I Miss My Friend........ (long)
10-09-2007, 07:29 AM
#11
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 3,882
RE: I Miss My Friend........ (long)
My grandfather is my Dad to me andi dont know what i would do without him, i shed tears thinking about it. I cant imagine how you feelor what you been going throughBigJ. But how do you think he would feel if you stopped hunting just because he went home? Hang in there they say time heals everything dont see how that can be true. buthe'll be there with you always.
10-09-2007, 07:55 AM
#12
Fork Horn
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 239
RE: I Miss My Friend........ (long)
Thanks for sharing the story big, it hit's home here.
I met my wife in 1990. Prior to that my wife met her real father 2 times. After a long search to find her, her father couldn't stand my wifes first husband, the husband being abusive and a real dead beat......
Once we were together and I found out about her father, I invited him up to Wisconsin from Ill. and we hit it off right away. Her father had remarried and his new wife is a great person and really wanted to help patch things up between father and daughter and become the grandparents every kid wants.
We spent some great times with them, they loved spoiling our kids and "grandpa " and I were closer than me and my own father, I finally had a "dad" to go hunting with, someone I could talk with and best of all, my wife found the father and step mom she never had. Grandma has since remarried and her new husband, awesome people still very close....not a replacement but an addition to the family.
My wife and I got a german shepard about the same time we met grandpa. One of my favorite things to do was go rabbit and squirrel hunting with grandpa and Elka my dog. We get the kids while grandma and my wife went shopping, we'd turn the kids and dog loose in the woods and have a great time. The dog wasn't really a good hunting dog she always cought the critters before you could shoot 'em. lol but that's not what the outings were about, we didn't shoot a whole lot of critters but we always bagged our limmits in fun.
Things couldn't have been going better, they were actually talking about moving up here to be closer when one day we got a call. Grandpa had been diagnosed with liver cancer! Doctors gave him 3 months to live. His last visit up here we took the dog and kids out to the woods and that day he was blessed with no pain. He managed to hang on for 9 months longer than the doctors said was possible. The cancer took a 260 lbs man and very painfully reduced him to 100 lbs before he died. Our last trip down, he was in so much pain, and it was difficult to see this emty shell of the man we had gotten to know so well over the past few years.
He knew he was dieing, he knew he was on borrowed time. He was holding on to see his daughter and grandchildren 1 more time. He planned and wrote his own funeral and my last conversation with him , I'll never forget. I got my part of his uligy in person, face to face, man to man. It's been 5 years now and still isn't any easier to deal with. We all miss him very much.
My dog Elka past away last spring. I layed her to rest in the same place grandpa, the kids and I last hunted together, the same place I bow hunt. The ruts my 4x4 dug to get her out to the spot are still there.There's a deer stand about 40 yards from her resting place, I hunted there the first time about 2 weeks ago. I sat in my stand and just cried, just like I am now.
His dream hunt was to go after a kodiak bear with a long bow, he was making plans for him and I to do so even after he knew that he was too sick to do it. We always argued the that I wanted a side arm for the long bow hunt, he didn't want any firearm along....he told me when I do go kodiak hunting after he's gone, "take that side arm, if the bear gets you, there's no one left to take care of my daughter and grandkids." When the funeral dirrector asked me to choose something to put in his casket for the journey, I put his long bow at his side and A pack of smokes in his pocket. He's my Fred Bear. Uncle Teds song has more meaning to me than even uncle Ted could understand.
The "new" grandpa doesn't bow hunt but loves gun hunting of all kinds, we've hit it off pretty well too. We talked about my wifes father and for xmas the new grandpa gave me a box of custom loaded (he reloads all his own ammo) for my 44 mag. It's labeled "KODIAK DREAM HUNT." I don't know if I'll ever get that dream hunt but if I ever do, I've got my side arm and ammo all ready.
I met my wife in 1990. Prior to that my wife met her real father 2 times. After a long search to find her, her father couldn't stand my wifes first husband, the husband being abusive and a real dead beat......
Once we were together and I found out about her father, I invited him up to Wisconsin from Ill. and we hit it off right away. Her father had remarried and his new wife is a great person and really wanted to help patch things up between father and daughter and become the grandparents every kid wants.
We spent some great times with them, they loved spoiling our kids and "grandpa " and I were closer than me and my own father, I finally had a "dad" to go hunting with, someone I could talk with and best of all, my wife found the father and step mom she never had. Grandma has since remarried and her new husband, awesome people still very close....not a replacement but an addition to the family.
My wife and I got a german shepard about the same time we met grandpa. One of my favorite things to do was go rabbit and squirrel hunting with grandpa and Elka my dog. We get the kids while grandma and my wife went shopping, we'd turn the kids and dog loose in the woods and have a great time. The dog wasn't really a good hunting dog she always cought the critters before you could shoot 'em. lol but that's not what the outings were about, we didn't shoot a whole lot of critters but we always bagged our limmits in fun.
Things couldn't have been going better, they were actually talking about moving up here to be closer when one day we got a call. Grandpa had been diagnosed with liver cancer! Doctors gave him 3 months to live. His last visit up here we took the dog and kids out to the woods and that day he was blessed with no pain. He managed to hang on for 9 months longer than the doctors said was possible. The cancer took a 260 lbs man and very painfully reduced him to 100 lbs before he died. Our last trip down, he was in so much pain, and it was difficult to see this emty shell of the man we had gotten to know so well over the past few years.
He knew he was dieing, he knew he was on borrowed time. He was holding on to see his daughter and grandchildren 1 more time. He planned and wrote his own funeral and my last conversation with him , I'll never forget. I got my part of his uligy in person, face to face, man to man. It's been 5 years now and still isn't any easier to deal with. We all miss him very much.
My dog Elka past away last spring. I layed her to rest in the same place grandpa, the kids and I last hunted together, the same place I bow hunt. The ruts my 4x4 dug to get her out to the spot are still there.There's a deer stand about 40 yards from her resting place, I hunted there the first time about 2 weeks ago. I sat in my stand and just cried, just like I am now.
His dream hunt was to go after a kodiak bear with a long bow, he was making plans for him and I to do so even after he knew that he was too sick to do it. We always argued the that I wanted a side arm for the long bow hunt, he didn't want any firearm along....he told me when I do go kodiak hunting after he's gone, "take that side arm, if the bear gets you, there's no one left to take care of my daughter and grandkids." When the funeral dirrector asked me to choose something to put in his casket for the journey, I put his long bow at his side and A pack of smokes in his pocket. He's my Fred Bear. Uncle Teds song has more meaning to me than even uncle Ted could understand.
The "new" grandpa doesn't bow hunt but loves gun hunting of all kinds, we've hit it off pretty well too. We talked about my wifes father and for xmas the new grandpa gave me a box of custom loaded (he reloads all his own ammo) for my 44 mag. It's labeled "KODIAK DREAM HUNT." I don't know if I'll ever get that dream hunt but if I ever do, I've got my side arm and ammo all ready.
10-09-2007, 08:24 AM
#14
Giant Nontypical
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: North Lima Ohio & Clarion Pa
Posts: 6,453
RE: I Miss My Friend........ (long)
A touching and emotional tribute BigJ. We all struggle with losses and hard times. It's why we are called the HNI Hunting Community..and not just a Hunting Board. That a guy can come on here and spill his guts out, speaks volumes of both that Man's up-bringing and his surrounding family. Your "Dad" would be very proud, as you carry yourself with pride and dignity and you truly care about others ..even those you only know as a computer friend.
He would want you to continue the pursuit and passion that you shared, because that is where you will find him the closest. As hard as it may be to press on and pick up that gun this season, you will find warmth, in the solitude. Sad, yes..hard, yes..but true raw emotion, a healing time for yourself and a renewed closeness with a great man who shared the desire to enjoy the bounty of nature. A big man, with a hearteven bigger...Dad is proud and that lives on..in you!
God Bless.
He would want you to continue the pursuit and passion that you shared, because that is where you will find him the closest. As hard as it may be to press on and pick up that gun this season, you will find warmth, in the solitude. Sad, yes..hard, yes..but true raw emotion, a healing time for yourself and a renewed closeness with a great man who shared the desire to enjoy the bounty of nature. A big man, with a hearteven bigger...Dad is proud and that lives on..in you!
God Bless.
10-09-2007, 09:37 AM
#16
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: TN
Posts: 492
RE: I Miss My Friend........ (long)
ORIGINAL: englum_06
Wow....I dont even know what to say to that. I feel for you. Sorry to hear of your loss. I couldn't imagine what hunting would feel like if I ever lost my father (my hunting buddy).
Wow....I dont even know what to say to that. I feel for you. Sorry to hear of your loss. I couldn't imagine what hunting would feel like if I ever lost my father (my hunting buddy).
SteveO....Out.
10-09-2007, 09:43 AM
#17
Site Bouncer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4,099
RE: I Miss My Friend........ (long)
Thank you all for your replies and sharing your stories with me, it helps. I struggled with telling you all for I didn't want to burden any of you but I think just getting itoff my chest has helped some.
I know someday the pain will ease and we all will move on with life. As with anyone who has lost a loved one they will never be forgotten and a piece of us will always be missing.
This has been especially tough on my wife. Michelle not only had to endure what her dad went through but as cruel fate would have it her mom (my mother-in-law) was diagnosed with breast cancer inMarch of 2006. As one parent wasgiven a clean bill of health the other was in a fight for her life. She had the operation to remove her breast and she also had extensive chemotherapy.
To say the last two years were tough on Michelle is an understatement. it was just about the time my mother-in-law finished her final treatments that we learnedthat my father-in-laws cancer hadreturned. This absolutely floored us but it just devastated Michelle. Shehas been on an emotional roller coaster and at times I didn't know how to comfort her, it's been absolute hell.
Since my father-in-laws cancer return and his subsequent passing Michelle has been a wreck worrying thather mom'scancer will also return, she cries often and it hurts me to see this. She is scared and emotionally drained.
I can only hope and pray that the future will hold more joy than sorrow and some normalcy can return to our family.
Thanks for letting me vent, it has helped.
I know someday the pain will ease and we all will move on with life. As with anyone who has lost a loved one they will never be forgotten and a piece of us will always be missing.
This has been especially tough on my wife. Michelle not only had to endure what her dad went through but as cruel fate would have it her mom (my mother-in-law) was diagnosed with breast cancer inMarch of 2006. As one parent wasgiven a clean bill of health the other was in a fight for her life. She had the operation to remove her breast and she also had extensive chemotherapy.
To say the last two years were tough on Michelle is an understatement. it was just about the time my mother-in-law finished her final treatments that we learnedthat my father-in-laws cancer hadreturned. This absolutely floored us but it just devastated Michelle. Shehas been on an emotional roller coaster and at times I didn't know how to comfort her, it's been absolute hell.
Since my father-in-laws cancer return and his subsequent passing Michelle has been a wreck worrying thather mom'scancer will also return, she cries often and it hurts me to see this. She is scared and emotionally drained.
I can only hope and pray that the future will hold more joy than sorrow and some normalcy can return to our family.
Thanks for letting me vent, it has helped.
10-09-2007, 10:49 AM
#18
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,102
RE: I Miss My Friend........ (long)
John,
You are a damn fine person,you always come from a place of caring and consideration.Life can be very perplexing sometimes,I have long since stopped trying to figure it out.
I have two thoughts your father in law would not want you to suffer he would want you to be happy.Any person who truly loves another wants them to be happy and healthy.You do what you would have done with him,you may cry or you may be fighting back emotion but honor him by doing what you loved to share with him!He wouldn't want it any other way.
As it relates to Michelle's grief with the passing of her father and the illness and fear with her mothers circumstances,I would suggest counseling,she is not seeing the big picture now because of her heart being heavy and the fear she has regarding her mom.There are mental health professionals that have skills and experience to help her get through this.
I am sorry you family has been been going through this!
You are a damn fine person,you always come from a place of caring and consideration.Life can be very perplexing sometimes,I have long since stopped trying to figure it out.
I have two thoughts your father in law would not want you to suffer he would want you to be happy.Any person who truly loves another wants them to be happy and healthy.You do what you would have done with him,you may cry or you may be fighting back emotion but honor him by doing what you loved to share with him!He wouldn't want it any other way.
As it relates to Michelle's grief with the passing of her father and the illness and fear with her mothers circumstances,I would suggest counseling,she is not seeing the big picture now because of her heart being heavy and the fear she has regarding her mom.There are mental health professionals that have skills and experience to help her get through this.
I am sorry you family has been been going through this!
10-09-2007, 11:19 AM
#19
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2
RE: I Miss My Friend........ (long)
John, I know exactly what you are going thru and know that eventually you will be able to accept things and deal with them and have it not hurt as you are now. I lost my Dad before I retired from the service. It took quite awhile when I would catch my self reaching for the phone to call him and ask a question, after he was gone. I was very angry at no in particular, but my question was why didn't someone tell me that a person could hurt so much. Like everyone is saying , cherish the times you had together and keep hunting, you can still talk to him!
10-09-2007, 01:31 PM
#20
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Northern Idaho's Panhandle
Posts: 4,436
RE: I Miss My Friend........ (long)
Big J,
Reading your post really brought out a lot of familiar emotions I too have felt in life's journy. For you my friend, I pray for healing in your wife and family, for you, continue to talk and discuss whats on your mind. When dealing with a loss, people need to share their feelings with others.Losing a loved one like a father impacts a person for the rest of their lives. I know; it has me. I lost my dad when I was 17. To this day, not an hour goes by that I don't think of him or feel his presence in my soul.
In the past, I dealt with shock, anger, yearning, depression and then learned to move on. Its what my father would have wanted. To move on and take what he taught me and pass it on...I too went through my mother nearly dieing from breast cancer and then thank God pulling out of it after a 2 year ordeal. Then 10 years after my dads death...my brothers daughter being killed at 18 months. That ripped my heart out, still does. All this to say, I have myself witnessed extreme sadness, struggled and watched it really tear my mother, brother andsister and law apart...emotionally, I really agree with everything Scot said as to be true...sometimeswith grief..we husbands or relatives can not do it all...like many othershere have already talked about get your wife what ever she needs. My brothers wife almost died from depression, she barely hung on after they lost their daughter.
Today and back then, my brother and I used "hunting" something positive that we shared with dad and each other to cope with dads loss then his daughters. I remember hunting the season after his daughter was killed. We rarely said one word to each other while out in the woods. I just read him and spent many a quiet hour by his side. He once looked at me after killing a buck and said. "i needed this, I needed to be here, I just needed to be out here brother"
I dont know how my brother has handled it so well actually. Personally I am much more of a wuss than him, I probably would fall apart if it was my child. I remind myself that;God promises us he wont give us anything we cant handle. I hang onto thatand believe it.
I hopefor you, like I do with my father... 20 years later ....today, hear his words and remember the best of times we spent together. His life lessons, I pass on to my sons. I call my youngest sonTyson... "LittleBruce"Hes a spitting image of my dad's..(Bruce) child hood photos...I teach my boys about the Grandpa they havenever actually met, but they know so much about him through stories and pictures...
I hope for your sake that you will andcan move on in "time" on past the grieving and hold tight to all the good times. With your wife, I would do everything you can to help her, it just takes time .....like all have said above...I've always felt, hunting was one of the greatest tools for making strong relationships. Take him with youon every hunt. Hell, you wont need to he's right there with you already..right now.....
God bless and take care Big J...the size of your heart imo far overshadows even your physical presence. Thanks for sharing and like many have said above...you're a darned good Man.. I pray for you and your wife, family etc. for peace in your lives ...
Troy
Reading your post really brought out a lot of familiar emotions I too have felt in life's journy. For you my friend, I pray for healing in your wife and family, for you, continue to talk and discuss whats on your mind. When dealing with a loss, people need to share their feelings with others.Losing a loved one like a father impacts a person for the rest of their lives. I know; it has me. I lost my dad when I was 17. To this day, not an hour goes by that I don't think of him or feel his presence in my soul.
In the past, I dealt with shock, anger, yearning, depression and then learned to move on. Its what my father would have wanted. To move on and take what he taught me and pass it on...I too went through my mother nearly dieing from breast cancer and then thank God pulling out of it after a 2 year ordeal. Then 10 years after my dads death...my brothers daughter being killed at 18 months. That ripped my heart out, still does. All this to say, I have myself witnessed extreme sadness, struggled and watched it really tear my mother, brother andsister and law apart...emotionally, I really agree with everything Scot said as to be true...sometimeswith grief..we husbands or relatives can not do it all...like many othershere have already talked about get your wife what ever she needs. My brothers wife almost died from depression, she barely hung on after they lost their daughter.
Today and back then, my brother and I used "hunting" something positive that we shared with dad and each other to cope with dads loss then his daughters. I remember hunting the season after his daughter was killed. We rarely said one word to each other while out in the woods. I just read him and spent many a quiet hour by his side. He once looked at me after killing a buck and said. "i needed this, I needed to be here, I just needed to be out here brother"
I dont know how my brother has handled it so well actually. Personally I am much more of a wuss than him, I probably would fall apart if it was my child. I remind myself that;God promises us he wont give us anything we cant handle. I hang onto thatand believe it.
I hopefor you, like I do with my father... 20 years later ....today, hear his words and remember the best of times we spent together. His life lessons, I pass on to my sons. I call my youngest sonTyson... "LittleBruce"Hes a spitting image of my dad's..(Bruce) child hood photos...I teach my boys about the Grandpa they havenever actually met, but they know so much about him through stories and pictures...
I hope for your sake that you will andcan move on in "time" on past the grieving and hold tight to all the good times. With your wife, I would do everything you can to help her, it just takes time .....like all have said above...I've always felt, hunting was one of the greatest tools for making strong relationships. Take him with youon every hunt. Hell, you wont need to he's right there with you already..right now.....
God bless and take care Big J...the size of your heart imo far overshadows even your physical presence. Thanks for sharing and like many have said above...you're a darned good Man.. I pray for you and your wife, family etc. for peace in your lives ...
Troy