Help me be a good uncle Updated
 

Ok here is the deal. I told my 13 YOnephew I would take him out this evening for a chance at his first kill. We planned on going hog hunting. I can't let him deer hunt on my lease unless we pay for another spot. Hogs are not a problem pay wise. The land owner wants dead hogs. Anyway, my sister in law told my nephew 3 times yesterday to get packed up for the trip. ( The visit started yesterday). each time he was told he thought there were more important things to do, like talk non stop to his girlfriend. Well,he finally packed up at the last minute and forgot his hunting gear.
Here is where I have a decision to make. Teach him a lesson in responsibility and discipline or put what I can together and take him anyway? What do you guys think I should do? I'm leaning towards leaving him here while I go. His mother told him three times to get ready and that is the part that really sticks in my craw. We will have many more opportunities to hunt. This is a great opportunity at a lesson in life. I value many of ya'lls opinions and want to see what you would do.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

At 13 talking to your girlfriend seems really important. Taking a child which he is, is very important. I would rather see him hunting with you than out on the streets. The lessons he can learn while out hunting could possibly be more important than the lesson he learns by getting left at home. The time you will spend with him, gives you the opportunity tobe a positive influence in his life. Maybe don't think of it as his first kill but as quality time. He will be able to think of alot of stuff to get into sitting at home. This is just my opinion. Let us know what you do.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

I vote on the life lesson. Kids today don't get it.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

This would not be his first trip out with me. He has gone with me many times before. And I know it will not be his last chance.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

Since it is not his first time leaving him home may help. I think it will only help if he really enjoys hunting and he will be devastated by not going. Then I think he will learn a lesson. But I would not deny anyone there first hunting experience.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

Okay. We havea 14 year old nephew and we take him hunting often. If I were in your shoes with my nephew who lives only 3 blocks away, I'd run him by and have him get his gear. My nephew LOVES to hunt with us. His dad takes him too so he has lots of opportunity to hunt. He has forgotten gear before, and I know it has been because he has had other things he was more interested in doing at the time (girls the least of it all). The thing is, kids who hunt with family will be far less likely to get into trouble with their friends. They learn the "responsibility" on a far larger scale. Teach him the "responsibility" lesson in respect for ethical hunting, animals, and other people. Let his mom deal with the little stuff. You have a rule on your lease, make sure he understands it and hunts what he is allowed to hunt. I wouldn't let him get away with leaving his hunting gear behind everytime and I would make sure he understood that it is a pain to have to mess with it when he is old enough to get his stuff together. The experience he'll have with you is the important part though and the fun part. Just let it go and enjoy the hunt and the bonding. You really don't want to push him the wrong way and make him wish he didn't want to go with you to hunt at all. Oh, and I have kids (younger, but still). I will and do expect them to get there stuff together, but they are kids and will continue to learn that lesson over the course of their lives. Eventually, life will teach them the lesson in a very meaningful way.

Good luck.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

It will indeed disappoint him quite a bit. Me too! I worked hard this week getting a spot baited for hogs with some corn and Koolaide. I was really looking forward to it and spoke with him several times during the week. I think we'll have to try again another time.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

i would take him because i am a year older than him and if my uncle did that i would be pretty mad. Whatever choice you make just dont make him not like you.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

I'd learn him a lesson... but i can find reasons for both decisions.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

I agree that kids need to learn valuable lessons, but is this important enough for the fight. I mean if this is par for the course with this kid, and he really NEEDS to have the point driven home fine. However, think about the true effects of your actions. Are you going to drive a wedge between you by doing this or are you the man in his life that needs to teach him this lesson? Think about your relationship with him...maybe the person you need to ask is your sister.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

i'd actually agree with ya.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

Leave him.

Give him a brief explaination. When you get back you can give him a more detailed explaination going beyondhunting. How he shouldn't have to be told 3 times to do things. How priorites should be lined up. How what needs to be done always comes before what you want to do ("needs" before "wants").

Maybe just forget about hunting with him for awhile until he initiates it. See where it lies in his mind.

Let him know you were counting on him. How you wanted him to be there. How you were looking forward to it, etc.

And at 13 maybe a little talk about some other wild game? Birds & the bees?

But above all - let him know regardless that you still love him and that's the reason behind leaving him and the talk. Start the talk with "Because I love ya and care about ya......" and end it with the same.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

Thanks Uncle Matt and everyone else. I am the main male figure in this kids life. I am leaving him at home this time. The decision is made. This type of behavior is pretty common so its lesson time. I will explain in detail why and will talk to him in depth, Thank you guys for your input.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

I agree.

Had I done this on a trip with my dad, I'd be stuck in camp the entire time. Sometimes we need to be taught a lesson the hard way.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

Take him hunting, and while your out there, it would be a good time to explain to him what responsability is.
Dan

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

This scenario is a tough call.Good reasons to go either way with it.I hope the decision that you made ends up having him be more considerate and responsible.Given that you were looking for input from folks here,it would be obvious that you really are trying to do the best thing.I amsure with your interaction with him that will come through. I hope it works out well!

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

My thoughts exactly!!!

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

Let his BS slide and take him hunting; he might get addicted to it and you may just have a great hunting buddy for life.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

Bing bing! We have a winner! Some people call it forgetfull, I call it lazy, irresponsible anddownright rude. If he's not gonna do his part, why do your part?? Leave him at home and he can help skin em when you get back.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

Time for some tough love , try to teach him a lesson and tell him why .

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

I vote, you should have taken him hunting. It's a day trip as I understand it. What did he not have with him he needed that you couldn't run and pick up or provide. It's pigs in a bait site for gosh sakes. You're not stalking gazelles on the open veld. Life's lesson??? I think you just disappointed a teenager with hormone problems as well as family problems as I understand it. You decided to become his "Teacher of life's lessons" and the kid sounds like he needs a helping hand with no dad on the scene. The only lesson I see is another Man figure let him down in his eyes. Life's lesson indeed. Take a kid hunting for gosh sakes. The whole family is in a state of "What now" with hubby not on the scene and you let the kid down. Wrong decision. The kid will tell you... you're not my dad. He'll with draw further to his friends and "Girl Friend". Of course you have to understand I come from a family of crotchetty old farts with one divorce in the family tree in the last 50 years. In similar threads on here the same people that tell you teach him a lesson would tell you, "You made a committment". Well, you found an excuse to get out of it in the kids eyes. Sure you give him all the grief and trouble you want about not being prepared. That's the lesson. But you take him hunting. In my opinion, you need some life lessons too.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

look from a kids stand point which i kind of am since I'm only 16, if idid something wrong my dad would let me go hunting but i would get so muchcrap from my uncle and other hunting friends that it was worse than not going at all. I would let him go but give him a hard time about it in a friendly way it got through to me.

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

My only thoughts are will this teach him a lesson about responsibility, or that you have to always be perfect in life, which is impossible. Kids make mistakes. I know, I have 5 ( 17 1/2 ( stepdaughter ), 12 1/2, 10 , 8 1/2 , and 19 mos. ( adopted ). If I let my kids errors kill our plans, when I only get to see " my " kids every other weekend, it would kill their souls. I do believe in teaching kids life lessons, and he may be a really irresponsible kid , but kids make mistakes, and at 13 years old, this might truly break his heart if he really looks up to you. But, only you know what kind of relationship you two have.Sometimes it is better to simply forgive a childs adolescent short-comings, in order forthem to havea positive rolemodel to fashion themselves after. And would it really be much of a problem for you to get him set up with the items he left?

But, I will also say that in getting to know you, TX, I have found you to be agood heartedand upstanding guy, who would weigh out all the pluses and minuses ina situation and make the best call possible. So if you said life lesson, I would not second guess you.

Remember the reason for the season.

Merry CHRISTmas.

God Bless

RE: Help me be a good uncle Updated
 

Well, no one went hunting. I stayed home too. I'm not sure I made it clear about why Tanner needed a lesson. It wasn't about not bringing his gear. Heck, hes worn the wrong size camo before and getting a weapon in his hands would not be a problem. We've done that before. The problem was that his mom told him several times to get ready. They live about an hour & 1/2 away and were coming to spend the weekend. Tanner ignored his mothers requests to get his things packed. I can't overlook that. We had a long talk about taking care of responsibilities. That was while I taught him how to fletch arrows last night. Thats what we did instead of hunting. We had a good talk. I think he will still disobey his mom at times, what kid doesn't? But I also think I made clear to him that when he wants to do something he has to carry his end of the load.
And yes Davidmil, I do need some life lessons. Who amongst us doesn't? I don't have much experience at being a mentor. I am learning as I go and doing the best job I can. Will I make mistakes?I am sure I will. I just pray that I can be a positive influence in this kids life.

RE: Help me be a good uncle Updated
 

Ive got a 14 yo son with a girlfriend.Sometimes he wants to talk all night on the phone.Thats fine,I dont wake him up twice,and he can cook his own breakfast.

RE: Help me be a good uncle Updated
 

I'm sure you did the right thing txjourneyman , you said what you wanted to say to the young lad with hopes that he understands and maybe next time he'll be ready.
As for davidmil : for a person that doesn't want to give advice and to let everyone be on there own , he sure does like to rant.

RE: Help me be a good uncle Updated
 

Dad took me fishing one time, a spot that was only two miles from the house.The Northerns were biting and they were catching some huge fish with about every other cast.I had several days to get ready for the outing but when we got there I came to find out I only had about 10 yrds of line on my pole, not enough to cast with.

I sat and watched the other guys fish all day, dad coulda easily drove me the 2 miles back to the house for new line but he didnt.I was pretty pissed off at the time.But I never forgot the double check my gear again before heading out.To this day I keep a extra spool of line in my tackle box.

RE: Help me be a good uncle Updated
 

TX, You are right, we all need some life lessons of some sort. As the Lord said, " For none of you are perfect, No not one. " And as far as being a mentor or positive role model, I would bet that you already are. But , yes , prayer can help.

And, as I said before, who you are as a person already shows through in your posts , and perhaps some of us could take a lesson or two.

Merry CHRISTmas

God Bless

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

I think responsibility is very important, and should be expected of children. I also believe that children should always be respected, even if they make you angry. My opinion is that you very respectfully explain that it is unfortunate that he did not take responsibility for making sure he had his hunting gear, and that subsequently, he’ll have to sit this one out. I’d also explain that you were really looking forward to him accompanying you, and suggest that next time you’ll try to remind him.
Also, it doesn’t sound like he really wanted to go, or at least not bad enough to remember his stuff, which to me, is another reason to sit this one out. You jumping through a bunch of hoops to get him out and hunting, when he really doesn’t seem to want to be there sounds like a recipe for spoiling him, and provides no reason on his part to change his actions.

He’s your nephew, so you’ll know what is best, but that is just my opinion.
KP

RE: Help me be a good uncle
 

I think you did a great job. My son is 13 and he's always forgetting things. I usually give him a break but if I specifically ask him to do something several times and he still forgets he is out of luck. I think it was really good that you still found something else to do with him and didn't just go by yourself. Maybe he felt just a little guilty that you couldn't go either. He'll remember next time.