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so I just broke up>......
guys.
You guys are my family. Want some much needed advice. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years. It's hard right now, but feel it is necessary. Have any of you guys ever gone through this? It's hard as hell but I'm trying to cope. I know t his isn't really the right thread or post to put on the bowhunting forum but you guys are kind of my family and I just wanted advice. I feel like I have to do this for me to realize who I am and what I want. I hate posting this but don't know where to turn, and you guys are the only thing that I can say will really help me. I know what you mean about feeling closer to the bunch in a particular forum... sometimes there's a different crowd over there than in here... I'll leave this for a couple days here and then probably move it to off-season after you've been given some input from the gang here... |
RE: so I just broke up>......
Buy a MAthews, that will cheer you up:D J/k just trying to make you laugh. Well, all I can say is there must have been a reason why you broke up with her, sodon't worry about it....and that concludes my Dr. Phil moment.
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RE: so I just broke up>......
Yeah this sould of been in the off season forum, but, I have been there done that too. We were together 9 years though. Didn't think I would of gotten over it at the time. But, for me in the real of it all, it was the best thing that could of happened for me. At the time I had a young son to boot, and that made it all the harder. I got threw it though by, going out every chance I had and traveling around a little. I just kept doing things to take my mind off it. I played the field for about 3 more years and then started getting serious again. Have been married now for 7 1/2 years to another lady and couldn't be happier. So lift your chin up and take a good look around things can and will happen if you take your time.
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RE: so I just broke up>......
I broke up with my G/F on Valentines day :)
Now that was a present she was not expecting :D Get ya bow and go hunting thats what I am doing ;) I know its hard but a little time and ya gonna say "who"? |
RE: so I just broke up>......
It will take time but if it is for the best, things will work out. I ve been there before and it sucks just spend time doing HEALTHY things that you love and can take your mind off of her. Try not to do alot of boozing where as that can depress your spirits and make you full of self pity as well as cloud your judgement. Hang in there. If its meant to be you will go your seperate ways and grow on your own then be back with one another. Good Luck! What bowtech you shooting.
Regards Jim |
RE: so I just broke up>......
How old are you? I dated a girl for 5 1/2 year and havent had one since. It was hard as hell too. We left off on good terms and spoke for about a year afterwards. I had to end that because it was actually harder. Its really sucky, but its life. Take advantage of the time you will have to you self now.I like it this way. I have had my flings in between then and now. I just love having all "my" time and all " MY" money. and no one to answer to.
You will do be fine. Get out with your friends, go hang out at the local shop. Do things to take your mind off it with other people. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
son, i used to think a broken heart was bad - then one morning i bit a piece of toast. i was about 25 years old. i thought someone hit me in the back of the head w/ a baseball bat. i guess i had a cavity i didn't know about - and it just so happened that on this particular morning - the nerve was exposed. for 2 days - until the dentist could see me - it felt like i was locked in gymnasium w/ the fire alarm going off - the ones that go mmmmmaaaaaaammmmp, mmmmmmmaaaaaamp - so loud - that's what my tooth was doing. when i got that sucker fixed i knew i could live through heartbreak, and just about anything else.
i'll say this too. its not about finding the right person - its about being the right person - the rest will fall into place. just decide who the best you possible is - and start becoming that person for real - and it will all take care of itself. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
Excellent advice gibblet.. Excellent advice!!!
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RE: so I just broke up>......
could I ask why you decided it was best to break up?
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RE: so I just broke up>......
About four years ago my wife of 24 years told me she had found somebody else.
Life goes on. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
ORIGINAL: cr422 About four years ago my wife of 24 years told me she had found somebody else. Life goes on. Tim, if you know that she wasn't the one for you, get wrapped up in something right now .... shooting your bow, hunting if you can .... keep busy ..... Gibby gave you good advise .... |
RE: so I just broke up>......
They are just like a bus, one on every corner. Now quit your snivelin' and get out there and "hop" on the bus. [8D]
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RE: so I just broke up>......
I'll say this bowtech.......there are a lot of women in this world. I found the love of my life. I got lucky. I got married at 39, though.
No matter what anyone says.....your feelings are DEFINITELY REAL, to YOU. that's all that matters. PT gave you sound advice. Engulf yourself into something to keep you busy. Hit the road......I run to keep my mind off things. Lift weights. Do soemthing to keep yourself busy. I wish you luck. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
If it didn't feel right you did the right thing. This way you are not wasting both your and her time trying to make something work that you know won't.
My wife of 10 years left me and took my three kids in 1999. I have no custody of my kids (they live 2,000 miles away), I don't even get to talk to them. Yet I get to pay 50 percent of my income for child support. I make 12.50 an hour in a factory and bring home 200 bucks a week. Just be glad you didn't have kids together (assuming you didn't). It took me 7 years before I even dated again. It hurts, it sucks, you feel like you want to die. Heck I had a nervous breakdown over it. I had a lot of other things going on as well though, like I lost my job shortly after she left me. But eventually things get better and you can move on. I now have a girlfriend that lives with me and she has two kids (not mine). It took a long time to get there though, at least for me. Just don't do distructive things like start drinking or turn to drugs. That won't help. Face how you feel, talk to people about it and be honest with yourself. Things get better, I promise. Remember, sometimes the RIGHT choices are not always the ones that make you feel good. You do what you gotta do then chalk it up to experience. Paul |
RE: so I just broke up>......
I think most people have gone through something like this and we eventually got over it. For me i surrounded myself with my friends and did stuff i loved doing. When it happened to me i hunted like a bugger that year taking 3 whitetail 3 mules an elk and a bear. Was my busiest season ever. So i suggest you find something you like doing and get at it. It will not take the thoughts away but it helps. As others said if it wasn't meant to be then its a little easier to deal with, you don't want to settle for someone. You don't want a gal you can live with rather one u cannot live without. People get all hung up on someone who they cannot admit isn't right for them and end up making mistakes. I still don't look back on my situation and laugh, and it still crossess my mind 3 years later but it gets better.
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RE: so I just broke up>......
Time,it just takes time.Keep yourself busy!
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RE: so I just broke up>......
I know how you feel, it happened me to once. I had broken heart for a long time. But every month, things always seemed to get better.The thing that helped me the most, to get through it, was my loving family and my faith in God. There's always a reason for it, and that reason will become clearer as time goes on.
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RE: so I just broke up>......
While I'm not in the same position, I too had to go through a great loss. My father, hunting partner, and hero, passed away this past November, right in the middle of hunting season here in PA. It was devestating, and I still have my rough patches with it. But like many have already stated, things get easier with time.
I had a split with a girl not too long ago that lasted 4 years. It sucks, no doubt about that. But, I look at it this way. She evidentally wasn't the one for me. Things have an odd way of turning for the better. Its kind of like hunting. You may miss a real nice buck one day and the next day,find a better one right under your feet. Keep your chin up dude. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
Someone wise once told me "Son, you jest ain't a man until some purty little thing has tore your heart out and chewed on it." It turned out to be true in my case, and all of us(other than Fro Man;)) have a similar experience. Get back on the horse and ride for fun for awhile, you've got your whole life to find another woman to totally screw you up again, don't rush it.
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RE: so I just broke up>......
Holy crap...where is John Wayne when you need him.
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RE: so I just broke up>......
ORIGINAL: PreacherTony ORIGINAL: cr422 About four years ago my wife of 24 years told me she had found somebody else. Life goes on. Tim, if you know that she wasn't the one for you, get wrapped up in something right now .... shooting your bow, hunting if you can .... keep busy ..... Gibby gave you good advise .... I can sympathize believe me. I know the pain. But when all is said and done, you gotta pick up the pieces and go on with your life. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
Do what the popular song says, "I got a brand new girlfriend, ...., I've jumped of the deep end, .... feels just like a kid again,... I got a brand new girlfriend"
Enjoy the free time and get a new one! Tom |
RE: so I just broke up>......
I know some guys are just tying to lift your spirits by saying stuff like "get back on the horse and ride" -or- "get a new girlfriend go jump off the deep end" but those aren't really the things you should be concentrating on right now. It's fine to go out with friends and just try to relax but looking for female attention is the last thing you want to do. If you do go looking, you'll definately be "jumping off the deep end". And worse yet, you'll be taking her with you too. Naturally when we get bounced, we easily tend to rebound, but respect yourself and the would be casualty by not acting on clouded judgment.
Not to sound all philosophical but life has to be taken in stride a day at a timesweet or sour. (nothing really philosophical bout that huh?) Life is everchanging and it's change that scares us. Change though, doesn't have to be bad. If a year ago someone told you that today you'd be broken up and feeling like crap would you believe it? Probably not, but it is what it is. On the up side of that, if someone told you that a year from now you'd be happier than you ever were, would you believe it? Probably not, considering the way you're feeling right now. But, that's not to say it can't happen. Remember:Rushing neccessary pain out of your life isn't healthy. Refusing to see future happiness isn't either. Life is as much a curse as it is a blessing. To live, you must accept both. I don't mean to take your struggle out of focus but just want to briefly share one of mine in the hopes you might be able to take something from it.Three years ago, after a 2 month battle with an Auto Immune Disease,my 10yr old son died in my arms afterwe decided to pull the plug. For a whole year after that, I locked myself up andrefused entry to the living. As ironic as it sounds, in refusing to live I learned to live. 20 hours a day of rationalizing the worthiness of my own existence made me realize that if I continued this way, my family not only suffers the loss of one member but rather two. That's when I decided to put my self-pity aside and rejoin the land of the living. I was 28 and yet a child then. I am 31 and much moreappreciative ofwhat I havenow. In this life, we are nothing more than blinds leading blinds. If you are ever lost again and need to feel like you're headed in the right direction, we are here to guide you with our toy compasses. Good Luck! -Heu |
RE: so I just broke up>......
Losing a wife/girlfriend can be hard. It was almost impossible for me to get rid of my first wife, but I finally did it.jj:D
Seriously, I went through my divorce about four years ago and it felt likemywhole world was crashing down on me, but just crawl out from under the rubble and brush your shoulders off, you'll be good to go in notime. A little warning though, stay away from the whole we can still talk and be friends on again off again type break-up, those can drag on forever and usually lead nowhere butBad Street. If you feel in your heart you made the right decision, stick with it. Over and out. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
Sorry man. At least you figured it out before you got married and had a bunch of kids and she took half your money and you're stuck paying alimony and child support while some other guy raises your kids and drives your boat.....
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RE: so I just broke up>......
When my first wife and I split up, I was terribly depressed. It went on like that for a while and then one day I just decided that I had to live the rest of my life, and I just as well get started, put the past behind me and feel thankful I was rid of a lazy biatch and I had more fun for the next year than I had ever had.
I have been dumped by women, had to dump women, been divorced twice, and I have to tell you, it gets easier each time. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
It sucks but you move on. Stay away from the bottle though... that just tends tomake it worse in so many ways especially if you hit it hard to supposily ease the pain.
Most have been there and been dumped or did the dumping. Never easy but usely for the best especially if you are just dating. The purpose of dating is to find out how to have a relationship withanother and toprepare you for marrying the right one once you find her. There is a lot of fish in the seas. I am sure glad I didn't keep the first one I caught. If I had... I would have missed out on my keeper of18.5 years... errr make that 22 years counting dating. Hang in there. Tim |
RE: so I just broke up>......
Bean there done that .
Yes its very hard , longer your together the tougher it is . Keep your head up and keep your mind on positive things . Like Bows, Deer , hunting season, yes it may sound creuel but theres a lot more fish in the sea..:eek:[8D]:D |
RE: so I just broke up>......
ORIGINAL: Hoytail Hunter I know some guys are just tying to lift your spirits by saying stuff like "get back on the horse and ride" -or- "get a new girlfriend go jump off the deep end" but those aren't really the things you should be concentrating on right now. It's fine to go out with friends and just try to relax but looking for female attention is the last thing you want to do. If you do go looking, you'll definately be "jumping off the deep end". And worse yet, you'll be taking her with you too. Naturally when we get bounced, we easily tend to rebound, but respect yourself and the would be casualty by not acting on clouded judgment. Not to sound all philosophical but life has to be taken in stride a day at a timesweet or sour. (nothing really philosophical bout that huh?) Life is everchanging and it's change that scares us. Change though, doesn't have to be bad. If a year ago someone told you that today you'd be broken up and feeling like crap would you believe it? Probably not, but it is what it is. On the up side of that, if someone told you that a year from now you'd be happier than you ever were, would you believe it? Probably not, considering the way you're feeling right now. But, that's not to say it can't happen. Remember:Rushing neccessary pain out of your life isn't healthy. Refusing to see future happiness isn't either. Life is as much a curse as it is a blessing. To live, you must accept both. I don't mean to take your struggle out of focus but just want to briefly share one of mine in the hopes you might be able to take something from it.Three years ago, after a 2 month battle with an Auto Immune Disease,my 10yr old son died in my arms afterwe decided to pull the plug. For a whole year after that, I locked myself up andrefused entry to the living. As ironic as it sounds, in refusing to live I learned to live. 20 hours a day of rationalizing the worthiness of my own existence made me realize that if I continued this way, my family not only suffers the loss of one member but rather two. That's when I decided to put my self-pity aside and rejoin the land of the living. I was 28 and yet a child then. I am 31 and much moreappreciative ofwhat I havenow. In this life, we are nothing more than blinds leading blinds. If you are ever lost again and need to feel like you're headed in the right direction, we are here to guide you with our toy compasses. Good Luck! -Heu Its not always how far you fall, but how far you bounce back. Good luck. Bobby |
RE: so I just broke up>......
Yeah I just went through a divorce. Oh well she's someone elses problem now. Plus I get to go hunting more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!:)
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RE: so I just broke up>......
Life will go on, it just becomes part of your past, just do not let that event shape your future in a negative way.
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RE: so I just broke up>......
Take your mind off of it by going on a nice long hunting trip or go do your favorite thing in the world. We are all very sorry for you and we hope that it passes quickly.
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RE: so I just broke up>......
I broke up with a girlfriend of 5 1/2 years, heck even had an egagement ring put away when everything started to unravel. While others have suggested what you should do to move on, I will suggest what you should not do. So many relationships end with the clause of but we can still be friends. Its hard but I highly reccomend not doing this. Dont stay in contact, dont call on the phone, cut the strings and be done.
It is 100 times harder if you attempt to keep contact. It doesnt allow you to move on. The phone calls, meeting once in a while, it just doesnt work, its like your stuck in a warp zone because you dont do anything to move on, your sitting stagnant being pulled both ways. The first time you hearshe went on a date, it will tear you up yet you have no right to be mad, its just agonizing, and when you go on a date, you cant devote your attention to the new person because your still stuck. Its hard to completely cut strings with someone you've beendevoted to so long, but for the well being of yourself, you just have to. Take it from a guy who has been there and made this mistake. |
RE: so I just broke up>......
I skipped over most of the posts so excuse me if my advice has already ben offered.
I'm the king of broken hearts. Been dumped a few times myself. Caught my first wife in bed with another guy twice. ( different guys) Your broken heart will heel. You just need to spend time with family and friends. I know what you are going through. Everytime you see something or hear a song you get that instant sick feeling in the pit of your stomache. Just deal with it. You can do it. I promise you, one day you'll look back and laugh. I was promised the same thing and didn't believe it either. But it was true. I can look back and laugh about my ex. You'll meet another girl, just don't jump into a relationship. Date around. Its not fair to the new girl if you are just on a rebound. Just date until you find what you really want. Just know that the pain will fade. It will! Try to stay away from this girl you just broke it off with. talking to her just drags out you getting over it. The " Friends Thing" doesn't work. Trust me. Been there, done that. It doesn't work. If you break off all contact, there is a good chance this girl may come crawling back. DON'T TAKE HER BACK! Been there done that too. It won't work. You'll be on edge if you do. Always worrying she'll do it again. SHE WILL! Get involved in something, stay away from her, get some new clothes, change the style of music you listen to, meet new girls. |
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