Here is my dilemma. My brother in-law just got married Aug 16th and his wife thinks that I am judging her and calling her a bad mom. I disagree with some of her parenting, but only say I do when it directly affects my children. There has only been 2 times. One when when they let Nikolai who was then 3 cross the road without an adult along with my 8 and 6 year old. They went to the neighbors across the road whom which I have never met. We talked about it and I explained why I don't allow my children to do that and they said that they understood and that they won't let them do that anymore.
On Tuesdays I go clean Josh's parents house and I had Charlie that day and both him and Nikolai got onto the roof of the place house and ripped off some of the shingles. WhenI told Jake about it I had said that I was so upset that Nikolai did that because I had been cleaning there for 2 years now and he has never wrecked anything. I realized after the fact that it probably sounded to him like I was blaming Charlie. So I called and cleared it up and talked directly to Tiffany about and I was bent out of shape that it came out like that because it was not my intention.
The only other time I said something was when Tiff asked for the kids and when I went to pick them up my kids were in her and Jakes room watching a movie and right next to my sons head was a bong for smoking marijuana.
Tiffany is now saying that I have a holier than thou attitude and it is causing a huge rift. I don't want this to affect Jake and Josh's relationship, but she won't talk to me. She doesn't return my phone calls.Jake had said that mostly it is Tiffany that feels that way so that means to a degree he does too.I am hurtbecause she said that everything was fine, when it apperantly wasn't.
I have tried hard to be careful about what I say because mostlywhat they do is not my buisness. But at the same time, I do disagree with them doing drugs. I think it is dangerous for them to go out partying because of their addiction, other than that she is a nice girl. Her kids are fed, and clean, and wear appropiate clothing for the weather. She hugs andkisses them and shetells them she loves them. She helps Everett with his homework. And she does her best to get along with their dad and his fiance so that it is easier on the boys.
We all make mistakes and we alldo things that teach our children negative behaviors and habits and I am no exception. My children are what they are. They are children and they test their limits, they explore, and they act out.But here is the huge difference between Charlie and Everett and my kids.Their dad has only just recently been in the picture. He went most ofthe boy'slife so faronly seeingthem onthe holidays. It is hard being a single mom ecspecially one who is trying to raise boys. You always have to be the bad guy, and it is draining to be consistent. They are a handful but they are loving. They are hungry for hugs and affection and they strive for attention. It is when they do not have your full attentionthat they act out. Just like every other child out there.
I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. It hurts that she thinks of me that way, and then anger creeps in becauseI feel like I was lied to. I have tried to show her that I don't judge her and I apologized when my words came out the wrong way. I have been praying but is thereanything else I should be doing? I asked Josh but he said hedoesn't think that there is anything I can do. He thinks that she feels that way not because I judge her but that she is hurting right now because she isn't happy with herself and it is easier to be mad at someone else than it is totake responsibility for not changingwhat she feels or knows is wrong.
Have any of you been here before and how did you handle it and how did it turn out?
I will respond how I would handle it..First and foremost remember Christ's Words.."Do not think I came to bring peace but rather a sword." Katrina , you will be hated not because of you but who dwells in you. My mother in law just cut me off last month. and the more I draw nigh unto Christ ..the more that wil happen..you will get blessed and persecuted..They go hand and hand.
Ok..first..I would be slow to anger..I would fast and get a word from God.There is never a concrete wordthat fitsevery situation..If you have low sugar than simply fast 1 or 2 meals..BUT get in your prayer closet and pray. "In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He SHALL direct your paths."
My sons are not presently living fo rChrist and it kills us. We pray everyday and somedays I wonder if my prayers get through..SO I'll ask him."Matt, do you even feel the least bit convicted, are my prayers even working?" and he says "Oh yeah..I feel guilty all the time."
I remember when my first wife was fooling around on me..I was a custodian for the Ponderosa Steak House..and in my first semester of Bible College.Every 4:00 AM I'd be in there mopping floors. My exwife lived with her boyfriend 20 miles away in Plant City..I was in there once praying for my wife and Tereasa out of no where bangs on the front plate window screaming and crying and yelled"STOP PRAYING FOR ME...LEAVE ME ALONE." so yes prayer really works. She drove all that way to say that...and she drove away.
Summary...pray..and if the communication is fuzzy..than fast..1 day should doit. "It's not by might , nor by power but by my Spirit saith the Lord and this mountain shall be removed."
There are going to be some people that you are not going to agree with. There are going to be people that don't like you very much, but that's a fact of life. I know these things bother you, but you're above that. Move on and explain to your brother-in-law that you love himand let him know exactly how you feel the situation, if they can't dealwiththe truth, then move on.
I had to do that with one of my own children, as much as it kills me not to call or be involved more, I pray from them and stay away as much as possible, because I don't agree with the drinking and stupid stunts they pull.
Thanks guys. I textedher today and asked what's up I thought we were cool. She texted back "we are why do you ask. Haven't called lately cuz I've been sick." I told her what Jake had said and shesaid she'dcall but never did. So I'll keeppraying and keep the door open.
Thanks guys. I textedher today and asked what's up I thought we were cool. She texted back "we are why do you ask. Haven't called lately cuz I've been sick." I told her what Jake had said and shesaid she'dcall but never did. So I'll keeppraying and keep the door open.
Good, remember to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. I think you have a good handle on this.
When It comes to children safety,illegal and harmful activity we have to stick to our guns.Diplomacy and choice of good words is Ok but compromise will come back to bite you. Trust me I know.Christ talked with,ate with sinners but also gave them the inspired word of God.Walk the talk, be kind, but firm and unwavering in what is right.
can't really ad anything but will continue to keep ya'll in prayer, as well as all children, it is truly sad to witness some of the environments children live in and with[&o], and then people wonder why things are the way they are[&o]
__________________
John 3:16
things are more like right now than they've ever been
It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.
William James
When It comes to children safety,illegal and harmful activity we have to stick to our guns.Diplomacy and choice of good words is Ok but compromise will come back to bite you. Trust me I know.Christ talked with,ate with sinners but also gave them the inspired word of God.Walk the talk, be kind, but firm and unwavering in what is right.
I feel the same. I will not compromise on these issues. I simply explained that I have certain rules that need to be followed regaurding my children, if they so choose not to honor them then my children will not be allowed over there. Josh will not compromise either, he said if he ever found out that stuff was around his children again he would call the police. I know that they aren't happy with us right now, but it is more Tiffany than Jake. It is just hard when the kids get stuck in the middle of all of it.
can't really ad anything but will continue to keep ya'll in prayer, as well as all children, it is truly sad to witness some of the environments children live in and with[&o], and then people wonder why things are the way they are[&o]
Thanks for the prayers, I am coming to grips with the fact that this won't be resolved anytime soon. And I just need to remember that it will happen in God's time and not my own.
Could use some advice
WOW!!
