I am curious, does being a Christian give a person a free pass to spend untold amounts of time on porn sites, cheat on their wife/girlfriend and spend more countless hours on religion sites and forums ? Is this how a person repents when doing the above activity? How would you feel if this was someone close to you, some one you lived with, some one you trusted? Can/should this person be forgiven? I know God wants us to have a forgiving heart, but, when this happens and you've been told "I'll not do this again" and you find it is and now they are cheating, how does one forgive? Especially when it is impossible to forget. And you've been stabbed to the core by the one who has told you he loves you.
No it does not give them a free pass to do anything like that. The core of their problem is sin, plain and simple. They may say they are a Christian but at the core of the Christian faith is loving the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. And second part of that command is to love others as you love yourself. Obviously this person does not love God more than they love porn. And if they know that it is hurting someone else, they are also not loving that person as themselves. Anybody can be forgiven for about anything but they have to repent. The word repent means more than just saying your sorry, it meansto go in the opposite direction. If they are not changing their habits, they are not truely repenting. Pornography is a huge problem today because of it's easy accessability and once your mind has been stained with those images, it is very hard to rid yourself of them. In addition, experts on this subject tell us that it's like a drug addiction,you need more and more of it to satisfy your craving. This person may have gotten in over his head and need serious counciling at this point. It will only be by the miraculous grace of God that this person will be able to overcome this addiction, but they will first have toacknowledge their problem. It is also that same grace that will enable you to forgive and trust again. But you cannot begin that process until the other person has made some decisions to seek help. If you are a Christian, I would advise you to continue praying for this person but I would say that you need to pray to God and ask Him for wisdom for yourself in how to deal with this tragic situation. I know this ishurting you very deeply and you must feel betrayed on so many levels but God's word declares that "Love covers a multitude of sins." It is only by His wonderfulgrace and mercy that love will prevail. I hope this helps answer some questions for you.
Blessings......Pastorjim
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Mere religion is just hanging around the cross.......True Christianity is getting on the cross.
No it does not give you a free pass. Being a Christian is about having a personal relationship with God. It means reading the bible and living by God's standards to the best of your ability and mistakes will be made but there is no free pass. Youare held accountable for every sin that you commit and while we are here on this earth we will suffer natural consequences for our actions.
As for dealing with a spouse who is not being faithful or is viewing pornagraphy should that someone be forgiven I think so but that doesn't mean that you have to stay with that person ecspecially if it damages your relationship with Christ. You are the only one who can make that choice. But I can give you something to think about whether that someone is you or a friend or loved one. Has he tried to make changes? Seeking counsel whether it be a Pastor or a counseler or a good role model from the church? What are his exact views on repentance. Repentance means not committing that same sin, over and over again. Now in some scenarios such as porn addiction it may take some time to get past it and there may be some slip ups that occur but he needs to continue working on the problem even if it gets better for a little while. With cheating it is very serious because you have to worry about STD's and things of this nature. But only the person going through it can say whether they can get past this type of betrayal or not. And he would have to understand that his trust would need to be regained.
It would be a lot of work on both sides to repair the marriage. And both would have to be totally committed to making it work. But it has been done. PM me if you ever need.
I tried replying but it's very hard to do without sounding like a holier thanthou ..PLUS none of us really know the whole story..there is always 2 sides..
I have alot of experience in this area.. and am FREE ..
But let me tell you friend there are many things that feed porn.
A. TV
B. Certain kinds of music
C. Relationships at work or leisure..many guys joke about what they do with their wives on the job or hunting etc..sowing bad seeds into the hearts of others.
What I do to keep this garbage out...
A. WE have no TV in our home.
B. My wife monitors where I go on the net..I ask her to check my history.
C. I keep in God's Word everyday ..I aim for 3 times a day..The Word is the only thing I found that really helps.
john 8:31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
D. A crazy marriage bed will also promote porn..we are to respect our wives..it doesn't ciure lust..it can be a big cause of more problems as "Lust is never satisfied."
Therefore ..the wife and hisband have to work on this issue together..Both have to want God's best.
E. Music...stay away from music that does not glorify God..
LUST is one of Satan's most powerful strongholds..apart from a daily healthy dose of God's Word,prayer and a sincere desire to change..he doesn't stand a chance..He's addicted.
He has to want to be free...
F. Choose your freinds wisely..A man is known by the company he keeps..Sometimes I'm shocked by some of the forwards I get from Christians right here on HNI from the religious group.[&:]..[:-]
G. Alcohol...doesn't take but about 1 1/2 beers to get the wondering mind off task on the computer..
We are to guard our hearts with all diligence..
Repenting is not a choice of his. I believe he is so indwelled with this in his life he prefers it to a real relationship. So I left. It was clear when I came to him I would not tolerate this. He promised he would leave the porn alone and then I find he did not. Not only that but Craig's list erotic site, cheating, you name it. And here in between. So, I told him he could have at it. I'm outa here. It is hard to forgive when he is not willing to repent or change. So I changed my living area. You might be very surprised as to who this "brother" is. I do pray for him, but, he needs to do the same. I pray God changes his heart and secret mind.
"Who it is", is not important. What is important is that vows before God have been broken.
I hate to vow to anything, so I refrain from that as much as possible. I rarely give my word on anything as I am bound to hold to it.
According to the Bible, I felt justified in my previous divorce. Since then God has opened my eyes to my part in the failure of my marriage. It's over, and I've moved on and have been blessed with a wonderful wife. I hope that any problems that may arise between my wife and myself that I am able to view my actions before I focus on hers.
I think of this knowing that there are two sides to every coin. Your husband is wrong in what he is doing and he's missing the life that Christ want's to give him. You are probably blameless and are doing the right thing by moving on . . . .For your own self and all involved tho I would make sure of that. If you are in any way coming up short in God's eyes yourself then maybe the fights not over. God bless.
__________________ And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
You might be very surprised as to who this "brother" is. I do pray for him, but, he needs to do the same. I pray God changes his heart and secret mind. Ladybowhunter
Nothing would shock me..it could be anyone of us..and I wouldn't be shocked. Lust is very powerful..I'm tempted often in this area myself..thus the reason why one must keep ingulfed daily in the Word..alot of Word..not just an occasional verse..I mean spending time in the pages ..I read this morning about the women being caught in the very act of adultury..I 've been to Israel. When He came down from the Mount of Olives to go to the temple..that was a 5-10 minute walk..and as He taught the crowd the Pharisees brought to Jesus a women "Caught in the very act of adutury." You all are very familiar with the situation.The self righteous had thier rocks ready to crush her..She had no hope...and Jesus says,"Ye without sin throw the first stone." and they all dropped thier stones after being convicted in thier own hearts..and Jesus said,"Neither do I condemn thee..go and sin no more."
You are in a tough spot...Keep yourself in God's Word sister. The Word will comfort and guide you perfectly..I will be praying for ya..
First off, I'm sorry you're having to go through this as it's one of the most difficult things a person can go through in life. As a christian, you're having to make decisions that no committed christian ever wants to have to make. Decisions that definitely are not easy or fun. These are also some great questions you're asking that can help other people reading this topic.
Being a christian does not give a person a "free pass" to sin. We all do sin but hopefully are not repeating the same sins and are growing in our faith in Christ. Porn websites (or any porn) is not good for anybody, male or female. It is designed to incite lust, damages a person's ability to form and grow in a monogamous relationship and can even become an addiction. Cheating on your wife or girlfriend (as in having sex with somebody else) is wrong because you are violating their trust and, in the case of marriage, your marriage vows before God.
Repenting is something you do before God by confessing your sin and asking for mercy and forgiveness. You can spend time on a religious website or forum but that doesn't replace confessing your sins to God and asking for forgiveness. You would also need to ask any offended person for their forgiveness and hopefully regain their trust through positive action(s).
If you are a christian, you are required to forgive that person but that does not mean that you will (or should) automatically forget what has happened or continue allowing him to victimize you further. When you forgive that person, you give the right to judge/punish him to God and you gain peace of mind and heart and can then move on. Until you forgive him, you keep the hurt, pain and anger locked up inside of you and you are merely punishing yourself by allowing this to come between you and God. The other person has freely made a choice whether it is an addiction or just plain stupidity (probably some of both) and is not likely to stop his destructive behavior no matter how mad, angry or hurt you become.
It does feel like you've been stabbed to the core because you trusted that person with everything. Once you find out, it feels like you can't think or focus and your world is turned upside down. You are overloaded and will need time to process everything and find peace with the decisions you make. These feelings are common for people going through this situation. And like many other members, I too am speaking from experience. I hope this helps some and prayers are on the way.
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Free pass
Stephanie is not as sheepish as she appears
