and yet another vote for the SPringfield XD. However, if you wife is going to shoot this gun, i would make sure she shoots a 45 first to see if recoil will be an issue. A 357? Out of the question IMO. Too much recoil and muzzle flash for most people to enjoy. just make sure it fits both of your hands.

And as far as 9mm goes, its not what i call a "womans caliber". Police have been using it for years and with today's bullet choices, its is certainly a defense gun. That is my caliber of choice due to it's lower recoil. I can shoot it pretty well and make follow up shots with ease. That my friend is the most important thing. My wife also shoots a 9mm and is quite used to it now. I have the springfield XD9 and i suggest you try one some day. You may be sold like i was. Under $425 too.