well, everything started out as planned. got up early, packed up the gear and me and my 9 year old son Luke head out . we set up the blind, and a couple dekes and began the wait.
dawn was breaking, and we were expecting to hear some birds at any minute.
then , things got wierd...
you see i hunt on an old junkyard. it is surrounded by woods, but all the junk is in the center of a big field (maybe 50 acres?). i've got wrecked boats, cars trucks, campres, farm equipment, etc.. it aint the prettiest setting, but it works.
right about the time i was thinking "man, the birds should be gobbling right about now" i hear metal creaking. looking about 40 yds past my decoys, i see a door opening on an old travel vista trailer. guess what walks out?
A FAT NAKED HOMELESS GUY!!!
now i'm super pissed. FAT NAKED HOMELESS GUY (or FNHG, for short) decides , at 5:59 am , to take a leak . now, i'm ready to hurl. this is out of controll. my poor kid is probally traumatized for life. i'm thinking about shooting him (FNHG, not Luke)
FNHG goes back into the trailer. i am thinking about setting it on fire.
Luke and i decide to try our luck on the other side of the access road. we get about 50 yards from my Jeep, and we hear a gobble. set down , get situated, call, and BAM he's interested (the turkey , Not FNHG).
the bird is coming in on a string, double gobbling. i see him. right in front of my Jeeps tailgate! nice bird, but i gotta wait . i dont mind a few pellet holes in the truck, but i gotta wait till the gas tanks out of the way. the bird is closing the distance.....4 more steps and he's at 40 yards. then.................
PUTT.....PUTT and he's off runnin. FNHG (still fat, naked and homeless) apparently decided its time to take a dump. and, since he dosent want to do it near his shanty, he decided to walk out into the middle of the field, scaring away the bird.
Party's over for today. i am mentally drained from restaining myself from commiting homicide in front of my son.
my kid is still laughing his ass off. he'll be telling that story for a while.
i'll be back tonite, with a few bottles of ripple for FNHG. maybe that way he'll be too hung over to get up early and i'll get some peaceand quiet AND my turkey.
That was HILARIOUS! I can barely type from the tears running down my face. It probably wasn't funny at the time but I can picture FNHG waddling out across the field to take his much needed morning dump.
And to quote LtCG: "That's funny right there. I don't care who ya are."
I would have at least fired off a round in the air, just to see FNHG crap all over the road like a horse in a parade, though.
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"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns." --- Jack Handy
MOST UNBELIEVABLE STORY EVER!!
