Well my first kill isn' t a very good memory. I know this is going to make all of you guys sick to your stomach as it does me pretty much everytime I' m out in the woods and think about it. I don' t think I go through a single hunt without thinking about this.
I was 14 yrs. old and hunting with my stepfather. We were on state land and headed back to the camper that we had there for the 2 week stay. Well, we come across a doe standing right there broadside in front of me 40yards away. My step father puts his arm out to stop me because he saw it first. That first feeling...wow!! I' m shaking like a leaf. Pull my gun up and take the safety off. I let a shot go that must have hit 20 yards in front of her. She didn' t move. I then shoot again and hit her leg. She didn' t move. I shot twice more and finally got one in her lungs. She ran off about 30 yards or so and expires.
Boy this is even tough typing. We walk up to her and it is a small (very small)doe. My step dad says we can' t bring this back. It' s the size of a dog. He was afraid of what the others at camp would say. So he tells me we' re going to pull it over to the side and behind some thickets and leave it. I remember just being in a state of shock. I really didn' t know what to think. To make a really long story short, he went on to try and justify and tell me that he' s not proud of what we just did, and what we did was wrong. I was wiping away tears the whole walk back to camp. We get back to camp and the guys asked if that was us shooting that they heard some shots over there. No we had to say. I ended up going home 2 days after because I didn' t even want to see another deer.
I didn' t hunt for 8 years after that. I was 22 before I picked up a gun again and went to the woods. I' m 31 now. For the last 9 years I' ve been back into it I tell you I' ve thought about that every single time i' m in my stand.
Now understand one thing PLEASE!! I am the most ethical hunter now that exists. At least I strive to be. I' ve passed on so many deer. I will NOT take a shot at a deer unless it' s 150% sure shot. I don' t know where these ethcis and values came from, because they didn' t come from my first experience hunting.(or maybe they did). I am an avid fisherman and outdoorsman in general. I have the utmost respect for the outdoors and wildlife. It breaks my heart that the incident happened and I was a part of it. I want to go back and talk some sense into that 14 year old, but I can' t. I didn' t know any better at the time.
The funny thing is, my step father is the absolute greatest man in the world. He is a very rare human that puts himself last. He' ll do anything for you and has helped me so much in life. He doesn' t hunt anymore because he had a tough time after he took a buck one year. He felt bad about killing it. We have never talked about what happened that day. I talk to him about hunting when I see him, but that day never came up again.
So, don' t think less of me (or him) and understand why I get so defensive and outraged at some posts about ethics and bad shots and such. Maybe what happened has triggered me to who I am today. Things happen for a reason, but it' s tough to find a reason for that to happen.
Sorry I even had to have you guys hear something like this, but the question was asked and it reminded me once again. Anyway I like the hunter I am today and will go on doing it the way I do it now. I may not harvest as many deer as other people, but I know I' ll never make a bad decision again. I' m just glad I finally got over it and am able to be in the woods again. And I' ll guarantee one thing. My 3 boys are going to learn the way it' s supposed to be done. It' s a tough one to live with. I' ll never forget the first 10 - 20 steps walking away from her. OK I rambled enough. Good to vent though.