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The Itallian Fire Department

Old 11-29-2017, 04:04 AM
  #1  
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Default The Itallian Fire Department

Italian Fire Department

One dark night in the small town of Roselle Park, New Jersey, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the first firefighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president announced that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000!

Suddenly, from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Peterstown section of Elizabeth , NJ .

This fire department was composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno!

Outside, the other firefighters watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.



The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment, he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'

'Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luccinelli, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de fursta tinga we gonna do, isza fixa de brakes on dat truck!!'
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Old 11-30-2017, 02:04 AM
  #2  
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LOL good one - I have a few Italian buddies I may have to pass this off to.

Thanks
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Old 11-30-2017, 04:13 AM
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Wink How about a joke thread?

Ben and Joe, two avid golfers, were on the third hole of their regular Wednesday afternoon round and were behind a twosome of women that were playing awfully slow. Ben finally said he’d go up and ask the women if they could play through. He walked halfway up to them, stopped, turned around, and went back to the tee box. Joe asked what was up. Ben said “I can’t ask them because one them is my wife and the other is my mistress”.
At the next tee box Joe said he’d had enough and he’d go ask to play through. He got halfway up to them, stopped, turned around, walked back, and said to Ben “Small world, isn’t it?”
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Old 11-30-2017, 04:53 AM
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The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A month went by and the bandit thought he was safe. He was celebrating his good fortune at a local cantina, when a Texas Ranger walked up and dragged him out into the dusty street. After he realized he had a communication problem, the ranger poked his head back into the bar: "Anybody here speak English?" he shouted.

"I do, senor" came the reply.

Then c'mere" the ranger ordered. The conversation between ranger, translator and bandit started. "Did he rob the bank?" "He did." "Does he still have the $250,000?" "Yes," again. Then the ranger pulled out his Colt .45, held the barrel of the gun to the bandit's head and cocked the trigger. "Make sure he understands this next question real good." the ranger told the translator. "WHERE'S THE MONEY?"

In Spanish the frightened bandit blurted out that the money was hidden in a waterproof bag at the bottom of the well in the town plaza. The translator looked up at the ranger: "He says he is not afraid to die, Gringo!"
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Old 12-03-2017, 03:04 AM
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What do you call a smart blond?







a golden retriever
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Old 12-03-2017, 03:11 AM
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Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around at Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little worried."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.
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Old 12-05-2017, 03:11 AM
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In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."

"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
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Old 12-06-2017, 05:19 AM
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There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very

interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down

his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually

the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside

of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks,

and buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with

turpentine.........

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly

completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder,

the sky opened and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint

from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to

land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles

of the thinned and useless paint

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,

so he got down on his knees and cried:
"Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.


"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
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Old 12-09-2017, 03:33 AM
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Dead Crows Near Boston. Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, it was confirmed that the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."
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Old 12-10-2017, 11:16 AM
  #10  
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He descends to a lower height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
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