Whats the best hunting joke you know?
11-10-2005, 09:33 AM
#3
Giant Nontypical
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Nekoosa Wi USA
Posts: 6,066
RE: Whats the best hunting joke you know?
Deer hunting season is coming up...
Here are the secret diary entries from last years deer hunt.
1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.
2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.
3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.
4:30 am - Head into the woods.
6:05 am - See eight deer.
6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am - ''Click''.
6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 am - Head back to camp.
9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 pm - Rescued.
12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00 pm - Arrived back in camp.
3:30 pm - leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again.
5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.
6:01 pm - Load gun.
6:02 pm - Fire gun.
6:03 pm - One dead pickup truck.
6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 pm - Fall into fire.
6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire.
6:15 pm - Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
6:26 pm - Start walking.
6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.
6:35 pm - Meet bear.
6:36 pm - Take aim.
6:37 pm - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 pm - Make mess in pants.
6:39 pm - Climb tree.
9:00 pm - Bear departs - wrap %&*$#@ gun around tree.
Midnight - Home at last.
Next day - Watch football game on TV while slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces - place in envelope and mail it to Game Warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.
Here are the secret diary entries from last years deer hunt.
1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.
2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.
3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.
4:30 am - Head into the woods.
6:05 am - See eight deer.
6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am - ''Click''.
6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 am - Head back to camp.
9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 pm - Rescued.
12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00 pm - Arrived back in camp.
3:30 pm - leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again.
5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.
6:01 pm - Load gun.
6:02 pm - Fire gun.
6:03 pm - One dead pickup truck.
6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 pm - Fall into fire.
6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire.
6:15 pm - Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
6:26 pm - Start walking.
6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.
6:35 pm - Meet bear.
6:36 pm - Take aim.
6:37 pm - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 pm - Make mess in pants.
6:39 pm - Climb tree.
9:00 pm - Bear departs - wrap %&*$#@ gun around tree.
Midnight - Home at last.
Next day - Watch football game on TV while slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces - place in envelope and mail it to Game Warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.
11-10-2005, 02:26 PM
#6
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Crawford County, IL
Posts: 259
RE: Whats the best hunting joke you know?
Two hunters went deer hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female deer costume and learned the mating call of a female deer.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the buck was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the buck was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
11-10-2005, 05:15 PM
#8
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Iowa (Heartland USA)
Posts: 3,249
RE: Whats the best hunting joke you know?
A doe walks into a bar and asks "Anybody got a buck?"
A guy walks into a bar with a doe under his arm. He walks up to bar where his wife is sitting and says "This is the hog I sleep with"
His wife looks at him and says "You idiot, that's a doe!"
He looks at her and replies "I Was Talking To The Doe!"
A guy walks into a bar with a doe under his arm. He walks up to bar where his wife is sitting and says "This is the hog I sleep with"
His wife looks at him and says "You idiot, that's a doe!"
He looks at her and replies "I Was Talking To The Doe!"
11-10-2005, 05:21 PM
#9
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Pac NW
Posts: 224
RE: Whats the best hunting joke you know?
I go Polor Bear hunting with a Alaskan buddy of mine.
We head north and he cuts a huge hole in the ice.
He takes out a can of peas andsprinkles them around the hole.
I say to him "I've never heard of that method".
He says "Yeah, when the Bear sneaks up and takes a pea we'll kick'em in the ice hole!
We head north and he cuts a huge hole in the ice.
He takes out a can of peas andsprinkles them around the hole.
I say to him "I've never heard of that method".
He says "Yeah, when the Bear sneaks up and takes a pea we'll kick'em in the ice hole!
11-10-2005, 05:33 PM
#10
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Iowa (Heartland USA)
Posts: 3,249
RE: Whats the best hunting joke you know?
A guy saves for years and years to gokodiak bear hunting in Alaska. He finally goes and sees the perfect prey. He shoots and the bear is dead. As he stands there looking at his kill there is a tap on his shoulder. He looks and there is a huge brown bear. The brown bear looks at him and says "You just killed my cousin. So there is two ways we can settle this. I can either maul you and have my way with you OR I could kill you and share your meat with his family." The hunter chooses option one to live. A month later after he recovered in the hospital he decided to get his revenge on the brown bear. He returns to Alaska, finds the bear, and shoots him. As he stands chuckling over his kill, a Grizzly bear taps him on his shoulder and says "Dude, you just killed my cousin! Two options, I have my way with you, or I kill you. Once again, the hunter chooses life.
6 months later when he gets out of the hospital he again returns to Alaska for revenge. He tracks down the grizzly and shoots him right between the eyes. The grizzly no sooner hits the ground than there is another tap on the hunters shoulder. The hunter turns around and there is a polar bear. The polar bear looks him square in the eyes and says "You Don't Come Up Here For The Hunting Do You?"
6 months later when he gets out of the hospital he again returns to Alaska for revenge. He tracks down the grizzly and shoots him right between the eyes. The grizzly no sooner hits the ground than there is another tap on the hunters shoulder. The hunter turns around and there is a polar bear. The polar bear looks him square in the eyes and says "You Don't Come Up Here For The Hunting Do You?"