and im not affraid to use it&quot;, nothing would make whatever was following him go away. finally he couldn't take it anymore and started running full steam. he no more than got a couple of steps when he was yanked to a stop and his feet flew straight up in the air and he landed flat on his back....he said he just knew he was toast and bigfoot or whatever was following him was surely gonna tear him to peices. he lay there waiting for the end to come, but nothing. he tried to get up and couldn't move. wondering what the heck was going on and why whatever just slammed him to the ground wasn't finishing him off...still flat on his back, he pulled his flashlight out of its holster on his fanny pack and shinned it behind him. there he saw his bow pull-up rope w/a dog clip on the end of it hung up in an old dead fall and was stretched out so tight that he couldn't get up. evidently his bow rope had unwound from around his treestand while he was walking back to the truck and the dog clip on the end of it was draggin in the leaves some 20 ft behind him.....LMAO. i get a kick out of that story everytime i think about it. and everyone in deer camp had tears in there eyes the first time it was told there. <img src=icon_smile_tongue.gif border=0 align=middle>

Duffy

One of my buddies had an infection in his nose and was squirting an antibiotic spray up his nostrils from time to time. We were sitting around in a motel room with a couple other hunting buddies talking deer hunting strategies and having a few &quot;pops&quot;. All at once Walt goes screaming to the washroom and at the same time there is the heavey smell of &quot;doe pee&quot; in the air. He'd sprayed the wrong bottle of juice up his nose.

Robin

Turd Fergusen

When I was younger we used to go to camp,about a 1/2 mile away from camp was an hairy old man that lived in a cave.Every now & then someone would run up to the cave to tease him only to be found the next day dead. It wasn't until I was old enough to realize that it wasn't a hairy old man after all, it was a bear. We all just sit around & laugh about it now but I did lose some good freinds by daring them to go tease the hairy old man in the cave.

Natty Bumpo

A few years ago a friend and I had a nice camp set up in the mountains. We had one safety rule. No one shoots within 100 yards of the camp.

Well, the first day I didnt get any shot so I was heading back to camp just before dark. I get to the camp and there is a beautiful 10 pointer right in front of our tent. Boom, dropped him right there. I gutted him and it was dark by then and I saw my buddies flashlight coming down the trail off the mountain. Then I realized, oh no I have to hide the guts or he will know I shot the deer right here. So I slid the gutpile into my sleeping bag and figured I would get rid of them after my friend went to sleep.

Well he gets back and we pull out the bottle and celebrate getting this nice buck. We ended up drinking the whole bottle. At bedtime I staggered over to my sleeping bag and it is empty. I must have put the guts in his bag, and he is already snoring.

Next morning we get up and I said how did you sleep last night? He said not too good I woke up in the middle of the night and my hemorhoids had popped out and it took me almost the rest of the night to poke them back in.

Fullback

I love these funny hunting stories and could sit and read them for hours....I've actually thought about putting my own stories that I've heard and experienced through the years into a book......the one that find is a classic around here and I never get tired of hearing it(even though it's disgusting) is one about my dad and three other hunting buddies....I'll keep it short and to the point so I don't lull ya'll to sleep.....anyway it was the first day of rifle season, and my dad and three of his hunting hunting drove up on the mountain...they arrived at their destination well before daylight and it was cold and the wind was whipping up there....they decided to have a cup of coffee before making the trek to their stands.....well after a few sips of coffee my dads friend(Bob to hide the identity) says &quot;boys let me out, I've got a major nature call to make&quot; still before daylight mind you...so they let Bob out to take care of his business.....after several minutes Bob returns about froze and they let him back in the truck to finish his coffee and await the dreaded walk....well, my dad smells something rank and asks Bob &quot;did you bother to wipe&quot;....&quot;heck yeah I wiped&quot; well the truck owner(Paul, another hidden identity) catches a whiff.....&quot;Well you must have stepped in bear crap or something&quot;.....and by this time everyone including Bob smells something terrible....so Paul flips on the inside light to do a boot check....NOTHING, BOOTS ARE CLEAN.....so one of the guys must have passed gas or something....but after a while the stench doesn't go away...the light comes on again and Paul is looking around and notices crap smeared all over the back glass of his truck....&quot;what the h@#^/&quot;....as it turns out Bob had pooped into the hood of his coveralls and brought it back to the truck.......and everyone bails out the drivers side....Paul gives Bob a stern look and say &quot;I'm going huntin, and I'm not coming back till dark and when I get back this sh*# better be cleaned up&quot;........and to carry it further the story made it off the mountain before the hunters did that evening and Bob has never lived it down yet...and that was probably 20 years ago, or a little better....

In our line of work, we must be able to play Dixie and the Battle Hym of the Republic, With Equal Enthusiasm.

skeeter 7MM

This is more of a gag from this year deer camp, but it is kind of funny. On e of the guys shot his first big buck, to add to the story, he oooed and awed over his harvest all day, after supper he went out to the shed and looked one more time, we measured it twice thie first night just to be sure. Anyway we are always pulling gags, so I had some foresight, I field dressed it because he cut his had...good excuse and too excited. I cut of his stick & berries and kept them just in case. Well now to the gag, I am the camp rouster, so i wake up the boys for breaky and the day. I kept the stick & berries in my fanny pack, in a ziploc and inside the cabin. So b/c he was so in love with his buck I thought I would play a little gag that am. I snuck up stairs with the prize and stuck them in his unsuspecting hand, I woke everybody else up than we all went a flipped on his light and said get man. All I can say is he said WTF........I said man you need help &quot;Just wait till I tell your wife you'd been cheating and WITH A HAIRY OLD MAN!!!&quot;....then the nice words flowed from his mouth. He did finally giggle but it wasn't until that night. It was payback for removing my TP and me having to use my gloves to rid the mess...that was a gag I posted a few months back that happened to me. Oh yeah I got back at him that year too, but still had a score to settle. I guess we are even now.

nodose

fullback that's friggin halarious......

BarnesX.308

We had a similar &quot;nature call&quot; incident. The guy crapped in his new Carhart jumpsuit. Not in the hood, though. He got it all over the inside. He then put it on and got it all down his back. Yuck.

Scott Meier
White Oak Lodge

Broadhead88

All the stories are great! Here is one from New Jersey.

My buddy who ALWAYS gets his buck on the opener struck out and is hot to try a different stand on the lease. Another guy that couldnt go on the 2nd day had a nice permanent stand that has about 8 rungs to it. The weather was in the lower 20's and bitter but this was a good stand to sit in so my buddy got there about 1/2 hour before light. As he tries climbing into the stand, he keeps sliding off the rungs and just figures that there has been some ice build up. Well, he makes it up after several tries and starts wondering what the heck is all over his gloves and overalls. Once the sun peeks over the horizon and things start to warm, the stench hits him and reality sets in. The other guy had taken a diarrea squirt off his tree stand the night before and it had frozen all over the steps! Now--the other guy was so embarrassed never told anyone and left pretty quickly the day before! Well--needless to say it was a long morning in the stand.

Hunting the wilds of Jersey

farm hunter

Some of these stories nmake you laugh right out loud!.

I think the funniest I can relate involves my father, and he'd kill me if he knew I posted it.

Anyhow, it was bow season a couple years back, and a couple of my Father's freinds were up to hunt. We were staying a the cabin, and my Dad took some pretty good ribbing, about not being able to get up in the morning to hunt. He's not much of a morning person, and quite often will show up to hunt, when others are getting back from the morning hunt. Well, he took it kind of personal, and assured everyone that he'd be the first one up.

At about 11:30pm the camp talk wound down, everyone there settled in for the night after a couple drinks, not too many, but enough. I'm sure it was heavy on his mind that he HAD to be the first person up, come morning.

Well, the alarm went off, and he sprang out of bed, stoked the fire, put the coffee on, and started getting dressed for the morning hunt. He was still tired, and rather than wake everyone up right away, he had a cup of coffee, and read a bit. After about 45 min, he started to wonder why the other alarm had not gone off. He rumaged around, and checked the other clock, to realize the time 12:40 am!!!! He realized that somehow he had set the alarm wrong, and that he had had a grand total of about 20 minutes of sleep. He, very grouchly, went back to bed, and had a terrible nights sleep.

Of course he was the last one up in the morning, which was bad enough, but then he told the story of why he was so tired. He should have kept quite, and no-one would've known, but now every year he has to endure the &quot;alarm clock story&quot;.